From pregnancy through parenthood there are unexpected surprises that are painful. Sometimes it will be a physical pain while other times it might be an emotional pain.
Every person experiences pain differently based on the individual’s fears, pain tolerance and past experiences. This list of 15 unexpected painful experiences is based on different people’s personal experiences. As parents travel through the journey of parenthood they may find many of these experiences to be true to them also.
Pain comes from a combination of physical and emotional sensations. Being fearful or uncomfortable can increase the pain reaction for an individual. The level of pain felt can be an extremely personal experience.
The journey from pregnancy through parenthood is different for every person. It can even be different from the perspective of one parent with multiple children. But often, we find that parents have similar experiences, joys and even painful events associated with parenthood.
The experience of parenthood can at the same time be unique to the individual situation and singular to the parenting experience. Every parent’s journey is individual and yet we find ourselves with so many experiences in common with other parents.
Some experiences are expected to be painful. Labor and delivery, an episiotomy and a Cesarean are all commonly associated with pain. Other experiences are surprisingly painful or uncomfortable. This list examines the pain that comes by surprise from pregnancy through parenthood.
Parenthood offers so many surprises. Many of the parenting surprises are delightful, but some prove to be painful too.
15 Checking How Far The Cervical Area Has Dilated
This is one thing you hear about or see on TV all the time. A doctor checks the pregnant woman to see how far dilated she is. Of course you already know the pregnant woman is uncomfortable, having contractions and awaiting the arrival of her baby.
Before having a baby, I had imagined that when the doctor checked to see how dilated I was that they were going to eye it or maybe even use some sort of instrument to take a measurement. Nope, I was wrong. The doctor actually feels inside of you to see how many fingers fit in your opening cervix. Umm….ouch….please don’t do that again.
During my first labor, I had a medical student following my doctor around. The medical student was also going to check to see how dilated I was. All in the name of learning of course. After just one exam, I decided that extra checks were unnecessary and that I didn’t want that again!
14 Going On A Date For The First Time After Having A Baby
Going on a date with your significant other doesn’t seem like a big deal. That is until you have your first baby and leave her for the first time. Sure you’ll feel like you need a break (and of course you do) but it might actually be harder than you anticipate.
Leaving your baby to go to work is also difficult. But when leaving to go to work you can rationalize that you are helping to provide for your baby and your family.
When it comes to date night, it gets a little more difficult. Parents get used to putting other’s needs first right away. They give up sleep, alone time, resources and many other things for their precious baby. When a parent has to petition for themselves (i.e.”I need some alone time, away from baby, with my significant other”) it can feel foreign, difficult and sometimes even selfish.
If baby cries when you leave or is crying when you get back the guilt piles on even faster. Even though it can be painful, it’s okay to give yourself a break sometimes.
13 Pushing Out A Number Two With Hemorrhoids
Pooping. Yes. Pooping.
You might anticipate that immediately following a natural birth that pooping will be painful. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Usually it’s just the idea of it that will freak you out and it doesn’t actually hurt so badly.
But that’s not the type of pooping I’m talking about. I’m talking about weeks or even months after delivery.
You see, during pregnancy, labor and delivery (remember all that pushing?) sometimes women get those pesky little things called hemorrhoids. It’s the hemorrhoids, my friend that can make pooping painful even months after delivery.
Hemorrhoid pain can last for days, weeks or even months. It can go away for awhile and then come back again. Some medical procedures can reverse hemorrhoids but they could return again with another pregnancy and delivery.
If this pain happens to you, remember to drink lots of water, eat a diet high in fiber and keep the Preparation H on hand. These tips can help to ease and even eliminate the pain.
12 Hearing Running Water With A Full Bladder
A babbling brook, trickling stream or even a rushing waterfall. You might be surprised to find out that hearing running water (even the sound of the shower) may cause you pain.
While you’re pregnant, the sound of running water may make you rush off to the bathroom. The extra pressure that baby puts on your bladder makes it harder and harder for you to hold it in.
After baby comes, the newly breastfeeding mother may find that the sound of running water causes her milk to let down.
In the first few weeks of breastfeeding, a new mom might find herself with dry, cracked or just plain sore nipples. The let down of milk signals to the body to feed the baby. Sometimes, this feeling can be painful. Sometimes it’s a mental fear that mom has because she knows the nursing that will follow will be painful.
