Spanking is one of the most common yet, controversial methods of punishment in our society. Most parents these days use spanking as one of or the main form of punishment for their children. It definitely makes sense because almost everyone we know has probably grown up being spanked, and most of us turned out just fine. You yourself might have grown up being spanked as well. So you might be wondering what the big deal is. However, even if spanking didn’t have as much of a dramatic effect or lasting consequences on you or those you know, it oftentimes does, and it might not be worth the risk.

It also brings up the questions: is it effective, and is it really necessary? Many parents simply spank their kids because that was the form of discipline that they were taught when they were younger. However, research shows that spanking may not be as effective as most people think. In fact, it could actually be damaging or even dangerous.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking this is all crazy talk, but there is some real truth to it, and when it comes to raising children, wouldn’t you rather have all of the facts and be safe rather than sorry. If you could avoid inflicting physical pain on your child, wouldn’t you want to? There’s no doubt that finding a good way to teach children right from wrong is difficult, but resorting to physical punishment is statistically not the best way to raise a well behaved child, and here are 15 reasons why.

15 Parents Do It Out Of Anger

In a survey published in Pediatrics, half of the respondents who admitted to spanking their kids said they did so out of anger and because they "lost control." And approximately one in four parents reported that they use an object such as a hairbrush, a wooden spoon, or even a belt to paddle their kids. When parents are so comfortable using spanking and hitting as the main form of punishment for their children, they’re more likely to spank as their natural reflex when they are angry.

If they are in the grocery store and their child throws a tantrum, they spank out of embarrassment and an urgency to get them to behave. If the child talks back, the parent spanks them because they are offended or feel disrespected. Whenever a child does something that would warrant a discipline tactic, it usually causes the parent to get angry, which is the worst possible time to use a physical punishment.

14 It Becomes A Slippery Slope

Of course for most parents, hurting your child is not the goal. However, when punishments are physical, it becomes a slippery slope. It’s wise to avoid a punishment that has so many reports of leading to harm. A quote from the Washington Post stated that “Most spanking happens when our blood is boiling and we react. Once you calm down, most reasonable people don’t want to resolve a problem by striking someone”

In one report, there was a family who believed in spanking their two kids. One day when their little boy, who was 1 ½, went up to his dad and bit his arm, the dad turned around and smacked his son in his face. When the dad stopped and realized what he just did, he felt embarrassed and ashamed, but since he was so use to spanking his kids, resorting to physical violence was more of a natural reflex for him when he was angry or upset with his child’s behavior.

13 It's Only A Temporary Solution

An article on Babycenter.com explains that spanking is a temporary solution that does more harm than good. Parents think that spanking "works" because it gives them external control over a child, but it doesn't promote internal decision-making within the child. It simply teaches children to behave – or else. Spanking causes many children to focus on the punishment rather than on the poor decision that they made.

Spanking doesn’t teach children why they are being punished or how they were wrong. It only gets them to stop what they are doing in the moment out of fear or pain. However, the next time that child is in the same situation, if their parent is not around, will they know why they shouldn’t do it, or will they only worry about the risk of getting spanked again? Spanking is a temporary solution because it doesn’t teach children to think for themselves, it forces them to obey their parents.

12 Parents Use It As A Scare Tactic

Using spanking as a form of punishment teaches children to fear the pain that will come if they do something wrong, but it doesn’t truly teach them why it was wrong. Many times parents say they spank their kids when they try to touch the oven or run out into the street because they don’t want them to do those dangerous things again. They scare them into listening, but if it was effective, every child would only have to be spanked once and then they would never do it again. We all know that’s not the case.

One woman explained that when she was younger, her parents had a wooden paddle that they used to hit her and her siblings with when they misbehaved. Her parents named it Mr. Murphy and they would set it in her room at night, saying that she better stay in bed and be quiet because Mr. Murphy was watching. It just so happens that this girl was scared to sleep in her own room until she was 14 years old.

