Miscarriages affect women in many different ways. Oftentimes, a woman can never predict how she may react or feel if she has the unfortunate experience of going through a miscarriage. It is a very personal experience, and one that is immensely unique to each individual woman.
A miscarriage refers to the spontaneous loss of a pregnancy. It can happen almost immediately after conception all the way up to 20 weeks of pregnancy (after which it is given a different title). It can be physically painful at times and emotionally draining to many women. Yet, each experience varies drastically.
The word miscarriage can put some fright into many newly expecting moms to be. It is a scary word, and even more scarier thought, to expectant women who wish to have a baby. Miscarriages are not rare. In fact, they can be quite common, and are often a reality for many women who are trying to have children, as well as women who are not trying at all.
Many women will say there are things they wish they knew before going through a miscarriage. Miscarrying is not something that many mothers or those wanting that role of mom, talk about. Yet, it happens. And we are here to share some insight on this delicate topic by giving some topics that women wish they knew before they miscarried.
14 It’s Actually Quite Common
Something that many women do not realize until they actually have a miscarriage is that it is far more common than we often think it is. Some women, when they have gone through a miscarriage and feel comfortable talking about it, typically discover other women who may pipe up and say, it happened to me, too.
Miscarriages are not uncommon. In fact, some doctors will go as far as to say that almost every woman of child bearing age who is sexually active will have a miscarriage at some point. The thing is, they may not know they had a miscarriage. It could be so early on that the woman never even knew she was pregnant. She may have just thought her period was late. It is also thought that as many as 25% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage.
13 It’s Ok To Not Feel Sad
When a woman has a miscarriage and has no feelings of sadness, she may think something is wrong with her. Even if that miscarriage was incredibly early on in the pregnancy, one that was never viable to even begin with, her lack of feeling devastating may make her wonder why those feelings are not hitting her.
Not all women feel sad. Especially if it was a very early miscarriage, as things such as hearing a heart beat or obtaining a real ultrasound picture never occurred, there may have barely been time to feel happy, much less get sad over something that ended so quickly.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with not feeling sad. While it may be on your mind, or something you think about time to time (or not), the bottom line is your feelings are yours, and not being sad is not a bad thing at all.
12 It’ll Hurt No Matter What
When you have a miscarriage, and someone says to you, well you already have a kid (or two, or three), you probably want to smack them. A miscarriage can be painful emotionally no matter which number pregnancy it could have been. It does not matter whether or not you already have children. It still can hurt. Or feel however you may be feeling.
Just because you have had a successful pregnancy and delivery of a beautiful baby, it also does not mean you are immune to future miscarriages. It is possible, and maybe even common, to have a miscarriage when you go to try for another baby, even if getting pregnant with your first had no issues whatsoever.
11 There Can Be Overwhelming Sadness
A miscarriage, especially if it is during the second and third trimester can render a former expecting mom utterly devastated. When a miscarriage occurs later on in pregnancy, many moms to be have bonded with their unborn baby, have seen them moving around in utero, and have felt their movements. Being sad and even depressed is quite normal, even though you never got to meet your baby.
However, even if you were only pregnant for a hot second, you can still be victim to a paralyzing sense of sadness. There may have never even been an ultrasound picture seen, or even a baby in the sac, yet your sadness overwhelms you. This is also normal. Your body and hormones were preparing for a life to grow, and when that is taken away, your body and mind take the toll.
10 It’s Ok To Feel Relieved
Not all women are happy to discover they are pregnant. Not all women welcome a pregnancy with open arms. This is all for a large variety of reasons. As such, not all women are overcome with sadness and grief when they suffer through a miscarriage. Some women are actually relieved. The relief may be welcomed with open arms, or it may be a feeling that was not expected.
Sometimes the feeling of relief can come as a shock to a woman going through a miscarriage. She may not have expected to feel relieved, or maybe she did anticipate it. Bottom line is that your feelings are yours. And if the feeling is relief, for whatever reason, that is absolutely fine. Sometimes, women may know deep down in their hearts and minds that the pregnancy was never viable in the first place.
9 There May Be A Disconnection
One minute you discover that you are pregnant. The next minute you find out the pregnancy is not viable and you are having a miscarriage. Many times when this occurs, a woman may feel disconnected from her experience. She barely felt pregnant in the first place, and now she is losing this newly obtained pregnancy.
It can be very normal to have a disconnected feeling, especially when the miscarriage happens so early on. You never quite had a chance to let the news settle that you were pregnant and now you have the news that the pregnancy is leaving you. Even if the miscarriage occurs later on, the feelings of being disconnected from your experience can still be felt, and it is not a bad thing.