But don’t worry Mama, even though breastfeeding may be painful or difficult at first doesn’t mean that it always will. As you and baby get better at working together (and latching) it gets easier and easier (and a lot less painful).
11 Laughing And Generally Living After A C-Section
Laughing shouldn’t be painful, right? The release of endorphins from laughing should ease pain and make you feel more content. And it usually does.
But following a Cesarean delivery, laughing may cause pain around the incision.
Come to think of it so can coughing, sneezing or lifting. Vomiting can be especially excruciating after a C-section delivery. Any movement that puts pressure on the stomach or pulls the stomach muscles can be difficult.
Recovery from a Cesarean can be slow and painful. It usually takes longer to recover than from a vaginal delivery.
The new mom recovering from a C-section will need to take it easy as the body slowly heals from surgery. She’ll also have to take it easy on the belly laughs which will be painful to the healing skin, muscles, and uterus. Slowly, the body will repair itself from the delivery and mom’s pain will ease with each step in the healing process.
10 Lousy Crotch Pain During And After Pregnancy
Sure, you think there will be crotch pain during delivery. Like at the end, when you’re pushing the baby out. But it can happen long before that.
As mom’s muscles stretch to accommodate the ever growing baby, she may feel pain in her nether regions. Often, this is a symptom of the body pulling and stretching to fit and support the baby.
Women report feeling more pain and pressure in the crotch the more pregnancies they have. As one mom I spoke with put it, “The babies get easier, but the pregnancies get harder,” when talking about having multiple children.
The pain can sometimes be sharp jolts or a continuing ache. It might come and go throughout the pregnancy. For some women, it only presents itself near the end of the pregnancy when there is the most strain on the body to carry the baby. If you’re having pain like this that feels too extreme, check with your healthcare provider to see if your situation is normal.
9 Hearing A Baby Cry
Hearing a baby cry can be painful to parents for several reasons.
For some people, the sound of an upset baby is heartbreaking. They immediately want to soothe the sweet little angel and don’t want them to be distressed at all.
For breastfeeding mothers, their bodies take over. The sound of a crying baby signals to the mom’s body that the baby needs to be fed. In the early weeks of breastfeeding, this can mean that the baby will have to latch to very sore mothers. Some mom’s report that in the first few weeks of breastfeeding when they hear the baby cry they actually start crying too.
This is because the mom anticipates the pain that will come along with nursing the baby.
For other parents, hearing a baby crying sets off an alarm in their minds. They are programmed to take care of the baby and the sound of crying sets off an emotional and hormonal response to tend to the baby. It can make them feel a frantic need to soothe the baby.
8 When Mom Watches Her Child Have A Painful Moment
Many parents say that having a baby is like having your heart on the outside of you. You are so connected to your child that their pain is your pain. Actually, sometimes you feel their pain more acutely than your own.
Watching your child have a painful moment can be very painful for a parent. It reminds the parent of similarly painful moments from their own life. It also can make a parent feel helpless to protect their child from the pain of life.
Regardless of how much a parent wants to protect their child, there will still be times that the child can’t be shielded from life’s painful moments. A skinned knee, a mean classmate, or any number of life’s other heartbreaks are bound to happen to the child. It’s a natural part of the life process. Instead of trying to remove pain from the child’s life, a parent can help to teach the child how to process the painful emotions.
7 Witnessing Another Parent's Pain
Another surprisingly painful part of parenthood is witnessing another parent’s pain. To hear tragic stories of parents who have sick, hurt or missing children can instantly connect you to their pain.
The parenting journey is so very different for each parent. Yet, there are singular moments that transcend any parenting situation. The love for the child, the feeling of little control, the uncertainty of life and more connect parents from every walk of life. The parenting journey creates so many similar feelings and experiences.
Listening to the pain of another parent can, at times, bring sudden tears to your eyes or an ache to your heart. It forges a sudden bond with the plight of parents throughout time. This connection is formed through the common act of loving and raising a child. This bond between parents may be understood intellectually before parenthood but it is actually felt once the person becomes a parent themselves.
6 Even Just Sitting Down, What The Eff!
Sitting. Just plain sitting can be painful after a vaginal delivery. You might start wondering when exactly seats became so hard and why you didn’t notice it before.
For several weeks after deliver sitting may be painful—especially when you try to sit on hard or uncomfortable chairs. A soft chair is best for the sensitive and healing bottom. If a harder chair is needed there are a few things that can make sitting a little less painful.
