There are a lot of things to get on board when having a baby. It’s not all pushing or cutting a tiny human out of a woman’s body anymore. This event has gotten big. The celebration has gotten to the point it rivals some weddings. This article is going to go over the new trends that are out there.
First thing is first, if something that you are doing is on this list- don’t be offended. Maybe you are doing it a better way that isn’t so “WTF.” If that is the case, give us some tips in the comments for other readers to try to find a good balance. There is no shame in anyone’s game here. That said, I may poke fun at it. That’s just my way.
If you feel like this is unfair than you can think of me as an old crotchety woman who is jealous that I never had these things. That’s ok with me. I’m not too proud to consider that possibility. Things were simpler in the days when my kids were born. You may be on to something.
All that said, there has to be a point that we all look at the path we are going down and wonder – WTF. Whether you consider birth a medical procedure or a natural process, you can’t really say that we celebrate or come up with as much hoopla surrounding any other thing. Less just dig into this:
15 Push Presents
You knew I was going to go there first. It’s a soft ball. Though it’s technically after pregnancy, it still is making the list. Ladies, this isn’t something I understand. Most women I know wanted kids and though their partner also wanted kids, there was no need to bribe or give a gift to them for enduring pregnancy. The baby is the gift, guys. The baby is the whole reason that we do this. If anything give her a gift after she has been up 2 weeks straight with no sleep and her whole right side is on fire because she is holding the baby all day. Get her the gift of sleep. Give her the gift of doing dishes. It’s so easy to buy things for someone (unless they are picky- you know who you are) it’s much harder to pull some extra weight at home to help out when both are exhausted. That is the gift that will matter later. Also, save your money dude, you’ll need it for a college fund.
14 Placenta Prep And Devour
There are actual services that can grind your baby’s placenta and put it in capsule form for you or you can sprinkle it on your food. I assume to garnish like a nice parsley only it’s placenta. Maybe if a recipe calls for a pinch of placenta? Might be grossing myself out here. Again, this is kind of an after birth event and not pregnancy related, however you do need to think ahead and hire the service. I mean taking care of your own placenta and grinding it? Can you imagine? So beneath us.
There are reasons that people do this. Presumably it’s supposed to help with dealing with postpartum recovery. You may be aware that animals do this. Animals eat their poo sometimes too though, so I’m not about to take my cues from them. I haven’t really seen anything that convinces me that this is truly beneficial yet, however you can Google and see what you think. This practice makes more sense to me if it’s something steeped in tradition that your family has always done. As a trend to just start, it’s a WTF for me.
13 Drinking During Pregnancy
This one is a little WTF for me. There is new research suggesting that light to moderate drinking during pregnancy may not be harmful to the baby. Here is the thing, I like my drinks as much as the next girl, but priority wise it isn’t even a blip on the radar next to a baby.
Opinions on this range pretty dramatically from how could you even think about it, to if it helps the mother’s mental health- than it’s helpful to the baby. Motherhood is such a mind mess, where we blame ourselves for some much. My concern would be that if you (or I ) partake in wine and than God forbid something happens to the baby; would that be something you (or I) blame myself forever for. For me, yes. So looking through my small lens, I give a WTF to moms that drink while pregnant. Someone can come back and say did you have caffeine or lunch meat? Those could also cause problems, Judgy Mcjudgerson. Also, Miss America Pants – other countries drink and have healthy babies. They would be right.
12 Lotus Births
This is that thing where you give birth to the baby and leave it attached to the placenta for well until it naturally falls off. You may want to invest in a good sized fanny back to carry around the placenta with the baby. This can take three to ten days. If you are wanting to keep visitors at bay or if you are giving birth during flu season – this may be a genius way to kill two birds with one stone.
The theory is that this extended time with the placenta adds the baby to get all the nutrients that would otherwise be cut off when cord is cut. There doesn’t seem to be any scientific evidence that this is greatly beneficial to the baby. There is a risk factor which is that an infection could occur in the placenta and spread to the baby. Some feel that leaving a wound when cutting the cord is risk for infection in baby’s that are not lotus birthed. You do you when it comes to this trend, but it feels very WTF to me. Also note that I have a weak stomach and looking at pictures of this trend nearly did me in.
11 Laughing Gas
Forgive me here as I reveal my “American-ness.” We had not been using laughing gas as a way to cope with labor pain – that is until recently. I hear that this is something that has been used successfully in Canada and other countries for years. This is interesting. Frankly it’s probably one of those “don’t knock it until you try it” items. My dental work with laughing gas leaves me with a bad feeling in relation to it, so the anxiety from hearing about this is high. I would be so incredibly interested to read about anybody that used this and what the experience was. This may be the WTF trend that is most likely to be doable for people like me. Things that take away pain are A ok usually. This is more WTF because of the correlation it has to dentists and it makes me wonder why this hasn’t been done for longer.
10 Experiencing Pleasure During Birth
This gives a lot of people the heebie jeebies when you put the word orgasm and birth so close together in a sentence. This one basically says that you can reduce the pain and make the process go better if you have an orgasm while giving birth. Guys, I’m not crunchy. This idea skeeves me out. None of what was felt during labor seems like a gateway to pleasure town. Unless there was hallucinating going on. Then maybe the gateway was guarded by a unicorn with roller skates and the Beatles playing in the background with opossums playing tambourines. If you have time, below in the “sources” section there is a link to a Cosmopolitan article where 3 mothers were interviewed about their experience when they had an orgasmic birth. They seemed like levelheaded ladies. Still not my bag. Still a WTF on the list. Still not computing for me and many women out there.
