Relationship Advice...0 2 months ago by LisaBren!
Hello. This question may seem like a joke, but I promise you it's all real. My freshman year of High School, I met who I thought was the love of my life. We connected instantly. We were best friends, and dated for a while. I believed after 2 years of off and on dating that it wasn't going to work. This "boy" was a Junior, while I was a freshman. I knew it wouldn't work anyways.. He did everything in his power to make me happy. I could NEVER put a frown on my face. He was SO romantic. We were "Band loves" because we were in High School Band together. He was the best thing that has ever happened to me. The only problem was that I was tired of him controlling me. Telling me who I could and couldn't talk to, and would check my phone and Facebook ALL THE TIME. He never had anything to hide (that I knew of). I was absolutely sick and tired of it. SO we broke up, he graduated, and that was the end of that.Long about the beginning of my Junior year, I hooked up with my best friend from elementary school. We are still together to this day (3 years!!). I love him, BUT he just doesn't do the things my ex did. I used to get cute good morning texts, and quick drop bys to my house just to say hello. I was always held and cuddled with, and I felt safe. I don't want to lose my current boyfriend. But, ever since my ex left, he's kept on coming back. You know the quote "If you love something, let it go, yada yada yada, if it was meant to be it will come back"? I'm beginning to think this is true. Here it is THIS many years later, and he still has contact with me. He treats me so well, and I miss it so much. I don't know what to do, or what to say, I'm just SO LOST in this, and it's driving me insane. I literally cry every night because I don't know what to do. I'm STUCK. Please Help.P.S. Go ahead and make fun of me for this post, I don't care, but this is all true. I need the advice..
The first thing I can say......You are in the wrong by allowing contact with your ex boyfriend. If it is just friendly conversation, that's one thing. But if he is speaking to you romantically and you are allowing it, you are deceiving your boyfriend and you could wind up jeopardizing this relationship. Imagine how you would feel if you found that your boyfriend was allowing his ex or another woman to speak with him, romantically.Now......Let me remind you why you and this ex broke up. You say he was controlling you. He was telling you who and what to be, who you could talk to, etc. That is not a healthy relationship. You saw it wasn't going to work then, so why would it work now? Has he up and changed his personality and behavior? Do you, truly and honestly, think he wouldn't do the same thing again? You can't forget why you broke up, just because he had some good qualities.Also, let me remind you....You are with your boyfriend NOW because he is not your ex and he is different than your ex. You should not compare the two of them because they are completely different men in completely different relationships. The only comparison is you in that situation. He doesn't do the things your ex did because he is NOT your ex. That is not on him or his fault. How does your current boyfriend treat you? Does he respect you? Spend time with you? Do you enjoy spending time with him? Does he, honestly, make you happy? If the answer is yes to all of those questions, then you have no problem. The only problem is thinking of the past and what could have or should have or would have been.Also, if you want more romance, speak to your boyfriend about it. Now, don't say "Well, my ex used to do it..." or anything of the sort. Don't ask your boyfriend to do anything extreme or ridiculous. I've been married for a few years and.....There is little romance here. Sure, I would love it if DH would bring me random bouquets of flowers or put rose pedals in a bath or whatever. But....That's not him. I don't think of the typical romantic gestures, I think of my HUSBAND and his personality....So, when he cooks a frozen pizza for me and brings it to me with a drink, he's being romantic. When he reaches over in the car and grabs my hand every once in a while, he's being romantic. When he hands me the remote so we can watch Walking Dead re-runs, he's being romantic. You get what I'm saying? Typical, generic gestures that aaaaaaaall women claim to love...aren't the only ways a man can be romantic. A man doing anything special with you in mind is romance. At least, in my opinion.All I can say is...Don't give up a good guy who makes you happy for someone you KNOW it didn't work out with before because you could wind up very alone, without either of these men.
AND there is a saying that "guys/girls come around when YOU ARE TAKEN but when you're single they disappear"....You ex is your ex for a reason. Sure he was cute and sweet....BUT then he was also controlling you... Which = BAD. Controlling can and in most cases ends up as abusive relationships (Once they get you where they want you... ie. Living with them) You have something good now..Sure its not all cutesy and lovey like your ex (but again that man was controlling you... ) I'm married and have been with the same guy for 6 years (Married 3) We dont do the cutesy text thing... sure i get them occasionally not alot its just something i figure high school kids did... Real relationships (for most) dont need the cutesy clingy stuff (i sometimes see it as insecure and they have to do it or they'd lose their gf/bf). With the relationship you're in now... IF you are still talking to your ex..perhaps you shouldn't be in the relationship. I have 1 ex whom i still talk to. we didn't break up on bad terms he still has a place in my heart just as i have one in his. we are best friends. I have problems i turn to him and ask him, from his male perspective, what is going on. And he gives me advice. We aren't romantic like we were while dating just best of friends. My husband knows and understands.My husband doesn't control me and i dont control him..BUT your ex did.. that's the one you need to sever ties with. He is controlling and he will know exactly what to say to you to get you. To many young girls and women end up at the hands of an abusive man... AND most the time it started out as controlling.. then his jealousy and rage jumped in and they end up abused for years ..... or dead.Save yourself honey...Drop contact with the ex. and focus on you and your boyfriend now. it may not be all cutesy but talk to him and ask him things that are more important than cutesy baby talk texts ;) AND if you love him dont be afraid to tell him either.