8 It ‘s Not Anyone’s “Fault”
I didn’t know I was pregnant and I drank some wine. I slipped and fell. I didn’t go to the doctor soon enough. There are so many reasons women give as to why they had a miscarriage. But the problem is, is that most miscarriages cannot be prevented.
A miscarriage does not typically occur because you had a beer or two before you peed on the stick, or because you tripped and fell. A miscarriage typically occurs because something was not right. There was a chromosomal problem that prevented a baby from forming, especially early on.
Women can be so quick to blame themselves. If they only ate right, took their vitamins, got more sleep, maybe they would have a baby today. Miscarriages are so common, and the majority of them happen simply because they happen. Women who have miscarriages must be told and remind themselves it was not their fault.
7 It’s Ok To Not Want To Talk About It
Going through a miscarriage can be an extremely personal event. It is something that is so incredibly intimate. It happened to your body. It was inside of you, and now it is not. Even if you did not experience any pregnancy symptoms at all, or never even felt like you were pregnant, it can still create an odd feeling, one that many women can’t even quite pin down exactly what the feeling is.
The thing is though, when some women experience a miscarriage, their feelings may be just theirs, and those feelings may not be in line with what many would expect from those suffering from a miscarriage. They may not wish to share the process, stories, and feelings with others. And that is perfectly fine, and perfectly normal. Talk about it when you are ready, or never, if that is what you wish.
6 People Will Say Awkward Things
When a woman suffers a miscarriage, her reaction and feelings can vary drastically. When those close to you find out about your loss, what they say and/or do in response can be shocking or more upsetting than the actual event itself.
While some people, maybe family members, may share in your loss, their reactions could potentially make you feel worse than you already did. Your own mother may cry at the loss of her grandchild. Your sister may get angry at losing her only little niece or nephew.
Whereas an unsuspected friend may be harsh and say, you should not have had another kid anyway, or surprise you by saying to try again tonight! Just be prepared for reactions that you may not expect from those around you.
5 He’ll Feel Something Too
When a woman has a miscarriage, it seems like it would be a female kind of issue. After all, she was the one growing the baby, even if it lasted for less than a second. However, what many women do not expect, is the feelings and reactions that come from their partner.
Some women find out that their partner is more upset than they are. They feel the loss too, even if they were not the one who was pregnant or had to be examined by the doctor. At the same time, some partners of women suffering through a miscarriage may feel disconnected to the event, yet be angry or supportive of the feelings the woman is going through.
4 There’s No Reason To Feel Ashamed
The fact that many women feel shame after suffering through a miscarriage is undeniable. The worst part is that one woman should feel any shame whatsoever just because she had the unfortunate luck (and yes, it is often only pure bad luck) of having a miscarriage.
Women need to realize that miscarriages are nothing to be shamed about. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It happens. It is in no way shameful, and in no way a reflection of how well you take care of yourself or how you are or would be as a mother. Some women tend to cower and not talk about their miscarriage because they are ashamed. While there are feelings beyond our control, shame should not be one of them, and if it is, as a woman understand there is nothing to feel shameful about!
3 It Will Take Time To Recover
Miscarriages affect every woman differently. Women have various reactions, feelings, and recovery time that can be sharply opposite of a woman the same age and in the same circumstances as you are. Every body is different. Every mind is different.
Physically, recovering from a miscarriage takes time and that length of time can vary depending on how far along you were in your pregnancy. It can also depend on what type or lack of medical intervention you required to help with the process. But mentally, the recovery time can vary even more.
Some women overcome a miscarriage once it is said and done, while others grieve and need weeks, months, or even a full year to truly recover and move on with their life. And no one but the woman involved knows how much time she needs.
2 It Can Be Isolating
No matter how many people surround you to comfort you through the loss, whether it be your partner, doctor, therapist, friends, family members, it can still be incredibly isolating. After all, it happened to your body. You are the one who is living through the experience. No matter how supportive those close to you are, they can never possibly know exactly what you are feeling or experiencing.
The isolating feeling can be fleeting or all consuming. You were once two, and now you are one, even if the miscarriage occurred very early. It is common for some women to feel like they are going through the process alone. In fact, some do. Some women never choose to share their experience with others, sometimes even their own partner.
1 It’s Ok To Keep Trying
A miscarriage should never prevent a woman from trying again for a baby (unless there are other medical issues). In fact, your doctor may suggest you wait a few more menstrual cycles before trying again, but if you press your doctor as to why this is, he or she may simply say it is to better gauge your due date.
There may be no actual medical reason to not try again right away. Actually, you might be extra fertile after a miscarriage, which to us, is a reason to try again immediately!
Your risk of another miscarriage is the same it was before you had a miscarriage, you are not at a greater risk simply because you already had a miscarriage. That is important to know as well. Best of luck to all the moms who recovered from a miscarriage, we hope it works out the next time around!