Quoting EnnaBennaBanana:" Drug addiction becomes more then a choice. It's an addiction. It's SO hard to quit it changes the way ... [snip!] ... a very tough thing to get over. A family member of mine has been a drug addict for 20 years. It's hard not to lose hope. "
See this is where Im going to have to tell you that since you dont know this woman then you opinion in the matter means less then nothing. I have tried for so many years to give her the benefit of the doubt because at the time I couldnt understand the hurt she went through that made her choose a life of drugs instead of choosing to face her pain. But a few years back when I went through the exact same thing she did and I was faced with the same heart breaking pain I was able to understand her pain fully and at that time I could no longer defend her. Because not only after being exposed to drugs my entire childhood (in my house drugs were always out in the open and constantly offered to my brothers and myself) and going through what she went through I was still able to deal with my pain instead of hiding from it with the help of drugs. I am in no way saying that its easy to overcome an addiction because I know its not but in the end no matter how you want to look at it these people chose to became drug addicts and it is their bad choices that have turned them into horrible people.
Quoting Safka9973:" In my DHs exes case, she has been addicted (and this is what I have read online, and been told by her) ... [snip!] ... simply something very wrong with them. Simply having drug problems is no excuse for being unable to discern right from wrong."
See and as much as I believe that children grow up to be the people their parents raise them to be I still wouldnt blame your DHs exs drug problem on her parents alone. Like Ive said many times I was raised by addicts and Ive had to watch both of my brother's become addicts themselves but I myself have never been and addict. Do I blame my mother for exposing my brother's to drugs? Hell yes but I will never blame her for them becoming addicts because they where the ones who choose to use drugs. She didnt make that choice for them just like she didnt make my choice for me. Im so sick of everyone blaming addicts actions on their addictions because they arent doing bad things simply because they are high they are doing bad things because they choose to that is all.
Quoting Caydence's mommy 4/4/09:" See this is where Im going to have to tell you that since you dont know this woman then you opinion ... [snip!] ... to look at it these people chose to became drug addicts and it is their bad choices that have turned them into horrible people."
People handle things differently. I'm glad you overcame what you did. But some people turn to drugs to feel better and then the drugs take them over. Sometimes it traps them. It's not a choice to become a drug addict.
Most drug addicts do horrible and hurtful things....expecting that from a drug addict is normal. As sad as it is you can't give drug addicts the benefit of the doubt...the drugs alter the way they act and think. I never ever trust a drug addict. It is their bad choices to try out drugs...but their bad choices lead them to addiction which turns into a disease and a sickness. I'm glad you didn't turn to drugs and get addicted like she did. There are to many people dealing with this horrible disease.
Quoting EnnaBennaBanana:" People handle things differently. I'm glad you overcame what you did. But some people turn to drugs ... [snip!] ... I'm glad you didn't turn to drugs and get addicted like she did. There are to many people dealing with this horrible disease."
I understand that everyone handles things differently but when you have a huge support system that is willing to help see you through your problems then there is no excuse to turn to drugs instead. I didnt have that support system where as she did but I still managed to deal with my problems without turning to drugs. And its their choice to try drugs that leads to their addiction but in the end it was still their choice that made them the person they are today and instead of blaming their actions on their drug use its time we started blaming their actions on their bad choices. I know from dealing with the addicts in my & SOs family that the longer you excuse their actions because of their addictions the longer they think its ok to act the way they are acting and take no responsibility for their actions. Because as long as you blame everything on their addiction they will do the exact same thing. Not only that but blaming their actions on their addiction is only enabling them no matter how you want to look at it. I only deal with SOs sister because she has kids and please believe if it werent for her kids SO and I wouldnt do shit to help her because as long as she has us and the rest of his family paying her way she thinks its ok to spend all of her money on drugs because she knows that no matter what none of us will allow her kids to go without something just because she is fucking shit up.
Quoting Caydence's mommy 4/4/09:" I understand that everyone handles things differently but when you have a huge support system that is ... [snip!] ... she knows that no matter what none of us will allow her kids to go without something just because she is fucking shit up. "
I never said to blame everything on their addiction. I in no way was trying to say that.
You have to show tough love defanitly. I have a family member who we have kicked out for bringing drugs into our house. (She's been addicted since I was 5) She knows she's only allowed to come if she's clean. She makes the choice to be homeless. We have left her in jail without bail hoping it will help her. We know it's the drugs and her disease cause her to behave like this though. We don't baby her over it or let her play the victim. She has done some bad horrible things all due to this addiction.
It turned into something horrible where when she tries to quit she gets terribly ill where she could die from withdrawl. She said she hears herion call her name. She's SOOOOO Screwed up from this drug. This family member of mine has a support system but got lost in drugs anyways. It happens and it's not good but it turns into a disease.
