What’s in a name? Everything! Naming a baby is one of the most important things to do when the gender is confirmed. The baby, after all, will have to live with the name forever. I am not a fan of judging baby names, but some are just too cruel to give to a kid.
Kids bullying other kids has been a topic that has been talked about a lot lately. A kid’s name can sometimes put a target on their back. Parents have to consider a lot of different things when naming their baby. One of the most important things is if a bully will have an easy opportunity to torment their kid.
Choosing a baby name is serious business. It can have some repercussions that parents might not even have thought of. A baby name is also a reflection of the parents. They have to consider pop culture, trends, possible monograms, nicknames, bullying, rhymes. The list is endless.
Parents have to go through their name list and think of every possible way that a kid can be teased for the one they choose. Here is a list of 20 names that can be crossed off right away! These names are bait for bullies and will potentially put a target on your kids back. Scratch these out asap!
Though historically, Big Bertha was the name of the German gun used in World War I, she was also a huge lady that most kids refer to today. The naming of the howitzer, led to many elephants being named Big Bertha.
The most famous elephant was Big Bertha of the Sparks-Nugget Circus, also known as “The World’s Most Talented Elephant” from 1945-1999. This is probably the Bertha that truly coined the phrase Big Bertha. Unfortunately, any kid who was given the name was bound to be taunted about her most famous name bearer.
If you name your baby girl Bertha, she most likely will be called Big Bertha at some point in her life, whether she is big or not. She will forever be the target of bullies. Bullies who probably don’t know the origin of Big Bertha, but will tease her nonetheless, no matter how pint sized she may be.
Though the sexy and charming Hugh Grant has gracefully handled this given name like a champ, chances are your little guy won’t be able to. Hugh may sound like a great masculine name at first, but when you think how little bullies can use it, “Hugh” will spare your little guy the embarrassment. Do “Hugh” see what I did there?
You can expect the little bullies in your kid’s school to think of that one very quickly. It would be too easy of a target for them to resist. Any time they have the chance to use your kid’s name as the word “you,” they most definitely will. This name is a double threat because those mean kids might also pronounce it as “huge,” and even if you’re kid isn’t literally huge, this would be as hurtful as it would be annoying to him.
Maybe in the 1970s Fanny was all right; it was used for the comedian Fanny Flagg. Today, parents would have no reason to name their baby girl Fanny, except to torment her. Fanny is a nickname for Frances, which is actually a pretty cute name, but not if the intention is to call her Fanny. Fanny is a slang term for butt. There is no greater joy to a bully than a name that means butt.
Parents couldn’t be so cruel as to name their baby girl Fanny and practically feed her to the wolves. Fanny will endure some harsh name calling and will literally be the “butt” of some cruel jokes. Fanny will forever bear a name that means derriere. Parents who like the quaintness of the name Fanny might want to look toward her sisters Abby or Sally.
Where’s Waldo? If you are a millennial then you definitely know who good old Waldo is. In 1987 the book Where’s Wally (or Where’s Waldo, if you’re in the United states) was released. Waldo was hid among crowds in the different locations featured in the 12 page book. After the book release came all of the usual propaganda and pretty soon we were looking everywhere for the guy in the red and white stripes!
Van Halen also had a song called “Hot For Teacher” whose video featured a kid named Waldo who was never going to make any friends. Parents couldn’t possibly be so cruel to the kid to name him Waldo, but if they are, they can expect some major repercussions. Though we like to think the best of people, Waldo might be the recipient of some cruel jokes.
Dorcas is a historical name used by Romans, the Puritans, and the Bard. It’s a classic name that may have an odd charm, but comes with some serious consequences. I know I don’t need to point out the obvious, but a little girl with the name Dorcas is only going to be called a dork by her friends. She will forever be labeled a nerd by her classmates.
Though the name has the sweet meaning of “doe,” it won’t be so sweet when your little girl is being taunted by her peers. This name is guaranteed to get your kid bullied. Parents looking for a classic baby name with deep roots throughout history might want to reconsider. There may be some serious repercussions when kids start calling your baby girl a dork.
No, Eugene is not the name of Steve Urkel, but it might as well be. Eugene is the classic poster child geek. If you name your kid Eugene, your are pretty much determining his future as a nerd. Even if he is the coolest kid in his class, his name will lead his classmates to believe otherwise.
