Of the many types of people in this world, perhaps it’s the ones who seem to think something about them makes them better than others that can really annoy us. If it’s having a lot of money that’s the thing, it can be annoying to the extreme.
Does it ever seem like some moms find a way, or many ways, to turn motherhood into another way to flaunt their cash? Maybe it’s the type of car they drive, that they seem to be just a little too proud of. It is, after all, just a way to get around.
Or perhaps it’s the level of clothing and gear. They always have to have THE latest thing. And is it the best because it serves some useful purpose or benefits a good cause in some way if you buy it? Nah, more likely they think it’s the best (stroller, blanket, you name it…) because — that’s right — it costs more than all of the other ones out there.
And then beyond the way some can tend to be a little too excited to show off all the expensive things they own, sometimes it’s just awful to have to listen to the way they even say things. Guess what? Saying the name for something in French does not make it better than if you spoke it in whatever language you would normally speak.
And don’t even get us started on food. It’s for eating, we all do it, and being ridiculously selective (and showy) about how you and your kids dine and on what can come across as really rather embarrassing — no matter how fancy you think it makes you and your family.
If you want to buy something, buy it. If you want to eat something, eat it. And (all in good fun here, mind you), if you for some reason want to be annoying, mom of means, try doing one of these 15 things.
15 It’s Called A Nanny
We get it. You can afford to hire help to watch your kids. If you can even manage to pay, without batting an eye, for live-in help to watch after your children, good for you. Moms know that everyone could use a little assistance at times, or even all the time. So that’s not the problem.
The issue here is more in the moniker. When did it become so in vogue to stop calling a nanny a “nanny”? Some seem to just prefer the way “au pair” rolls of their tongue. Yikes.
If I say, “Hey, look at that huge caca in junior’s diaper!” does it make it fancier? Better than all the other babies’ number twos?
Please, by all means, hire help if you could use it. If it’s important to you that your kids’ live-in helper be from a European country, that’s just fine. But you know what? Using the French term for something doesn’t necessarily make it better, and it might just make those you’re bragging to laugh a little to hear it.
14 Organic Obsession
“My child only eats organic, locally grown….” blah blah blah-dee blah… It’s great to eat healthily! I wouldn’t argue against that. Go to that pricey farmstand. Shop exclusively at Whole Foods. Buy whatever you feel is healthiest and best for you and your family to eat, and then eat it.
But is it that really so interesting, really such a point of pride for you, that we all need to hear about it all the time?
Promoting wellness and healthy eating aren’t bad ideas. But maybe there’s a time, a place, and an interested audience?
Fresh, locally grown, organic produce: yum! We all enjoy it. Do we all have to talk about it all the time as if it makes us better than others, though? Additionally, must we cringe at the thought of our children eating, heaven forbid, a regular old peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with regular old supermarket ingredients, every once in awhile?
13 Look At Me!
She stands in a field, perhaps of wheat, perhaps of wildflowers. A custom-made white, gauzy maternity gown flows oh-so-elegantly around her. Professionally done hair and makeup are just so, if perhaps looking like they took a bit too much effort for this whole nature-mom scene she’s going for. Her bared bump glistens in the sun as a butterfly drifts by on the breeze, or perhaps a wave washes lazily onto a seashore behind her. The professional photographer snaps a few, and they move on to the next series of poses.
Then, of course, the most perfect ones are posted across any and all social media accounts that said woman has for everyone she knows to see. One way to interpret this: A woman is excited about her pregnancy and wants to commemorate this time by having and sharing some beautiful photographs.
12 Any Old Tote
Here’s what a diaper bag is for: containing diapers, diaper cream, wipes, maybe some hand sanitizer or cleaner of some sort, some spare clothes for baby and probably a spare shirt for mom (aka spit-up central), any necessary bottles, a toy or two, and whatever purse items mom needs with her on an outing. It’s to ensure that she has everything she needs to brave the world, baby or toddler in tow.
Is it essential? You know it! I haven’t left home without one for years. Does it need to cost like $200-plus dollars so that everyone knows you have loads of cash to spend on a diaper bag? Probably not.
