Irritating pregnancy reactions
When you're officially (or visibly) "with child", you can expect a wide range of reactions - from the offensive to downright odd. Here's a primer for the less positive ones:
- The sudden gynecologist
There's nothing like a new pregnancy to ensure a steady stream of irritating and long-winded pregnancy lectures. Keep them short-n-sweet with g*****c details about how your witch doctor has you drink menstrual blood and urine. Or just cut to the chase with, "Where did you go to medical school?"
Many parents - especially those with tons of kids, will share real excitement for your pregnancy. They'll congratulate you with a delighted cheshire-cat grin and gleefully think to themselves, "How delightful! Someone else gets to suffer through sleepless nights, spit up stains and poopy diapers!"
Approximately 30% of the population is too ashamed to admit they're allergic to pregnant women. Instead, you can expect loud shrieks of fake approval (such as "OH, HOW WONDERFUL!!!), as they swallow a large dose of secret guilt about the fact they will never voluntarily contact you again.
For these (young and single) individuals, expect excessive sweating, dilated darting eyes, agitated obsessive use of mobile device and rapid mumbling about "needing to be somewhere". In extreme cases, they may exit dramatically by screaming, "I'm freaked out by the fact you have a tiny human inside of you right now!!!"
If you haven't yet noticed, there's something about the pregnant women's state that induces unnerving commentary - even from strangers, so be ready... and trust us: a sense of humor goes a long way now that you're riding the parenting train.