Reply
Suicide, divorce, & custody BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
29th Feb '12

My husband and I are divorcing and I often find myself having suicidal thoughts. I think to myself if I was dead my LO wouldn't have to move from home to home every other weekend. If I was dead, my soon to be ex-husband wouldn't have to go through with the divorce and he could move on knowing that he wont have to go days without seeing his child. If I was dead, my LO would have a good life where he isn't torn between two parents.



He said he'd take me to court for full custody. Which has me terrified to seek professional help for fear that he will use it against me in court and be granted full custody. Surely the courts will not allow a suicidal, unstable parent have custody of their child right?



I am so lost and confused. What do I do? I need help. I just don't know where to go. I don't want to do anything that could make me lose custody of my child. But if I was dead... I wouldn't have to worry about it... I wouldn't have to hurt over it, but I don't want to leave my child like that, I don't want my child to say my mommy killed herself when I was a baby.



I just don't know where to go from here or what to do. I need help.

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56009 posts
29th Feb '12

Seek help

The courts look favorably upon mothers who are in treatment and getting help.

Erin-Emely Due June 24; 16 kids; Ottawa, Ontario 57 posts
29th Feb '12

If you don't get help your are TOO Sick to take care of a child. And the fact that you are NOT getting help will help him to win the case. If your suisidal, then you shouldn't have full custody of your baby, Im sorry to say and he will most likely win.

*B & D Mommy* Due January 19; 2 kids; Illinois 16137 posts
29th Feb '12
Quoting Kelly&Coralie:" Seek help The courts look favorably upon mothers who are in treatment and getting help."


This!!

Zoe&Harper's Mom (Em) 2 kids; Alabama 16920 posts
29th Feb '12
Quoting Kelly&Coralie:" Seek help The courts look favorably upon mothers who are in treatment and getting help."


:!: Exactly. And Op your child will not be better off without you if anything it would effect your child for the rest of his/her own life. My brother in laws dad took his life when he was a child and too this day he looks at his father in disappointment and as a coward (even though I have tried to tell him that he dad wasn't any of that but depression got the good in him) Please seek help!

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
29th Feb '12

So it would be worse for me in court if I don't seek professional help? I just don't want to lose custody of my child.



I know I wouldn't do that to my child, but these thoughts scare me to the point where I know I need professional help. I just don't want it to come back and bite me in the ass.

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
29th Feb '12

You need to get help. He may get temporary custody while you get treatment but once you are in good complete mental health then there is no reason why you couldn't have joint custody. I know it's a hard situation but your LO needs you.

user banned 2 kids; North Carolina 7623 posts
29th Feb '12

Does your husband know that you have been having suicidal thoughts? If he doesn't know, then he can't bring that up in court but i'd definitely get help. Going through a divorce is hard on any parent and it can cause depression so it's normal to be depressed. Don't hurt yourself because of the divorce, your baby needs you. Things wouldn't be better for your son if you were dead. I'm sure there would be all kinds of thoughts running through his head as to why his momma killed herself.

Killing yourself isn't the answer, getting help is!

Stay strong for that little boy.

OH Brother! 17 kids; Pennsylvania 2257 posts
29th Feb '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" My husband and I are divorcing and I often find myself having suicidal thoughts. I think to myself if ... [snip!] ... child to say my mommy killed herself when I was a baby. I just don't know where to go from here or what to do. I need help. "


First of all I am so sorry that you are feeling like this.
Secondly, Suicide is not the right option. Your child would not have a mother, that is one of the most important people in a childs life.
It will be okay. I promise. If you are truly having suicidal thoughts then you need to seek professional help. You do not have to let him know you are going. And there is confidentiality where the therapist you see cannot disclose what was talked about. Say you are going to better deal with the stress the divorce has on you. Sweetie, there are plenty of options out there, you just need to try them.
Unless he can prove that you are a danger to that baby, you will not loose custody. If you don't act on your thoughts, you are safe. I promise.
If you need someone to talk to you can PM me, even if its on your real profile. GOODLUCK OP!

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56009 posts
29th Feb '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" So it would be worse for me in court if I don't seek professional help? I just don't want to lose custody ... [snip!] ... scare me to the point where I know I need professional help. I just don't want it to come back and bite me in the ass. "



if your husband beings up your mental health and you aren't getting treatment, that could look bad to a judge.



Ladee+Grant+Lilly 2 kids; Tallahassee, FL, United States 20841 posts
29th Feb '12

I don't know why they WOULD look down on your seeking help for yourself. Not everyone is always happy and perky and puppies and rainbows. Life is messy and they know that. With that said...



Please please PLEASE look into treatment. One day you will look back on all of this and be like...yeah it sucked but I made it. And you will be stronger for it, and for your baby. Please get help.



And I'm so sorry you're in this situation to begin with. Mega e-hugs. (I wish you could touch people through the computer sometimes)

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
29th Feb '12
Quoting chassidy ♥:" Does your husband know that you have been having suicidal thoughts? If he doesn't know, then he can't ... [snip!] ... as to why his momma killed herself. Killing yourself isn't the answer, getting help is! Stay strong for that little boy."



No, he doesn't know. But if his lawyer did digging, couldn't he use it against me?

~*~ Nichole ~*~ 4 kids; Vancouver, Washington 11261 posts
29th Feb '12

Going through a divorce is hard on anyone and no one could fault you for having some depression over it. Getting help though shows that you are a responsible parent and that you care about your children and know that they need a healthy mommy both physically and mentally! Also if you haven't already, I wouldn't share your suicidal thoughts with your ex or anyone he is close with because it cannot be brought up in court unless they bring it up and have proof. It would just give you one less thing to worry about. Go get some help, you and your kids deserve it!

These City Walls 1 child; San Diego, California 2605 posts
29th Feb '12

Getting help will make you feel better, better able to parent your child and will benefit you both. It will also make you better able to deal with the situation you are going through. Stay strong your child needs you!!!

I have not been in your exact position but it took me a LONNNGG time to get help for my PPD and my behavior during that time almost destroyed the marriage. Now that I am on medication things are getting better.

Ladee+Grant+Lilly 2 kids; Tallahassee, FL, United States 20841 posts
29th Feb '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" No, he doesn't know. But if his lawyer did digging, couldn't he use it against me?"


People seek therapy for any number of reasons. Doctor patient confidentiality atattches, and you can say it's just because you're having a hard time dealing with the divorce. I really don't think unless you say it outright they can bring it up against you if they don't know.