But just like our handbags and shoes (and jewelry and cars and…), the diaper bag has become a status symbol. It’s one more way to let others (especially other moms, who will likely recognize the brand) know that this is how you roll. (Full disclosure: I’ve always loved handbags, and I’ve gotta say… I’m guilty of splurging on my diaper bag, too… Is that annoying?)
11 Equestrian Equation
Sporting is just tops. Leisure time? We all need it. Exercise? Our bodies were made for it. But does our mode of exercise, sport, or leisure need to become a source of braggery?
We get it. You can afford to put your kids in “riding lessons” from the time they can walk. Are we glad that they’re enjoying themselves, that they have a hobby, and that they’re getting physically fit? Sure. Learning to care for and respect all creatures? That’s fantastic.
But thinking back, sometimes isn’t there just something in the way moms say that they are taking little miss “to the barn” that is really almost laughable? There can be such snobbery in affording the riding boots, saddle, and other supplies, such exclusivity in belonging to this or that stable location.
10 Large And In Charge
What has four wheels, some seats, and gets you from Point A to Point B? Why, a car of course.
Many of us have one, two, or more of them. We rely on these contraptions, for better or worse, to go about the business of our everyday lives.
And some of us, it seems, rely on them to let everyone else know how much money we have. Do you need that SUV to ferry your family to and fro? Well, maybe. But does it have to have four-wheel drive and an exclusive badge on the back? Hmm not so much.
I live in a town where people flaunt their wealth in strong yet subtle ways. If we are of means, we wear casual clothes almost everywhere, but they’re purchased at posh boutiques.We live in fairly modest homes, but they all cost at least half a million dollars, usually much, much more. And how do you know if we are really doing well where the green stuff is concerned? Why just take a look at one of our new, shiny, massive SUVs as we pick up our children from private Montessori school.
9 Bilingual Babe
Maybe a mom is already looking toward getting junior into the best possible college — 17 years from now — so that she can brag about that, too. In the never-ending quest to try to make ourselves seem just that much better than others, perhaps most especially other moms, we will stop at nothing. And one of the more amusing tactics we attempt is to start teaching our kids French or other second languages, not for their enrichment, not so that they may lead a more purposeful or fulfilling life, but rather so that they can seem just that much better than other people.
There’s a scene, if I’m remembering correctly, in one of the Real Housewives series (I’m thinking it has to be either Beverly Hills or the OC), where a newcomer to the group trying to impress all of the already established members tries to assert her status and impress everyone by claiming that her one- (or younger?) year-old speaks French. I think when questioned about it in an interview edited in later in the show, she reveals that, well, he doesn’t actually speak much — of any language — at all yet.
8 Haute Stuff
Babies outgrow clothes over a matter of days at first. While the speed at which kids outgrow their duds then may slow down a bit as they grow older, we’re still talking maybe a year or two per item of clothing. And when you’re growing up, clothes are meant to be played in, to be worn, to be slept in, to get dirty, to wear holes in.
For some parents, clothes are oh so much more, though. They’re another way to flash your cash, of course!
Dressing your kids in the latest season of clothing from a brand that everyone knows costs close to $100 or more per item is a great way to say, “Yeah, I know he’ll only be wearing this tiny blazer for the next month, but frankly, I’m so rich that I don’t have to give a shit!”
7 Bling, Bling, Baby
Ironically, a lot of the time, when people pierce their babies’ ears, make them wear teeny-tiny gold bracelets, and otherwise bedazzle them to try to show just how much money they are able to spend on these types of splurges, it just makes them seem that they’re trying really, really hard to appear wealthy.
Should tiny baby perhaps have a chance to have a say in whether she or he would like to have her or his ears pierced, a procedure which will affect the appearance of a child’s body for life?
Ah, yes, the jewelry-for-babies thing is real, common, and, well, quite hilarious.
Maybe parents just want to do something that helps them feel and state to the world that this child is special, that she is loved. Jewelry (and its marketing) has had a way of making us feel like that’s what it represents, like if someone threw so much cash at something just for us, well then we must really be something.
6 A Life Of Leisure
Where I live happens to be one of the most expensive cities a person could choose to reside. And I’m not complaining, because I’m the one who chose to live here. But what I’m trying to say, I guess, is that it’s not like some places in this and other countries where it usually makes financial and practical sense for a woman to stop working entirely once she has kids.
