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HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 20th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" I found a few more places that accept my insurance and I'm going to call them after class. If I can't ... [snip!] ... more comfortable talking to a woman. I wrote down male doctors too, anyone that takes my insurance, but majority are women."</blockquote>




I would take those appointments if you can't get one sooner.



I feel more comfortable with a female but I've had males too.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 21st '12

f**k!



Another death in my life. And this one is hitting me hard. I loved (like grandfather wise) this man who rode the ambulance that came to the hospital I worked at. We were quite close. Well I just found out he passed away. I don't know any details.



Then a friend's mom passed away.



I'm tempted to just never check Facebook again :(

Sarah +2 ♥ 2 kids; Hollywood, FL, United States 11222 posts
Nov 21st '12
Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" f**k! Another death in my life. And this one is hitting me hard. I loved (like grandfather wise) this ... [snip!] ... he passed away. I don't know any details. Then a friend's mom passed away. I'm tempted to just never check Facebook again :("


I'm so sorry :(

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 21st '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" I'm so sorry :("</blockquote>




Thank you :)

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 21st '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" Im sorry :("</blockquote>




Thank you :)

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 23rd '12

Went to the funeral today. That was hard but it was good seeing my family that I haven't seen in 3 years.



Had a really bad panic attack on the way. It was horrible. And lasted a long time. I took an Ativan and it did nothing.



I've realized lately my mood sucks. I'm almost always suicidal. Just thoughts no plans for now. I could never ever put my parents and other family through another funeral. But we've talking about what we want done when we die because of Tim. They know my wishes. But like I said I'm not planning on doing anything.



It was very strange to see my grandpa's headstone that is still alive. We went to the cemetery and it was right by where we were standing in our faces. I'm not looking forward to the next funeral because all of them are in their 70s and 80s. My grandpa at 80 is the oldest alive. It scares me.



My anxiety is really high right now

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 27th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" Hang in there, loss is so hard :( and def hold onto the fact that you would not wish that pain upon your family."</blockquote>




Thank you. It is very hard.

Sarah +2 ♥ 2 kids; Hollywood, FL, United States 11222 posts
Nov 27th '12

Last week was a really good week for me. I didn't argue w/ SO at all, I was happy all day pretty much the whole week. Then SO was supposed to come stay at my house for a few days and he couldn't because he has some "family issues" he's dealing with. Okay, I get that.



Whenever we argue he hangs up and won't answer the phone for a while (usually an hour or so) and during that time I'm constantly calling him wondering why he's not answering. Is he with another girl, what? He's never given me reason to believe that he's cheating or anything so I don't really think so but there's always this voice in the back of my head that makes me wonder, especially with all of the bullshit relationships I've had in the past. BD was physically and emotionally abuse towards me.



I always end up getting back to thinking of everything that's happened to me, and I feel like shit. I hate the way I look. I think I'm fat and ugly and that SO deserves someone better. Like I don't even deserve to be loved. I get so angry and upset that I cry hysterically and find myself hyperventilating and my chest getting tight and feeling like I can't breathe.



Sometimes it gets so bad that I want to hurt myself. I've thought about suicide and how I'd do it. I'd take as many pills as I can find and drift off into sleep and never wake up. I've thought about it but I couldn't ever do it because I couldn't leave my daughter. I could never. She is the only reason that I'm still here. I feel like I should be a better mom to her, that I should be more patient and pay more attention to her. But all I want to do is sleep. Cry and sleep and never wake up.



I've been putting off going to see someone because I don't want to be diagnosed. I don't want to tell a stranger my deepest thoughts, even if it might help me. I have headaches and body aches all the time. I don't want to do anything. I haven't been going to school so I might fail this semester. I just feel like such a failure at everything.My SO keeps encouraging me to make an appointment and he's pretty much fed up with my insecurities and constant accusations. I don't really blame him but I don't want to lose him. He really is a great guy and he's stuck around through everything.



I feel like such a shitty person sometimes.



This was a much needed vent

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 27th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" Last week was a really good week for me. I didn't argue w/ SO at all, I was happy all day pretty much ... [snip!] ... a great guy and he's stuck around through everything. I feel like such a shitty person sometimes. This was a much needed vent"</blockquote>




I'm sorry :( you are not a shitty person

Sarah +2 ♥ 2 kids; Hollywood, FL, United States 11222 posts
Nov 27th '12
Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" Last week was a really good week ... [snip!] ... such a shitty person sometimes. This was a much needed vent"</blockquote> I'm sorry :( you are not a shitty person"


I feel like one. I'm just like why... why am I like this?

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 27th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" I feel like one. I'm just like why... why am I like this?"</blockquote>



You are depressed :( you need to get into see someone

Sarah +2 ♥ 2 kids; Hollywood, FL, United States 11222 posts
Nov 27th '12
Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" I feel like one. I'm just like ... [snip!] ... like one. I'm just like why... why am I like this?"</blockquote> You are depressed :( you need to get into see someone"


I know :cry:

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 27th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" I know :cry: "</blockquote>



I'm sorry :(

Sarah +2 ♥ 2 kids; Hollywood, FL, United States 11222 posts
Nov 28th '12

I'm going to call some places today.

HopingforaMiracle 1 child; USA 23103 posts
Nov 28th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" I'm going to call some places today."</blockquote>



Yay!