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Married, pregnant, considering abortion and wanting to hear choosing Due February 6; USA 6 posts
24th Jun '10

First of all, if you are pro-life and plan on asking "innocent" questions like "why did you get pregnant in the first place?" please spare me the waste of time. I am a woman seeking responses from women in similar situations, who are honest, and not afraid to admit that they are considering or have consider an abortion of a planned pregnancy.



I have been married for 6 years, have a 3 yr. old child, and planned with my husband to try for another child months ago. By making that choice I have also decided to postpone a career in academia, stop my PhD studies and teaching in college. Building a family together seemed to outweigh the professional setbacks on my part. At first I thought I would not need to quit work and school in order to have a second child. I took the example of some of my female professors who have families, children, and strong careers in academia and assumed that it would be the same for me. At about 8 weeks of pregnancy I found out I was expecting identical twins, then started having complications, then ended up in complete bed-rest. After falling behind with school and work I thought "who am I fooling? it would be nearly to impossible to have twins and keep working and going to school to the degree of engagement it requires" I thought my best choice would be to postpone the PhD and I soon gave up my spot on the program to someone who could commit immediately.



I had a missed miscarriage soon thereafter. It took me a couple of weeks to digest what had happened. The direction that my life had taken, the direction I had geared it, and how things were ultimately different for me, pregnant or not.



After debating for 3 months, I decided that I was ready to try for a pregnancy again. Not entirely sure if I wanted to fill the void of the loss, the void of a career, or just wanted to mother a second child.



I am 8 weeks pregnant now, I am on progesterone pills because my doctor found me to be a high risk pregnancy again. I am on partial bed-rest, and the doctor is waiting until the end of the 12 weeks to let me know whether we are out of the danger zone or not.



Today, as I sat on the couch feeling physically miserable, feeling nauseated, exhausted, dizzy, uncomfortable, somewhat useless (for not being able to function in the last weeks), simply vulnerable, I realized I am pregnant from a man who is not my partner, not my friend, he is actually a stranger. And I mean this in the most complicated of ways. I am a very strong person most of the time, being vulnerable around my husband brings out in him someone I rather not know. Today he called me a b***h several times, he insulted me and basically told me to go to hell pregnant or not. I have been experiencing severe morning sickness, especially in the last 2 weeks due to the medication. The first week of that he was out of town, so he really didn't have to see me feeling this bad, this week, he has time off from work and has been at home for almost 3 days. Altogether too much for him to handle. He has cooked and watched our 3 year-old son, and when I had a request for some of his attention in the form of well, conversation, hell broke loose. I am a b***h for daring to ask for more than what I am getting.



See, it hit me like a waive. Why would I want to have another child with someone like this?



I feel responsible for this life, especially since it has been a pregnancy we planned and mourned after loosing it months ago, and a pregnancy we decided to seek yet again this time.

user banned USA 1650 posts
24th Jun '10

do what's best for you momma. best wishes. <3

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 46839 posts
24th Jun '10

After having my daughter, I had an abortion and in all honesty, it was the best decision I made in my life.



Abortion is never an easy choice, as long as you go into it with your head up and your priorities clear.

wendybird California 19406 posts
24th Jun '10

I say have the baby and ditch the man. You sound like you can move on without him...

mamato1boy1girl Due May 23 (boy); 2 kids; Englewood, OH, United States 3295 posts
24th Jun '10

Unfortunetely this is a decision only you and DH can make. good luck and do whats best for you sweetie.

* Sara * 2 kids; Texas 18864 posts
24th Jun '10
Quoting wendybird:
wendybird California 19406 posts
24th Jun '10

I should add that I am pro-choice...but if you planned this pregnancy you should keep it....to me that's a no-brainer. jmo

Turtley Mikey Due October 31; 2 kids; California 50611 posts
24th Jun '10

Not sure what to say, other than good luck with whatever you decide.

*sarah*jean* 3 kids; Castle Rock, Washington 5286 posts
24th Jun '10

You sound like a very smart mama. Either direction, I think you'll do well. Just listen to your heart. I had one years ago, and it was the best decision I could have made. No regrets at all. Good luck darlin, and keep us posted!

Mer is a Douchebag TTC since Dec 1999; 1 child; Bald Knob, Arkansas 72472 posts
24th Jun '10

I haven't been in that position, so I can only imagine what a difficult decision you have to make. Only you can make the best decision for yourself and your family.

juicccy ☂ 2 kids; Sacramento, California 22265 posts
24th Jun '10
Quoting wendybird:
Heather&Rylie 17 kids; Anchorage, Alaska 8271 posts
24th Jun '10

Best wishes for you and your family hun <3

The Santa Stalker 16 kids; 1 angel baby; Louisiana 11733 posts
status 24th Jun '10

sounds like you'd be better off without him to me mama. why give up a baby you wanted because he treats you like crap? good luck with whatever you decide :)

~Momma in 2010~ 17 kids; Oklahoma 970 posts
24th Jun '10

Quoting wendybird:

user banned 2 kids; Saint Catharines, Ontario 151075 posts
24th Jun '10

Whatever choice you make will undoubtedly be difficult and painful in various ways.



I imagine the confusion in a situation like this must be intense. You want the best for yourself, your family, and this potential child you're carrying.



I can only really say what I'd do in your shoes (or rather what I expect I'd do in your shoes). I would not feel comfortable having a child in that situation. If I was unsure about the future of my relationship, I would not feel like it was a good time to bring a child into the world, and into my family. As I am strongly against adoption for myself, that would leave me with abortion. It would be painful, and difficult, but I feel it would be the best thing for myself, my existing children, and my potential child as well.



Whatever decision you choose, best wishes.



C.