Eugene is Greek for “wellborn” or “noble.” It’s somehow within the top 100 on baby name charts, and actually ranked in the top 50 from 1880 to the 1940s. That is perhaps why this one is considered a Grandpa name. The female variation, Eugenie, is no different. Whether you’re having a girl or a boy, Eugene and Eugenie should be left for our grandpas and grandmas and not be rejuvenated this century.
Oh Patty Mayonnaise! This millennial doesn’t really have a thing against the name Patty after watching Doug all the time, but kids that your little girl will grow up with might. Patty is the diminutive of Patricia, which is Latin for “noble.” It began in Scotland and does have some potential to make a comeback at some point.
There are just too many potential ways that a Patty can be bullied. For instance “Fatty Patty” is just one name that mean girls might taunt your little girl. Patty Cakes, Flatty Patty (during the training bra days), and basically anything that rhymes with Patty just make this name too easy.
Albert Einstein was a pretty cool guy. The German born physicist is the most notable bearer of the name. If that were the extent of the name, then Albert would be a perfectly good choice!
Albert is a royal name that is German for “noble and bright.” Though the name has prestigious roots in England, in the U.S. it’s not so stately anymore.
Kids will always try to find an easy target and Albert might be just that. Fat Albert might have made the name a poor choice. Even if your kid is as fit as a fiddle, he might inevitably be called Fat Albert. There is too much potential teasing for your little boy to be named Albert.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. How can anyone make fun of Kelly Kapowski? Well let me tell you how. Before her beauty queen days, I am sure even she was teased. Even Kelly Kapowski could have been the bullseye – an easy target for bullies.
Smelly Kelly. Enough said. My name is Kelly, and though I didn’t get teased much for it in school, my siblings never let me live it down. This Irish unisex name can be a serious target for bullies for both girls and boys.
Even with as hard core of a meaning as “war,” Kelly will still receive some harsh backlash from those mean little bullies looking for an easy target. Smelly Kelly will inevitably hear taunting through her high school years. Hopefully she doesn’t really wage war on the deserving little kids.
The name Benedict can turn badly for a kid in a few different ways. Don’t let the dashing Benedict Cumberbatch give you false hope for this one; he is just one Benedict that happens to be a huge success.
The other Benedicts, ones that kids will most likely associate this name with, are not so charming. Take Benedict Arnold for instance. This name bearer is one that bullies are going to learn about in history class and unfortunately, use against any kid named Benedict.
If that isn’t enough bait for bullies, eggs benedict might be their next weapon of choice. No kid would ever want to be compared to a traitor or eggs. Let’s just hope that parents stay away from this one and not give their kid over to the bullies!
Stephanie is a pretty common name, especially in the 90s, but naming your kid Stephanie is a little bit like naming her Jehosophat. Jumping Jehosophat.
Cheesy old men are sure to call her Step-on-me. Once a little kid catches on to that, she will never hear the end of it. That will be her nemesis. Step-on-me and possibly Stephan, a more masculine choice for bullies, will see her through high school.
Stephanie had a major downslide from the top 20 all the way to #235. I doubt it’s because of the mean nicknames that might come with it, but because it reached its full potential when Stephanie Tanner from Full House gave it a little boost in popularity.
Whether you’re a fan or not, Donald is probably not the greatest choice for a name in 2017. There are too many potential teasings for your little guy. Donald is Scottish for “proud chief.” It’s been around Scotland for centuries as the MacDonald Clan is seen throughout its history. Donald was a top twenty name for almost a century, but has slipped down to #488.
Donald Duck is another name bearer that might give bullies bait. His quacky little voice may be adorable, but it’ll make things difficult for a boy throughout his adolescence. Don Drapper is one of the most dashing bearers of the name, but even he is still not enough to save it. Your son will inevitably be made fun of at some point in his life.
Amanda is such a pretty name! I knew several Amandas growing up and thought their name was just gorgeous. It’s so dainty and sophisticated. This name saw great popularity in the 80s through the 90s. As the prettiest girl in her class, parents probably never dreamed that their little girl could be teased for her name.
I, however, was not among the cruel kids that could only make fun of them. “A-Man-Duh” was her name for most of her middle school and high school days. How do kids manage to turn even the prettiest things into something mean? Amanda will eventually grow out of that horrible nickname, minus a few annoying adults who haven’t quite grown up yet. Until she does reach womanhood, she will, unfortunately, be called a man…duh.
