Reply
I just need support .nnnb British Columbia 18155 posts
4th Mar '12

never mind im not getting any comments. :cry:

paula h 1 child; New Mexico 1452 posts
4th Mar '12

Im so sorry :(
stay strong and believe in yourself only you know what is right for you just listen to your heart and do whats best for you and your LO

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
4th Mar '12
Quoting SmashleynSmallyPants:" My fiance is an alcoholic. Today he drank all day long (my DD is with her father for the weekend btw) ... [snip!] ... child. Someone please give me some kind words. I need something right now I just dont know what. No drama please, save it. "



Here is my take on the situation. Take it for what it is worth.

You have a child that is dependant on you for a stable and happy life. You have to do what is right for her FIRST and FOREMOST. I get the emotions that are involved with an addict. I was with one for many years. Fortunately, we didn't have children. Leaving without children was a struggle so with is just that much harder. If I were in your situation, I can honestly say I would get an abortion. I say this because having one child to worry about while you get your life back on track is hard enough but to add a pregnancy and then a newborn with the drama from the ex on it, is more than anyone can take.

The thing is that you have to make a decision and stick to it. Right now you want to leave him and start fresh. Will you feel the same way in 2 days? Will you be sure that the abortion was the right decision? Making the right decision for you and your situation is only half of the battle. Sticking to it is the hard part.

I am sorry you are going thru this momma. PM me anytime!!

.nnnb British Columbia 18155 posts
4th Mar '12

I deleted my OP, I guess im being super sensitive right now. Thankyou to those who commented before i deleted lol. I think i should just get some sleep. thanks again

Mom2William&Michael 2 kids; 1 angel baby; New York 7600 posts
4th Mar '12

You WILL be okay. I won't pretend to have been in your shoes. But my cousin was in a very similar position, except he was doing hard drugs and not drinking.
She left. She struggled with it her entire pregnancy, and talked about adoption, but the first time she held her baby, she knew what she had to do. She left her home in Pennsylvania and moved back to New York with her parents. It was tough, money was tight, and she needed her family's help for a while.
But now? He's 11 and she doesn't regret anything. She's married to a great man and has another little boy.
Things worked out for her. I'm sure they will for you, too.

Skitti 17 kids; Grand Haven Charter Township, Michigan 1508 posts
4th Mar '12

I am so so sorry to hear you are going through that. Living with an addict is hard, and leaving them is even harder.



Just remember you have to do what is best for you and your LO.



Does he do this on regular basis?

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
4th Mar '12
Quoting SmashleynSmallyPants:" I deleted my OP, I guess im being super sensitive right now. Thankyou to those who commented before i deleted lol. I think i should just get some sleep. thanks again"



Sorry. It took me 100 years to type my response. lol

Because this is AS you will have alot of support no matter what. Like I said, PM me anytime.

Loading... 1 child; Louisiana 970 posts
4th Mar '12

Deleted.. Happy??

.nnnb British Columbia 18155 posts
4th Mar '12
Quoting Missie93:" I am so so sorry to hear you are going through that. Living with an addict is hard, and leaving them ... [snip!] ... them is even harder. Just remember you have to do what is best for you and your LO. Does he do this on regular basis?"


no he never acts like that towards me. though he has binged like this since I've been pregnant. I was having NONE of it. So he will be good for a little while but eventually starts having a beer here and there- playing with fire. Tonite he is a trainwreck, Ive never had to deal with him be so mean and angry at me. Usually he treats me like an absolute princess and even apologizes while he's drunk if he starts upsetting me. This time he was like "we're done. I cant do this anymore. I wont do it, sorry" then it eventually got slightly violent in the car

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
4th Mar '12
Quoting Missie93:" I am so so sorry to hear you are going through that. Living with an addict is hard, and leaving them ... [snip!] ... them is even harder. Just remember you have to do what is best for you and your LO. Does he do this on regular basis?"



No words could be more true than this statment!!!


Binge drinking is just as bad as the daily drunk. It is the binge drinker that does the most harm generally.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
4th Mar '12
Quoting Jon'David&&Mommy!:" You really"


Retract your statements. This is AS! Please check the forum.

kr.r 1 child; Dallas, TX, United States 8736 posts
4th Mar '12

First and foremost, I am so sorry you have to deal with such a stressful situation, especially while you're pregnant.



I understand that the child you take care of on a daily basis - your daughter - needs you to do what is best for you and for her, but you say you know that you want the child you're carrying, that it's "what [you] actually want." If you know you want this baby, I don't think abortion might be what's best for you.



It's abundantly clear that you need to get away from your fiance though and break that commitment. It's wonderful of you to want to fully support him, but you're absolutely right - he has to want it for himself. It doesn't sound like he's good for you and your daughter if he has that much of an issue with drinking. He needs to choose his family or the booze; there is no in between.



Having two children to raise by yourself certainly doesn't seem like an easy task (I've never been in that position myself, so I can't say for sure), but I wouldn't say it's at all impossible. Is there no way you could get any help from your parents? I can understand if you wouldn't want to rely on them, but some temporary assistance is nothing to be ashamed of.



Whatever you end up choosing, I wish you the best of luck. Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how torn you must feel. Wanting to do what is best for your daughter above all else, but also wanting to keep the baby you're carrying. Having a fiance that frightens you with his addiction and his anger, but not being able to just walk out because you still care for him and want him to get better.

kr.r 1 child; Dallas, TX, United States 8736 posts
4th Mar '12
Quoting SmashleynSmallyPants:" I deleted my OP, I guess im being super sensitive right now. Thankyou to those who commented before i deleted lol. I think i should just get some sleep. thanks again"


Not being super sensitive at all! You're going through a f**king lot right now. You need to be able to talk about it. Whether it's on here or to someone who is close to you.

.nnnb British Columbia 18155 posts
4th Mar '12
Quoting Jon'David&&Mommy!:" You really can do it without him..and without aborting your baby!! My mom had me and my sis at 18&21 ... [snip!] ... and don't let him get the leader of you killing that baby.. Prove to him you don't need someone like him and u can do it alone"


i know I am strong. thankyou :) He is the most giving amazing person sober, I cant say that enough. I tried to stand by him, I kept believing in him but now he's got nobody left but me and now he's starting to take our relationship for granted. I cant drag my babies through it.



I told my mom I cant go through an abortion. And shes being very supportive- but i know if it were her call- she wouldnt want to help me with yet another baby.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
4th Mar '12
Quoting SmashleynSmallyPants:" no he never acts like that towards me. though he has binged like this since I've been pregnant. I was ... [snip!] ... time he was like "we're done. I cant do this anymore. I wont do it, sorry" then it eventually got slightly violent in the car"


A binge drinker is the worst kind. They are un predictable. They get to the point they don't know what they are saying or doing and often act out of whatever emotion they have in their heads. If they are happy, they are the life of the party. If they are angry, they are liable to do some serious damage. Only you know what you want to do with your relationship. As the former "victim" of an addict, I can tell you that only you know the right decision and it is the one your head makes not your heart.