11 It Can Be Dangerous

According to Parents.com an estimated two thirds of child-abuse cases start off as disciplinary acts and then degrade into something far more harmful, and four out of five parents admit to spanking their children at least once. Which means that 80% of parents have spanked their kids.

Spanking children, especially from a young age, opens the floodgates to physical violence in a household. Since we know it’s extremely common for parents to spank when they are angry, it’s only logical to address the dangers that go along with that. On multiple occasions physical abuse by a parent has been referred to as a disciplinary tactic. Purposely causing a child physical harm and calling it punishment creates a very fine line for what else punishment could be considered as well. If using objects is also considered punishment, does that mean leaving marks like bruises or welts is where we draw the line? Of course, most people would hopefully not go that far, but you can see where it could escalate to dangerous tactics quickly and unintentionally.

10 It Can Have Harmful Effects

Many studies have proven that spanking is harmful to a child. According to the American Psychological Association, physical punishment — including spanking, hitting and other means of causing pain — can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury and mental health problems for children. The United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child issued a directive in 2006 calling physical punishment “legalized violence against children” that should be eliminated in all settings.

It’s not that parents want to harm their child, and most would feel absolutely terrible if they knew that they caused any of these issues for their child. The problem is that most parents don’t know or understand the full extent of the issue, or why it’s so dangerous. There is a correlation with physical punishment causing harmful effects. These harmful effects shape the child’s path to adulthood, and should be taken very seriously, especially since it can be avoided.

9 It Can Look Hypocritical

I grew up with two brothers, so our house could get pretty rowdy as we were growing up. On many occasions we would fight over toys or simply punch, slap, or hit each other when we were mad. If our parents were to have punished each of us by saying “hitting is wrong” and then proceeded to spank us, we would have been so confused. If hitting is wrong, then why are they hitting us. Why is it okay to hit when you’re an adult?

Instead, we had a variety of punishments that were far more effective than spanking when it came to changing our behavior. We would lose many things, such as playing with our neighbors outside, our favorite toys, or television time. So my mom was stuck trying to keep all of us occupied inside the house for the whole day. It probably would have been a lot easier on my mom for her to spank us and then send us outside with our friends, but with her technique, she only had to do that twice and then we learned not to hit again. Statistically, we learned not to hit a lot faster than if we would have been spanked.

8 It's Not Effective

If spanking were an effective form of punishment, parents would only have to spank a handful of times in order to change their child’s behavior. However, most of us know that is not the case. Almost everyone I asked about spanking claimed that it didn’t work. They might not have done things out of the fear of being hit, but if they knew no one was watching, their actions were not changed. Some even grew tolerant to the pain of a spank and were not afraid of it any longer. This is usually why parents then find it necessary to spank harder or use other objects to increase the pain.

Discipline is not about telling your kids what to do and punishing them when they don’t do it. It is about helping them grow into people who will one day do as they should, and behave as they were told when there is nobody around to supervise, or punish them. Positive discipline creates integrity and well rounded, free thinking kids. It has been proven to be much more effective in achieving this goal than spanking.

7 It Has Lead To Mental Disorders

USA Today explained that recent studies have established a link between non-abusive physical punishment, such as spanking, and several different types of mental disorders. Most parents don’t spank their kids with the intentional goal to hurt them physically or psychologically, but an overwhelming amount of research shows that that is what’s happening. Therefore, children who are spanked harder and more often, are more at risk to the harmful, negative outcomes that spanking causes.

I know some of you probably think this sounds crazy, and that a slap on the butt is not going to lead to your child having any mental issues. However, research has shown that it’s happened in the past, and every child is different. Even if you’ve raised two children who were not fazed by being spanked, your third might be far more susceptible. You simply never know how a child is going to emotionally and mentally react to physical pain being implemented by the people dedicated to loving and protecting them. It’s clear that some children suffer the lasting results.