Sometimes pimps kidnap girls and get them addicted to drugs so that they can use them. These girls become so addicted that they feel they need the drug and then they go and prostitute themselves out for drugs. It turns into a serious disease that changes the way you think and act...
Ps. DEFANITLY NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO GIVE DRUG ADDICTS MONEY!
when and if my family member comes along we give mcdonalds cards so she can eat. By giving your sis inlaw money it IS feeding her addiction. Have you talked to the family members that are doing this?? It's seriously not a good idea!
Quoting EnnaBennaBanana:" I never said to blame everything on their addiction. I in no way was trying to say that. You have ... [snip!] ... it IS feeding her addiction. Have you talked to the family members that are doing this?? It's seriously not a good idea! "
I think you misunderstood me lol. We havent given her money in years and before that we only ever gave her money once because she called me crying about how her FS were cut off and she didnt have any food in her house to feed her kids(at the time she claimed she was clean but she wasnt). I felt bad for her kids so I convinced SO to take them money we had set aside for our power bill to give her to buy groceries. Not even two days later she called with the same sob story and I asked her what happened to the $400 we had just given her the other day and she flipped out said I was a fucking lair and that we hadnt given her any money. So I talked to her oldest child and found out that their really wasnt any food in the house and since SO and I no longer had any money left because we had just given it all to her SO went out and got a payday loan and went out and bought groceries for her kids. When we showed up at her house with all the food she again flipped her shit and tried to refuse the groceries because she didnt want the food she wanted the money "so she could go buy food that she wanted" but in the end the kids convinced her to take the food by crying nonstop because they hadnt eaten in two days. After that she refused to allow us to see her kids for over a month because we didnt give her Since then we havent given her a dime instead we will either take her shopping to get her what she needed or we would go get it on our own and bring it to her. Even when we have paid her bills we never gave her the money we just went and paid them for her. Normally when we go shopping I always by extra items (like shampoo, toothpaste, tampons ((even though I dont use tampons)), toilet paper, ect.) so that I have those items on hand incase they run out at their house. I learnt my lesson the first time and its not a mistake I will ever make again.
Quoting Caydence's mommy 4/4/09:" I think you misunderstood me lol. We havent given her money in years and before that we only ever gave ... [snip!] ... on hand incase they run out at their house. I learnt my lesson the first time and its not a mistake I will ever make again."
Wow..horrible and sad.
Brings back memories to me from when I was small :/
Good idea with the extra stuff you buy. You can also go to thrift shops and get clothes their to give as gifts and stuff. For holidays if my family member decides to come around (we never know) We usually have a HUGE bag of clothes from the thrift store for her along with tooth paste and all that stuff and some mcdonalds cards for food.
Have you done an intervention? We have with my family member...but never really helped. :/ She's to far gone and to sick. It's hard to have any hope at all.
I hope your sister in law will get better. It does happen for some...even when all hope is gone.
Quoting EnnaBennaBanana:" Wow..horrible and sad. Brings back memories to me from when I was small :/ Good idea with the extra ... [snip!] ... have any hope at all. I hope your sister in law will get better. It does happen for some...even when all hope is gone. "
Ive talked to her numerous times about her addiction but as far as a real intervention no we havent done that because all that will happen is she will get pissed and make it where no one can see her kids(anytime anyone in the family pisses her off she gets back at them by taking her kids out of their lives she even uses them to get what she wants from her family). When she actually gets clean I always have a heart to heart with her and tell her that her being clean is not only the best thing for her but the best thing for her kids. I grew up with a strung out mother so I know exactly what her kids are going through and where their lives are going if she keeps doing the things she is doing. Right now she uses her kids as her meal ticket because she knows if they werent with her she wouldnt get any help from anyone and more then anything she has ever done that alone makes me hate her more then words can express. Dont get me wrong if she is one day able to not only get clean but stay clean I will not hold any of this against her because I understand that people make mistakes but it just kills me that her kids are the ones that have to suffer because she rather get high then deal with her bad choices. Those poor kids dont deserve to see their mother like that and sadly both of her sons (ages 14 &12) are going to hate her for the rest of their lives they already hate her now and if she keeps this shit up its only going to get way way worse in the future. And honestly it scares the living shit out of me to think about the person her daughter is going to grow up to be because she idolizes her mother and tries to do everything she does and wants more then anything to be just like her mother. My best friend growing up was the same way and her mother was a drug addict too and sadly she because an addict at the age of 12 had her first baby at the age of 13 and she ended up killing herself at the age of 17 leaving behind 3 little girls and she was 5 months pregnant at the time of her death. Alyssa (SOs sister's daughter) is only 10 right now and I pray every single day that she doesnt end up like my friend did and if there is anything I can do to stop her from becoming an addict and a teen mother I will do anything in my power to make sure she doesnt make those mistakes.
Why did OP change the first post to that?