I don’t know which is worse, the hilarious womanizer Barney from How I met Your Mother, or Barney from Barney and Friends. Unfortunately, for the kid named Barney, bullies will probably use the latter. Bullies will not only sing, but they will look forward to singing the annoying theme song from Barney to tease your little guy. The big purple dinosaur has ruined the name Barney for all time!
For parents who are trying to avoid a tormented youth for their son, don’t name your kid Barney! Surprisingly enough, Barney is ranked #1033 on baby name charts in 2016. I’m not sure who is still naming their kids Barney, maybe it’s a family name, but this one is throwing your kids to the wolves.
Though we all want to think of the loveable Dick Van Dyke when we hear the name Richard, we don’t. We think of the horrible nickname Dick. Kids today will eat that stuff up! You are handing your kid over to bullies and asking them to make fun of him. This traditional German name still sits at #160 on baby name charts, but it’s far too teasable.
Richard is probably the easiest target out of its brothers Tom and Harry. Even it’ other nicknames, Rich and Ritchie, won’t keep kids from using Dick to taunt your kid. Naming your child after male genitalia just isn’t going to fly these days. Not only is it a name describing male privates, but it is also used to insult people. How Dick is still a choice for parents is a mystery to me.
This popular English name may not go over so well in the States. Harry has too many teasable attributes that you just can’t forget about. Harry Potter may be a cool name bearer, but he’s just a movie character. Harry, though it isn’t even spelled the same, is going to turn into “Hairy” for your kid. He is going to be known as the hairy kid in his class.
Harry is the medieval form of the name Henry, and was used as a nickname for all eight of England’s King Henrys. Even Prince Harry, our favorite red-haired royal, is actually named Henry. Despite that fun fact, your kid will still most likely get bullied. If you can move beyond the potential teasing, Harry does make a timeless traditional choice for your little guy. Just be prepared for some mocking during those tender years. You can call them growing pains!
There are several things I think of when I hear the name Tucker, but none are nearly as bad as what your kid will be called if you name him this. A tucker is a fabric pleater; they tuck in clothes. If that isn’t enough to deter you from using this name, let me remind you of what it rhymes with. The curse word that Tucker rhymes with is probably the worst one possible. It doesn’t get much worse than that.
Don’t be so cruel as to name your kid a name that rhymes with the dirtiest word kids even know! If that’s not bad enough, Tucker is also a very popular name for dogs. Tucker does surprisingly have a preppy and dapper frat boy kind of image, but until your little guy grows into such a man, he will be the target of so many bullies.
The first Virgil was the greatest Roman poet and philosopher. He was followed by an early Irish saint who believed the earth was round. It was also the name of Wyatt Earp’s brother, cartoonist Virgil Franklin Partch, who signed his name VIP.
Though Virgil has had some pretty cool name bearers throughout history, a Virgil of 2017, probably will only get made fun of. I can just hear some mean teenagers calling your little guy “Virgil the Virgin.” Once kids figure out what that actually means, the nickname will be sure to stick with him. This has to be one of the worst nicknames that a teenage boy can be given. He will struggle to deter the teasing throughout his adolescence.
Art, short for Arthur, may sound like a really cool one syllable name at first. It even comes from an ancient word meaning “bear” or “bear man.” That’s a pretty macho meaning for a boy name and most little boys would love it.
This masculine name was given to King Arthur, which little boys might find really cool. Not to mention all of the Arthurs in literature and television. Arthur sounds like a great name, until little boys start calling Arthur “Art the Fart.”
A name that rhymes with any bodily function is the worst thing you can give to a little boy. Boys live to laugh and poke fun at things like poop, pee, and your son’s name “Art the Fart.” The name Art is a disaster waiting to happen.
Though artist Norman Rockwell must have been pretty cool, a more youthful bearer of the name is Norman Bates. Norman is old English for “northerner” or “norseman.” It’s a very historic name, that probably should be left to the history books.
Mama’s boy Norman Bates is super creepy and was obviously a kid who got made fun of, but that’s not even why it’s a name that would get your kid bullied. Norman, like his friend Eugene, is a standard nerd name.
Nowadays, teasing is inevitable if you name your kid Norman. There are no nickname options that aren’t as bad or worse than the full name. Norm would not save your baby boy any embarrassment. This one should be left to the grandpas of last century.
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