Too many times, moms have been shamed for putting their needs first. Somewhere along the road, putting kids first became the standard for good parenting, but it’s time to change the negative connotations that come with being selfish and put a spotlight on the importance of self-care.
When you’re stressed, overwhelmed and too busy to enjoy the little things, you’re not the only one who suffers. Kids need us to be chill, fun and well-rounded so we can keep up with their energetic souls. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of putting yourself last, but here’s a wake-up call that all moms need to hear – your kids need you to be selfish.
It’s the whole put-your-oxygen-mask-first idea that we need to follow in our everyday lives. The only way to give your kids the care they deserve is to take care of your own needs first. When you feel good, you can be a superstar for everyone else.
Being a mom doesn’t have to mean sacrificing all your desires. Let go of what others think and embrace being selfish. Pursue your own adventures, chill out and do more things that are just for you. Find the courage to say no to the things that stress you out and yes to things you want to do. If you want something, make it happen and teach your kids to do the same. Because if you don’t look out for yourself – who will?
Here are 15 Times Moms Deserve To Be Selfish AF.
15 When Someone Asks For A Favor
As our little explorers grow, no is a word that moms use on the daily (or 20 times in a minute). Yet when someone asks for a favor, so many of us suddenly forget that no is an option.
There are many reasons why many of us feel the need to say yes to every request. It's time to throw the fear of letting people down out the window and think about your own agenda first. Learning to say no comes with gaining confidence and being true to what you want to take on.
When you’ve got too much on your plate, there’s no need to offer a ten page essay on why you can’t help someone out. A polite response like, “I’m sorry, I can’t help this time” is all you need to give.
Never feel guilty for turning down a favor. Your time is limited and there’s only so much you can take on before stress affects your whole family. Do yourself and your fam a favor and learn to say no.
14 When The Kids Go To Sleep
As mom’s, there’s nothing more precious that interacting with our babies and watching them smile and laugh and bla bla bla… let’s be honest, in between those amazing bonding moments, comes chaos, tantrums and non-stop messes. Having kids is a lot of fun, but it’s also daytime activities on steroids. When it’s finally lights out for your monkeys, it’s time to catch your breath, let out a sign and enjoy a couple of well-deserved hours to do anything you want to.
Putting kids to sleep early is essential for their well-being… and yours. Leave the rest of the to-do list for tomorrow and use that time to relax and unwind. Take a bath, put your feet up, read a book or binge watch your fav Netflix show while eating a giant bowl of popcorn. Do whatever you want to do because when the kids go to sleep, you deserve to be selfish.
13 When Drama Knocks On The Door
When you’re a busy mom, you have priorities that far exceed getting sucked into someone else’s drama (including relaxing on the couch after your kids go to bed).
Everyone knows someone who’s a drama magnet ...aka wherever they go, drama follows. If that person happens to be your best friend, it can be hard to distance yourself from all the bla bla bla. Take control of what you let into your life and remember that your time is precious.
Keep your relationships close and be a good listener, but when you become the go-to person to bitch about problems to, it’s time to re-evaluate your friendship role. When your friend gets into a fight with her boyfriend for the seventy-fifth time, it’s okay to press the not-my-problem button and focus on your own life.
Leave the gossip world behind and when drama knocks on your door, slam it shut and go back to being selfishly awesome.
12 When Daddy’s Home
As moms, we tend to want to take control even when we have a second pair of helping hands. Whether it’s daddy, grandma or anyone else, learn to sit back and let someone else take over from time to time. Believe it or not, even if things don’t get done your way, everyone will survive.
When my hubby is home, my go-to tagline is “pretend I’m not home.” So when he asks me where the extra box of diapers are, my response forces him open the closet door to figure out the mystery by himself.
Even if you do it better, let daddy dress the baby in mismatched outfits and let grandma feed the baby less-than-healthy snacks. When you have the help, take it. Sit back with a cup of tea or a glass of wine and go into lazy potato mode... and when you’re chill session gets interrupted, just yell out “pretend I’m not home.”
11 When The Perfect Dress Hits The Racks
Kids grow at the speed of light. That’s why it always seems like the clothes you bought them yesterday are already too small today. Besides never ending outfits, there’s also activities, diapers, food and list goes on and on. The point is, having kids is expensive and it’s easy to dish out all your cash to fulfill their every need.
Sometimes you deserve to step outside of the kid’s department and shop for something your own size. Leave the kids with someone else and go on a well-deserved shopping spree. Whether it’s a new purse or the perfect black dress, when you find something that speaks to you, buy it without guilt.
If money is an issue, ask friends and family members with older kids for hand–me–down clothes for your little ones. Be smart and find ways to save money, but from time to time, treat yourself to something fabulous.
10 When Enjoying A Solo Vacay
Family vacays make for some amazing memories, but sometimes you need to get away from the people you love most in the world. Somewhere far, far away from food on the walls and poop in the bathtub.
When you feel the need to peace out, find a way to make it happen and leave guilt-free and filled with excitement. Go away for the day, find a weekend retreat or hop on a plane for a longer adventure. While you're away, your rules will likely be forgotten and the house might get a little messier, but everyone will be fine without you.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and the saying holds true for moms and kids. Chances are when you’re finally away, enjoying the break you deserve, you’ll miss all the craziness you left behind. Then you’ll happily return home refreshed and ready to appreciate the live you have …and that’s just good for everyone.
9 When It's Girls Night Out
Cyndi Lauper once said, “girls just want to have fun” ...and she was right. When you desperately need to get out of the house, plan your escape route and call your girlfriends to force them to join you.
From talking to dancing to having a drinking buddy, girlfriends are essential to a mama’s sanity. While it’s awesome to spend time with your friends when your kids are in the picture, sometimes you just need to let loose and leave the minors at home.