For most of us, it is quite impossible. Your average middle-class mom is working so that she can afford childcare, or caring for children but also working on the side.
Some, though, are not employed at all. Notice I was careful not to say that they don’t “work” at all, because anyone — anyone — caring for babies and children is surely doing very hard, very important work.
But for those (most) of us, who are juggling working at one or more jobs, finding childcare we can afford when we need it, scheduling it all in without losing our minds, it can, perhaps at least sometimes, be downright annoying to encounter moms who don’t have to.
5 Barre None
Wow, it must be really nice to be able to go to that yoga class twice a week. I’m sure you’re really enjoying your morning session with your Pilates instructor.
Who is watching your kids while you do this, though? Also, how are you paying the hundreds and hundreds of dollars each month to afford these various gym memberships, class fees, and coach’s wages?
Is that maybe part of the purpose in doing this? That you can afford it? As you slip on your $100 yoga pants and grab the tote bag boasting the name (vividly) of the store where you bought them to head out to class, do you maybe feel just that much better than others because of it?
We’re just saying, some squats, sit-ups, and a stroller-pushing jog around the block might achieve similar results when it comes to fitness, and watching a YouTube video to guide you through a yoga sequence often works just fine. But that wouldn’t be quite so fancy, would it?
4 So Precious I Could Puke
Why are the babies always, always wearing silly knit hats, fast asleep, naked, and propped oh so carefully with their chins resting in their hands? Why are they sleeping, in black and white, on an outstretched hand, and why are they snuggled into a basket meant for Easter treats? Just — why?
It is so funny to see the same two or three familiar poses when people pay a professional photographer for a newborn photoshoot. Well, some would say “funny,” while I suppose others would say downright “annoying.” What, after all, is the purpose of all this fanfare? Is it to celebrate and commemorate — or is it to brag and boast?
And how do we see these photos and therefore know everyone uses the same exact props and the same three poses? We receive a glossy card featuring them in the mail. It’s called a birth announcement, and they tend to all look pretty much the same. But don’t worry — we’re sure yours is somehow much, much fancier than all the others…
3 Ladies Who Lunch
I think I somewhat accurately anticipated many of the challenges of parenthood, so far. But one thing that did perhaps take me a bit by surprise was how much time, how much work, how much planning, how much shopping, how much cleanup, and how much extreme patience goes into feeding children, as soon as they start to eat solid foods.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had someone to just do it for us? Sure, we could pop into the kitchen to cook or bake when it sounded like fun, when we didn’t have something else we needed to be doing, but the rest of the time, we could leave the shopping, prep, cooking, and cleanup to our very own private chef.
For some moms, this is not a dream, but a (luxurious, awesome) reality. A private chef is there to help or maybe even do it all, from playdates to parties.
2 Pointless Point Of Pride
Socks or a footed romper do just fine to keep a small baby’s tiny little toesy-wosies warm. Why, then, must some mothers purchase a rainbow of itsy-bitsy “crib shoes,” made of real leather, and handsewn to coordinate with each and every one of their infant’s outfits?
Because each pair costs something like $60 of course, and how else would you show the world how much disposable income your family has to keep junior looking oh so fly?
The baby isn’t even walking yet. He isn’t even crawling yet! He’s not even awake for more than a few minutes at a time each day, in fact. So why, oh why, splurge on multiple styles and colors of footwear for him?
1 Have A Nice Summer!
Have you seen those Instagram posts from Kristin Cavallari where she’s off on some paradisiacal white-sand beach, bright turquoise water shimmering, her in a bikini (and lately, hubby Jay Cutler in his birthday suit)?
Question for ya: Where are all of their kids?
Ah, to jet off to summery locations year-round as soon as the season’s over. Must be nice, right? No doubt it’s easy to feel annoyed, as the rest of us normal people continue on with our regular schedules of work, sleep, repeat.
And not only do some wealthy moms get to summer (and fall, winter, and spring) in exotic and tempting locales; they also often have homes in these (and multiple other) places. Meanwhile us normal people struggle to fit all our baby gear and crap into a regularly sized abode.
And sometimes a mom will also casually mention hiring or meeting with a decorator… I have a decorator; she’s two, and her medium of choice is peanut butter mixed with sand.