I worry....0 1 month ago by PregoMomma32
advice... <3 ... please be nice... I am going through such a hard time with my "baby daddy" -- My plan is not to put him on the birth certificate, to give her my last name..... and to make him PROVE that he is worthy and ready to be a father... through the court system. He has NOT made any changes the entire time that I have been pregnant... he can't hold down a job, he has moved in with a girl, his vehicle is not even equipped to carry a child -- he has made NO room for her in his life. I try NOT to talk to him... b/c when I do it only makes me upset.... I am 7 1/2 months pregnant now, I can not be getting upset like that... he hardly ever calls but when he does it is BAD. I hold a lot of anger and resentment towards him. He is also at the bar like every other night and has a past of major drug problems (c*****e). I have went and spoken to a lawyer.... he advised me that I have all rights (in the state of TN) ... He has none.... until HE gets a paternity test and takes it to court. When last speaking to baby daddy, he said that he had went and spoken to a lawyer (which I don't believe... because he lies all of the time) and that he has a great chance of getting my baby girl 50% of the time... the thought of child support pisses him off. No woman should have to go through this but I made a terrible mistake by sleeping with him. We were only together for 3 months when I got pregnant. My baby girl will be a blessing -- I just wish her father was more mature, more responsible... more admirable. but instead, he is a 38 year old loser. I can't help but be overwhelmed and scared of what is to come.... I don't want his money.... I have a wonderful support system, great job, my own home, dependable car.... everything that she will need. It breaks my heart to think that my baby girl will not have a good father in her life as I had the best father a girl could dream of. If he would straighten his life up and act like a MAN we wouldn't have all of these issues... It's hard not having someone to talk to that can relate.... I have friends that are single moms..... but most of them want to be with their child's father and have not taken things to the court system..... which is totally opposite of where I stand. I DO NOT want to be him and the only way he is going to have a relationship with her is by proving it.... through the court. I only want to protect her. The momma bear instincts have definitely kicked in! and I hear that they only get stronger!
To him, there is no child yet. You're pregnant, but you're not together, and nothing in his life has changed yet. You say you want him to prove to you by going to court that he wants to be in her life, but you're freaking out that he said he talked to a lawyer and wants to go for shared custody. It sounds like you're pissed off at him and that's motivating a lot of your actions against him. Who he's dating now, living with, etc. has nothing to do with you or your unborn child. You two are not together, and his relationships don't involve you. He can easily get put on the birth certificate. The courts will order a DNA test as soon as either of you file a court order. I wouldn't have any contact with one another until the baby is here, and then only contact one another about the baby. If I were you, as soon as the baby is born, I'd file for custody and child support, along with granting him whatever visitation, every other weekend, whatever. That way you know your legal rights, he knows his, and he is not being blocked out of his child's life.