When the days and weeks fly by with nothing but goo-goo ga-ga conversations, dress it up and paint the town red with your girls. Even if you go all out and you have pay for it the next morning when your kids are poring water on your hangover at six in the morning, remember this - the memory of a fun night will continue to live long after your headache fades.
8 When It's Spa Day
In the midst of a busy life, don’t forget to treat yourself to some well-deserved TLC. Get your hair did or sign up for a hot stone massage. Pampering sessions go far beyond beauty care. They are about leaving stress behind to relax, unwind and feel fab when it's over.
If getting out of the house to hit the spa sounds far beyond your wildest dreams, then hit up Pinterest to find a thousand ways to create your own spa day at home. From hair masks, to foot soaks and DIY manis and pedis, there are so many ways to pamper yourself in the comfort of your own home.
Besides the occasional massage, I’ve never been one to fill up my schedule with beauty appointments, but when I’m soaking in a hot bath with my tea, I’m a happy girl. The point is to make time to find ways to wind down and relax, in whatever way you can.
7 When It’s Nap Time
What’s the one advice everyone gives new moms after they have a baby? Sleep when the baby. Yet for some reason, most of us ignore this great advice and use nap time to do the dishes and vacuum the floors. Then when our eyelids can’t stay open for a moment longer, we collapse on the couch only to hear the loud sounds of our babies waking up. When it’s between a messy house or an exhausted mommy, let the house go. No one really cares if your floors are dirty anyway.
No matter how old your kids are, never feel guilty for choosing sleep over whatever else needs to get done. Nap when your kids nap and sleep when you’ve got a second pair of helping hands. A lack of sleep isn’t a good look on anyone, so when it comes to sneaking in a few extra zzzz’s, let everything else come secondary.
6 When Working Out The Bod
From newborns to teenagers and every age in between, chasing after kids is a workout in itself, but most of us could use a little more exercise. It can be hard to trade in some of your precious free time for a work out, but when you find ways to sneak more fitness into your day, you’ll soon feel your best.
When you find an activity that you enjoy, put it high up on your priority list. I’ve never been a fan of the gym, but I recently joined a running group. Putting my running shoes on has become my go to move to get in some exercise when I literally need to run away from the house.
Any work out that calls you name is beneficial for your whole entourage. When you focus on your health and let your body sweat, you’ll feel happier and more energetic. When you have your health – you have everything, so by taking the time to take care of yourself, you’re only doing good for everyone.
5 When Recharging The Mind
Today’s world shines a huge spotlight on the important of working out and taking care of our bodies. That’s all uber important, but maintaining a healthy mind should be an essential part of the mix.
Taking a daily brain break is the best way to recharge. Whether that means meditating, going on a nature walk or finding a quiet place to unwind, is up to you.
It's so easy to be too hard on ourselves, but sometimes all we need is a little peace and quiet. At least once a day, stop everything you’re doing, forget about your to-do list and just be present in the moment. Pay attention to your breathing, remind yourself you’re doing your best and focus on what’s going right.
When kids are crying and the days are pact, find a moment to get away from it all, take a break and come back to yourself. Your brain will thank you for it.
4 When Making Career Choices
When it comes to your career, you should strive to enjoy what you do. When you land your perfect job, or get an opportunity to advance your career, jump in with both feet it. It’s important to maintain a healthy work-life balance (especially while raising kids), but when it comes to your career choices, think of yourself first.
Life is short, yet too many people spend too much time in a job they hate. When you’re stressed at work, it’s hard not to bring that stress back home. Make career choices that are in line with your goals. Dive into work that you can enjoy, even if that means sacrificing a higher salary for a job you’re passionate about. If you have a career goal, chase it and teach your kids to do the same, because no matter what it is that you want to do, there’s a way to make it happen.
3 When In Learning Mode
Part of living a fulfilled life is to constantly learn and evolve. That could mean everything from going back to school to hitting Youtube videos to learn to play the ukulele. Being a mom should never stop you from learning the things that interest you most. No matter how long it takes you, strive to always look for ways to expand your skills.
Growing up, my mom always regretting not going to university when she was younger. So when my siblings and I were young teens, she decided to go back to school full-time and get the degree she always wanted. She taught us to go for what we want, regardless of the challenges.
Furthering your education is always a win. Don’t feel guilty if that means sacrificing some fam time. It’s okay to be a little MIA when you’re teaching your kids the value of learning. The point is to do things for yourself, so if you want to learn something new, make it happen.
2 When It’s Mother’s Day
If the thought of being selfish all year round sounds more like dream than a reality, than at the very least take Mother’s Day for what it is – a day to be treated like the queen you are. On the days leading up to Mother’s Day, get your family prepped to meet your expectations… and keep it simple.
Mother’s Day has become such a commercial holiday. Gifts are nice, but think about what’s important. This year was my first Mother’s Day and I made it clear that I wanted to sleep in without interruptions and spend the day with my family. I also got a surprise breakfast and flowers which was the icing on my request.
You don’t have to ask for much, but a lot of joy can be found in the little things. If you can’t do what you want all year round, at least put your crown on every year on Mother’s Day (ps add your birthday in the same category too).
1 When Setting Goals
At the end of the day, how you choose to put yourself first is up to you, but it all comes down to setting goals that are aligned with the life you want to life. When you choose to become a mom, you don’t have to trade in your dreams for the role. Setting goals should be central to everything you do.
Take control of your life, put yourself first and always have something to strive for. When an opportunity comes up that you feel a pull towards, go for it. Whether you feel a strong desire to go back to school, take a vacation or start your own company, get your family on board to support your pathway to get there. Teach your kids that they can do anything by leading by example. Show them how to live big and most importantly, teach them to always put their needs first.