My first Son's name is Dylan I was at a ripe age of 15 when i discovered I was set to become a mother, This is the story about how my son came to have wings,
It was 1998 I was in high school blending into the crowds, I wasn't particulary into boys or even having a boy friend, I was on the slower sider of my age and a very easy target, i met a boy (for legal purposes I will call him Joe Doh) His name was Joe Doh It was through a branardos youth group that i attended (I grew up my mother was a single mother on a pension with alchol and drug problem) every saturnday. Joe Doh was State ward and lived on and off with his father and in refugees I didn't ever think anything of I didn't ever think of Joe Doh been anything more of an aquatance untill he all but begged me to "Go out with him", My friend also talked me into it, As time went on we hung out together mainly at the youth group, Going hiking, helping out with the radio station & going on there school holiday camps.
There was a camp ran by barnardos in easter holidays & my older brother suggested taking some "POT" as he could get his hands on some, I been 15years old greatfully accepted & took it along to share with all the others (most we had chated about it), The camping trip was to the south coast somewhere for 5 days or so, while we were camping a convo came up about me sleep in my boyfriends tent (I was sharing with a friend and her boyfriend was sharing with Joe Doh) It was decided we would sneak into each others tents after having some joints, As one thing leads to another (I now know why he was eager to get me in his tent) It was to late to back out, My first boyfriend my first time I felt guilty and horrible & to top things of our youth worker busted us in the tent in the morrning we swore nothing but kissing happened.
as the weeks dwelled on and one thing lead into another I was allowed to stay over Joe Dohs place (He lived in a share house) around end of June my mother suggested i go see a doctor (Call it mother intuition) and get a pregnancy test Of course i was to self absorbed to think anything about it, Untill I was telling my best friend of the time and she said "Well have you had your periods", I swore that i had, had them early that month, but she said "JUST IN CASE", As i sat at our local youth drop in health center I wondered what would happen, I coulden't be a mother you have to be grown up and have to have lived first, The doctor i saw was great she realy helped me she also suggested i take the test so as a i sat waiting for the results i already knew what had to be done, If i was pregnant i could just get rid of it somehow, what's that word hrmm abortion ahh thats right I could hear the doctor trying to make convo with me untill i realised she was saying Your pregnant! I burst into tears with my hands in my face wishing i was dead rather then pregnant, the next thing thats was said was There are choices, i managed to stumbel out I don't want IT I'm too young, she asked how long i hadn't had my period for (I realy didn't know) she also asked me to lat upon the bed to feel my tummy she was pressing around my naval and it was hard and hurting, the doctor said i will send you for a emergancy ultrasound at the hospital to see what we could do she also asked about why i didn't want IT and if i would regret getting a termination, later that afternoon i was at the hospital getting my ultrasound done the rood was silent i lay there looking at the white and black fizzy screen i realy didn't know what was going on, then the tech asked me if i would like to know the gender, I was like Nah it's okay i am having a tremination, The tech just looked at me and asked if she could just step out of the room for a minute, I was shocked had i said something wrong??
the next thing i knew was a doctor walked into the room was looking at the screen asking me questions about if i had talked to my youth health clinic about how advanced i was in this pregnancy, The doctor proceded to let me know that i was 17 weeks and too late for a termination, Wow what a bomb shell i was handed a pic of my baby and a appoinment at the antinatal clinic and a appiontment to have some counciling just before i was about ready to go My friend was begging me to find what sex was "the baby" was, The tech asked me if thats ok I just shurged my sholders and said yeah, she said "a little boy", when i got home i told my mum she didn't looked fazzed & the only time i have needed her support more than anything in my life she said"I will support you know matter what you choose" I was astounded mym mum supporting me, I had to tell her it was too late for a termination & the Baby is a boy, She talked to me about what a hard job it's going to be, But i decided i coulden't have a baby and out him up for adoption, Joe Doh didn't want a thing to do with our baby "He still wanted to see me so long as i had an abortion, I tryed telling him that i was to far he just asked me if there some medication that would get rid of my Baby our relationship ended pretty much after that especialy after he threw me aginst a wall and threatened me, My pregnancy was brezzing then in september I was ran over by a car, Could you belive 3 broken ribs, My collar bone out of place a fractured skull 26 stiches in my head and grazzes and a few small burns & all my little boy sleep't through the whole thing un-harmed, Every three days after the accident i had to go into the hospital for check ups becasue of the accident, then on the 10th november @35 weeks i woke up with a sore back, by 3pm i was in amens pain (still in my back) and decided to go to the hospital, when i arrived (I went to the clinic, In aus we have our check-ups at the hospital) I decided to go to the anti-natal clinc becuase it was in my back (thinking it could have something to do with the car accident and i wasen't due for another 5 weeks) the clinc were busy so send me up to the labour and delivery, A Nurse there started monitering me and with in ten minute she said "Your in labour" My mum smiled looked at me and said "How dose a baby sound On the 10th of november", No i wasn't ready to have my little boy I still had 5 weeks to go he's not ready.
The nurse wanted to check me i was embaressed, she told me i was half way 5 cm and that i should go for a walk, On my travles i saw my midwife she told me she heard i was in labour and wished me all the best. My labour was taking a long time and by 7 ish that night they decided to break my waters becuase my labour wasn't progressing At 11:57pm on the 10th of november my Baby boy came Into this world weighing in at 7 pounds and 2 Ounces & 47 cm long he was a little porker as the birthing nurse told me, he spent 4 days under the lights in nicu & helping the regulate his temp and sugar levels and was released from hospital at 9 days old.
The moment my life changed forever was on the morning of the 10 of december 1998, As the sun was rising and I woke to find my Little boy had left earth, My baby lived for 30 days I was mortified why me??
What had happened??
The coroners report indicated sudden infant death syndrom...
My sweet little angel changed my life I didn't know what love was and I knew the second i looked at my Angel, He has made me stronger.
people ask me how could have i gone on to have more kids??
How did i cope after My baby's death??
I perosnaly can't answer because we are all diffrent.
Dylan Justin - 10 th November ----- 10 th December 1998
Quoting Tweaky rachie:" My first Son's name is Dylan I was at a ripe age of 15 when i discovered I was set to become a mother, ... [snip!] ... My baby's death?? I perosnaly can't answer because we are all diffrent. Dylan Justin - 10 th November ----- 10 th December 1998"
Wow, I am so so so so so sorry to hear about your loss. That is awful..
That's terrible, I couldn't imagine..
So sorry for your loss.