6 It Causes Children To Focus On The Punishment

Spanking causes many children to focus on the punishment rather than on the poor decision that they made, which caused them to get punished in the first place. It teaches them to fear the pain of a spank rather than understand why what they did was wrong. Children are spanked for many different reasons. Sometimes it might be because of a safety issue like running out into the middle of the street, while other times it could be a behavioral issue.

Either way, there is going to come a time in every child’s life where they don’t have their parents around to supervise them. If the only reason your child is behaving is because they fear a spanking, then what is going to happen when you are not around to spank them? Is your child going to be able to make a good decision? Are they going to know right from wrong, because spanking doesn’t teach right from wrong. Spanking teaches them to fear the punishment.

5 It Instills Fear In Children

Spanking instills fear in children, not understanding. So although it may cause children to cooperate at the time, if they aren’t learning right from wrong, spanking won’t produce lasting effects. Therefore, when parents rely on spanking for discipline, it’s likely that the child’s good behavior will only be temporary. More often than not, when a child is caught doing something wrong, they instantly fear what is going to happen to them. With other forms of punishment, like time outs, the child usually knows what they did was wrong and simply gets upset because they know their punishment won’t be enjoyable.

However, with children who are spanked, they actually respond with fear. They are scared of their parents, they are afraid of the anger they can see in them, and they are terrified of the pain they know is about to be inflicted on them. Fear is the purpose behind spanking.

4 Parents May Be Seen As Dictators

Parenting and punishment should not be about demanding your child to do something and hitting them when they don’t do it. Parenting shouldn’t be about telling them not to do something and spanking them when they do. Punishment and discipline are created so that you can teach your children, not so that you can dictate their lives. Raising children is about teaching little humans how to think for themselves and make decisions that will make their parents proud.

Often times spanking removes the needed communication that goes along with discipline. Children don’t feel understood by their parents and often get the response, “because I said so,” or “I am the parent.” As a society, we don’t give children enough credit. If the goal is for children to learn, then it’s important not to simply dictate their moves, but to teach and explain to them how to make the right ones.

3 Children Don’t Understand Why

Often times when children are spanked they do not fully understand why. They may know that you believe what they did was wrong, but they don’t know why it was wrong. They may see that you got mad, but might not fully understand why it made you so upset. When you rely on spanking, and take away the communication, you are doing your children a disservice. They don’t have to “think about what they did” because after the spanking is over, they can forget about it.

A true punishment would last longer depending on the severity of their misbehavior. Stealing a sibling’s toy is not the same as back talking, which is not the same as bad table manners. Each of these actions are different and should warrant different punishments. If spanking is the end all be all, a child will never understand if one thing is worse than the other because the punishment will always be the same.

2 It Can Cause Manipulation

When children are acting out or not behaving their parents spank them in order to stop the behavior. When the child begins to cry, the parents then bring them in for a hug and seize the opportunity to comfort their crying child. More often than not, this tactic is used in order to make the parents feel better about reacting in a violent and angry way towards their child.

Since most parents spank out of anger, once they calm down, they want to love and comfort their child because they feel bad or guilty for the amount of pain they know they just caused. This behavior is also very confusing and manipulating towards the child. The person who just caused them physical harm is telling them it is because they love and care for them. The person who inflicted the pain on their body is now the same person trying to hug, kiss, and comfort them. These tactics can be harmful to children as they grow and develop.

1 It Is Simply A Repeated Cycle

It’s important for parents or future parents to start thinking about the alternatives to spanking now, and how that would benefit your family in the long run. Ask your parents how they disciplined you when you were younger and see if it worked. A lot of times children who were spanked, grow up to spank their own kids simply because they don’t know anything different. Even if they know full well spanking didn’t do anything to stop their bad behavior when they were younger. An ineffective form of punishment continues to be the most popular form in our society because of this cycle. So if you were spanked when you were younger, I want to encourage you to break the cycle and try alternative ways to discipline your kids.

Dr. Siegel said it best, "It's very hard to make a violent act loving. Although it's true that a lot of spanked kids won’t develop serious problems, why would you take the risk? There are healthier ways to raise a well-behaved child."