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how do you deal with toddler attitude? BG BREAK 17 kids; Colorado 20504 posts
1st Jun '11

My son is driving me bonkers. He has the worst attitude. If I tell him something he puts his hands on his ears, or sticks his tongue out at me, or just has a tantrum. I am getting very frustrated with him, and I really don't know what the solution for this is. Is it just a "phase"? will he grow out of it? With the way he is acting right now, I think he will be in jail by the time he's in high school. I feel like I'm failing him, but I don't know what else I can do. He only started acting like this recently.

Clk 2 kids; Dexter, Michigan 11973 posts
1st Jun '11

Some of that is learned behavior like putting hands on his ears. Also he is probably doing it for attention, just ignore the bad and praise big for the good. Eventually he will come around.

Blythe. 1 child; Indiana 22368 posts
1st Jun '11

welcome to my life, they are just testing the limits. I am a firm believer in time outs. My daughter is bad as hell at home but thank god she is well behaved in public. She just recently started smoking twigs :roll: when I tell her to stop she puts her hand up like "don't say shit to me mommy"

~*Navy Wife*~ Washington 3159 posts
1st Jun '11

When Audrey does things like that or gets super sassy, I put her in timeout. I taught her how to say sorry and she gives hugs and kisses. She genuinely feels bad if I say 'timeout.' She still has her moments. And for tantrums and stuff, I will actually walk her to her room and get down to her level and tell her that she can have some time by herself to calm down. She'll stay in there for about 3-5 min and then come out and apologize usually. I just make sure she apologizes and don't back down when she acts out. If you give in to what he wants, it only encourages that behavior.

BG BREAK 17 kids; Colorado 20504 posts
1st Jun '11
Quoting Miss Blythe:" welcome to my life, they are just testing the limits. I am a firm believer in time outs. My daughter ... [snip!] ... She just recently started smoking twigs :roll: when I tell her to stop she puts her hand up like "don't say shit to me mommy""


I use time outs, he lays in his room and kicks his (half) door, screaming his head off. :cry: I was only trying to do a few minutes since he was so young, but it doesn't seem right to let him out of time out when he's having a tantrum.

somethingcleveraboutleavi Harvard, Illinois 26541 posts
1st Jun '11

I hope to the good Lord someone can fill me in..We are dealing with the exact same thing she tells us "NO" constantly...and she thinks going in the corner is a game.......
She will be in there the full 3 minutes then say I'm sorry Mama....I pawnise (promise) Then do whatever it was she went into the corner for again...Laugh and PUT HERSELF IN THE CORNER......How do you deal with that????

Katie's Bees Virginia 15428 posts
1st Jun '11

I did time out... immediately... and before they got out, we talked about the "right" way to respond or ask for something, and they couldnt' get out until they said it nicely and apologized.

They test their boundaries and push the limits... I found that it's best if whatever you do, you're consistant with it and follow through... evey time. Some days it's a lot harder than others, but the sooner you "correct" the behavior, the easier and nicer it will be for everyone. The longer stuff like that gets pushed off, the worse it becomes and harder it is to 'fix'. :)



Good luck!

Blythe. 1 child; Indiana 22368 posts
1st Jun '11
Quoting CJulian:" I use time outs, he lays in his room and kicks his (half) door, screaming his head off. :cry: I was ... [snip!] ... to do a few minutes since he was so young, but it doesn't seem right to let him out of time out when he's having a tantrum."


I do 1 minute for every year of age, so my daughter gets 2 minutes. However if she gets up she has to start the timer over and sit there for 2 more minutes. I normally sit there with her and try to talk about why she is there

Matt Balzano Virginia 1 posts
27th Nov '12

Well this is obviously a very common feeling. But we all vented here and nobody offered any advice. I certainly dont know the answers but can say what we do.
We have found that things that follow with the adlerian psychology philosophy work best. So timeouts work, but only if they are working. if they love timeout then we find something else that matters to them.
the consequence has to be revealed to them in advance and reasonable - some say related but I havent always, been able to find something. And sometimes you need to FIND SOMETHING NOW!
If my 4yr old isnt responding to timeouts for his obstinate behavior I have tried to find what is immediately important to him and say he will lose that for a time if he doesnt listen. I have even used a little cupcake decoration he loved. When he wouldnt get ready to leave the house I took it away and said he can have his cupcake decoration if he got his shoes on and when he was in his car seat. It was all about finding what HE cared about.



Books that helped me are:
Ain't Misbehavin': Tactics for Tantrums, Meltdowns, Bedtime Blues and Other Perfectly Normal Kid Behaviors
&
Honey, I Wrecked the Kids: When Yelling, Screaming, Threats, Bribes, Time-outs, Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't Work by Alyson Schafer



How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will, Too! by Sal Severe



If I Have to Tell You One More Time. . .: The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids To Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling by Amy McCready