So i have really not wanted to post on here about this subject because of all the controversy but i really need to let my feels out and maybe see if anyone else has gone through this..
I had an abortion on March 1st. I was 9weeks2days and i thought that it was what had to be done. My boyfriend is in school full time, i have a 2 year old with another guy and I was/am planning on returning to school in a few months.. so in order to get back on my feet i thought that having a baby was just out of the question and wasnt convinced that SO would stick around long enough for the baby to even be born and i was/am not ready to be a single mother to 2 children under 2.
But now 4 days after.. i have these rushes of emotions where all i can do is cry, i open my mouth to talk and i just burst out crying. I dont feel sad that i had the abortion.. i think its more the life events that have been going on that i am more bothered by.. But my boyfriend is thinking its the abortion and keeps reminding me that it was the right choice.. part of me wants to hear him say "you know if the time had been right i would have loved to have a child with you" but he would never..
I close my eyes and i see the inside of the room where is was done, and then i see the machine that they used and the remains of my "insides" im haunted by it. not by the fact that the abortion removed a soon to be baby but the scenery and the location of where it happened.
I dont know how to move on and remove the images from my brain.. id like to escape myself for a couple of hours have a normal nights sleep and maybe the imagines will be gone.
I am so sorry. I am here if you want to talk. I had an abortion around 6 weeks ago.
Talk to someone if you need. <3 It helps.
Feel better soon mama :(
Try not to be hard on yourself. It was what was best. Sometimes, I feel like it would have been better if I had gotten an abortion. I feel like I'm damning my daughter, even though it isn't true. You did what you needed to.
I just wish that SO was more emotional about the situation.. but it will never happen.
I know that he is there for my to speak to him about how im feeling but he doesnt understand me one bit.
I just want the memory of the clinic gone.. it was like a dungeon the people were very nice but i still have all the visuals in my head its driving me nuts.
I had an abortion when i was 16 years old almost 7 years ago and this experience is bringing back the images from when i was 16 i cant turn my brain off
please remember you are still dealing with pregnancy hormones, and the reality is still very fresh. Call the place where you had it done and see if they can offer you a referal for a councelor or a free support group. there are also support groups online.
Quoting just.let.go.:" please remember you are still dealing with pregnancy hormones, and the reality is still very fresh. Call ... [snip!] ... it done and see if they can offer you a referal for a councelor or a free support group. there are also support groups online."
Im feeling WAY better, thank you for everyone that replied.. just being able to put my feelings out there and not have anyone reply negatively helped huge amounts.