Limiting the time in a hard chair can help.
Postpartum recovery is important and takes time so being conscious of how much rest (in a comfortable spot) you’re getting is a good start. You can also use a pillow or a donut to reduce the pressure on the bottom. If you’re really stuck between and rock and a hard chair, try bending a leg under your bottom or leaning toward one thigh or the other to reduce pressure on the more sensitive areas.
5 Delivering The Placenta, Because Delivering The Baby Wasn't Enough
After delivering a baby, delivering the placenta should be a piece of cake. Well, in comparison, it is a lot easier but it can still be painful.
As you peacefully gaze at your baby, fresh from the womb, you congratulate yourself on a job well done. Suddenly, all is right with the world. You managed the contractions and pushing and now it’s time to bask in the sweetness of the baby.
Then your midwife reminds you that you still have to deliver the placenta. A few more contractions, maybe someone pushing on your tummy, a little push and it’s out. But once you’re in your happy place with your baby you don’t want to have any more contractions. It is a little painful, but probably more than anything, annoying.
It can turn mom into cave-mom thinking, “Me mom. This baby. Me done. You go away.” But of course as mom you can do anything and this too you will do.
4 Teething Pain Will Be Felt By All In Different Ways
You may have thought that teething is only painful for the baby. But parents of teething children know this to be different. Teething can be painful to parents for two reasons; cranky, sleepless baby and new breastfeeding pains.
A teething baby may make your night painful. As a baby slows down to rest during nap time or at night, they suddenly take more notice of the pain of emerging teeth. Of course, you feel for the aching baby, but as the night wears on, it wears on you too.
For breastfeeding mamas, they often quite literally feel the pain of breastfeeding. Breastfed babies nurse more often and sometimes chew or bite the nipple as they try to ease their aching gums. Of course, the teething baby doesn’t know what it’s doing or that it’s causing mom pain. Diverting from constant nursing to using a teething ring or pacifier can bring much needed relief to mom.
3 Baby Kicks Mom In Her Ribs And Everything Else
You see it on TV and in movies. All. The Time.
Pregnant mom is so excited when baby starts kicking. People rush in to feel the baby kicking and someone always mentions that it’s going to be a soccer player.
What often isn’t mentioned is just how painful the kicking can be. Sometimes baby will stomp down on mom’s bladder. Other times, mom’s skin is so stretched and sensitive that any movement can be uncomfortable or painful. As baby takes up more and more room a kick or elbow jab is more and more likely to hit an organ and give mom a jolt of pain.
The pain associated with baby kicking will depend on several factors. The size of the baby, the amount of amniotic fluid, and mom’s level of sensitivity all work together to tell if mom will screech in pain or giggle in delight at baby’s movements.
2 The Belly Button Sticks Out So Far And Hurts
A belly button can pop like a Thanksgiving turkey during pregnancy. The newly exposed skin that had been for so long tucked away can be extremely sensitive. Bumping the belly button as you walk past something or even a curious kiddo poking it will give you oddly painful sensations.
For some women with sensitive navels during pregnancy, the sensitivity subsides after the baby is delivered and the body returns to normal. For other women, the sensitivity and painful sensations continue after the body has returned to normal. The navel can stay in a more outward and exposed position than it was prior to pregnancy in some cases.
During pregnancy or afterwards, extra layers of clothing can help to reduce sensitivity of the belly button area. The extra layers may provide extra support (a tight tank top can help to keep the belly button pushed in somewhat) and also reduce how much can be felt.
1 Sharing The Bed With A Baby Ninja
Whether a parent decides to let a little one sneak into bed for the occasional night or it’s a regular routine, bed sharing can prove to be painful for the parent.
It can be absolutely adorable to snuggle with a little one. It might even help you to get a little extra shut-eye. But more often than not, mom and dad wake with sore muscles or a tiny foot in their face.
A parent might sleep in one position to keep from disturbing baby. This can cause stiff and sore muscles the next day. The child might also toss and turn flinging different body parts carelessly into mom or dad. Backs, ribs, legs and even faces can be poked, prodded and kicked by tiny, adorable feet.
Bed sharing might start out as adorable, but can often end up painful for parents. You can’t tell when you’ll wake up with a loving snuggle or a stiff neck.