9 Glamshot Birth
Apparently there is a new trend where women do a full face of makeup before giving birth, so they are picture ready. There is such a dichotomy in culture these days where many women are worried about promoting unattainable standards, and then another set that seems to want to want to up the ante on setting unattainable standards. That might not be fair. You will have to make the call. I encourage you to pursue whatever look in labor that is going to make you feel like the Wonder woman that you are. However should you be taken surprise by the birth and have no time to put your face on, may you know that you are beautiful. May all the women out there realize the beauty in a candid shot of a new mom and their baby when they didn’t have the right lighting or stage makeup.
8 Designer C-Sections
This is not in reference to you “Mom who required a c-section for medical reasons or upon the advice of their doctor.” You will not hear one peep from me about women that have to get a c-section after going through labor. In fact that is my worst nightmare and I bow to you and kiss your ring. There are women that choose to have a c-section for no other reason than they are “too posh to push.”
This one is WTF for me because undergoing surgery seems like such an unnecessary risk to take if you aren’t required to do it. This just isn’t something that makes sense. It’s like courting potential disaster Also if you have one c-section after a medical surgery and decide to schedule c-sections for your subsequent births- that make sense to me. That isn’t in the same category as Designer c-sections.
7 No Assistance Births
There is another trend that is apparently having a baby with no professionals around whatsoever. Not talking about being on the way to the hospital and the baby is coming too fast, I’m talking about planning to do it on your own with no assistance. Look, there are a lot of places where home births are ok and you can find people come to your house to help you through birth. Why not do that? Why take any chances with this that you could regret for the rest of your life?
This isn’t something that can be undone if there are problems. You should have someone there who knows warning signs. Through the computer screen I hear some of you say “but birth is a natural process that women have done forever.” How many of those women that lost their babies in pioneer days do you think would give anything to save their baby’s by having someone knowledgeable by their sides? We have that available, it’s beyond comprehension to risk lives,
6 Gender Reveal Party
Yikes, this probably isn’t going to go over well, but these are weird to me. If you invite me to them, I will come and celebrate and be happy – but it won’t really make sense to me. Is this another party that we bring gifts too? Is this just an FYI party? What rules are there? If you have one of these do you also have a baby shower? This seems like so much effort to put together. Does someone plan this for you or do you do it? How come you can’t just tell me what it is? I care what you are having and all, but I’m not sure I care enough to put real pants on. I’m not sure I have the level of caring in which I come to a gathering that reveals it – ya know? Definitely will look up the result on Instagram and such.
5 Naked Pregnancy Photos
Pregnant bodies are beautiful, like all of our bodies. Yet they aren’t something that needs to be seen. Maybe I’m old fashioned (the collective internet nods “yes” emphatically), but this just doesn’t seem like something that will get much use. Are you going to send nekkid pictures of yourself out for Christmas cards? Do you get the poster sized ones to hang up in your room? What do you do with them once you have the baby? Are they something that you have to keep up forever or do you get sick of looking at them? Most importantly how does JC Penney (or other local department store with photography department) react when you go in there and strip down for a picture? Are they going to call security on me again? I kid, but really kudos to the moms that aren’t afraid to bare it all. I still say WTF to this trend.
4 Pregnant Belly Casts
This one is going to be WTF as in”Where The F*&^” do you put this thing after you are done being pregnant. You remember how that baby belly got really bulky and hard to maneuver towards the end. It was difficult to decorate in a sufficient way that was flattering? Going out on a limb here, but I’m thinking the cast of that gigantic belly is going to do for your room decor, what the belly did to your wardrobe. The idea is definitely neat and I’m sure it’s entertaining to see exactly how large it got in scale, but then what. Where does it go? Searching the pictures of this trend, I’m not even a little bit sad that we didn’t attempt this memorial to my pregnant bellies. If you have a cool decorating idea that you used this in, clue me in at the comment area to set me straight.
3 Pregnancy Test Tweaking
This is totally a WTF trend, but it’s a weakness of mine. If you belong to any of the chat boards on mother sites you probably have run across the Trying to Conceive boards and on those there are usually boards devoted to posting pregnancy tests that have been peed on. The goal is to see if you can spot a line on the test. This is a guilty pleasure of mine. For whatever reason it makes me happy to spy the little line on the test early on and smile along with the newly pregnant woman. The problem is that many people have what they call “line eye.” It’s the term they coined to describe scenarios in which they see lines on every test even if it’s negative. Don’t let them affect your opinion on the test result or you could be disappointed.
2 Elaborate Pregnancy Announcements
WTF? Some of us are so cheap that we squeak when we walk. We also just found out that in a few months time we are going to birth the biggest money pit that ever existed. In that case it’s very difficult to convince us that printing and mailing pregnancy announcements could be a good idea. That doesn’t mean that we are heartless baby grinches that don’t get excited for you pregnant beauties when you send the announcements. Just saying -don’t expect the return on that, as money doesn’t grow on trees. Also I’m not clever enough to come up with a way to announce that we are procreating without just saying something like “Hey we spawned something. See ya soon.” Guys, maybe I am clever enough. I think we all just learned something here- believe in yourself. Also do some searching for these- there are some super cute things out there. My heart may have thawed on this one.
1 Time In The Bedroom
This is like an orgasmic birth, but different. Apparently there are people having sex in delivery rooms. They are doing it either during labor or right after. What is your problem people? Isn’t that an infection waiting to happen? What is the world coming to? So many questions and so few answers. There have been stitches popped, inadvertent witnesses to the shenanigans, and most recently at least one mind blown about this happening (mine.) You crazy kids go ahead and do what you need to do to get through birth- I’ll just be over here clutching my pearls and hyperventilating in shock. There is no way that this can be a common thing and lets all cross our finger that this WTF trend is not an up and coming trend. Let’s all do our part to let it kind of drift away into the sunset.
Sources: Cosmopolitan, Babycenter.com, Parenting.com, Thestir.com