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Regret every day AwkwardAndSilent 2 kids; Chambersburg, Pennsylvania 57 posts
5th Apr '12

I just need to get this out. I had an abortion 3.5 years ago and I still remember everything. I think about that child every single day and the stupid choice I made. For the past year and a half, my husband and I have been trying for a baby and it just isn't happening. When I got pregnant that second time, it was literally just one time that month. Now I can't even get close to it. I am ridden with guilt and I'm pretty sure that we can have sex until our brains explode and God wont give me the opportunity to hold a child in my womb again. I hate feeling this way and I tried to pray for forgiveness and I've cried a lot over it but I can't go back.. Am I alone?

Mari-C 18 kids; Nebraska 3695 posts
5th Apr '12

I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this and I'm more than positive you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I myself have not been through this, but I just wanted to lend some support and hope that one day you and your husband can have the child you strongly desire. :)

RyanMichael'sMama 1 child; Pennsylvania 573 posts
5th Apr '12

I have never had an abortion, but honestly, I doubt that you are alone. I'm sure that there are several other people on here that are going through something similar to what you are going through right now.. And I'm sorry that you have to go through something like that. I'm sure you will get a baby if you just keep trying. Just don't give up. :)

blah 17 kids; Alabama 7639 posts
5th Apr '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting AwkwardAndSilent:</b>" I just need to get this out. I had an abortion 3.5 years ago and I still remember everything. I think ... [snip!] ... I hate feeling this way and I tried to pray for forgiveness and I've cried a lot over it but I can't go back.. Am I alone?"</blockquote>




Everyone that I personally know who has had abortions feel the same way. I'm sorry your going through this.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
5th Apr '12

You're not alone.
SO and I got pregnant years ago because we 'thought we couldnt get pregnant at that time of the month'.
I did everything in my life to change it so that if we ever got pregnant again we would never have to consider abortion.
Our son was born with cancer, and I still think it was Gods way of punishing me. Thankfully, He let me keep my baby, and he is now 1 year cancer free.



Dont beat yourself up mama. Even though I think like you, I also know its silly, and that the two really have nothing to do with eachother. Find a way to make peace with the choice you made. Learn to forgive yourself. Talk to other moms who had to forgive themselves (like you are doing on here) and maybe you'll find something that works for you.



Good luck....you will hold a child in your womb again mama..you will.

Sandra0411 Due August 27 (girl); 2 kids; Texas 213 posts
5th Apr '12

I am sorry for your pain. Having had two abortions when I was younger and not ready for a baby (one happened when I was on bc), I understand that we still feel for the babies we lost. It may have been our choice but we still feel sadness. When my husband and I tried for a baby for almost a year and did not concieve, I wondered many of the same things as you. In time though, we did conceive. We have our daughter and are expecting our second in August. I believe if you forgive yourself but still allow for the sadness at times, you will relax. When you relax and the time is right, you will have your baby you deserve. I hope all works out for you.

The Blissful Six 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Massachusetts 10260 posts
5th Apr '12

I'm sorry your hurting so badly. I hope you can find some peace. *hugs*

Justine♡ 2 kids; California 2214 posts
5th Apr '12

Sweetie, if you haved prayed for forgiveness, you have been forgiven. He is a loving Father and does not want to see you suffer. I do believe He has plans for us all, even if they are not what we feel is right or what we want. Keep praying for another blessing. I'm sure that He will fulfill your desires in His timing.



My husband and I tried over a year to get pregnant again. My doctor said that it would be really hard if not likely due to the condition of my uterus. However, when we gave up hope and least expected it, we found out that I was pregnant.



Hang in there and know that you are unconditionally loved. Praying for you.<3

Kea O_O 4 kids; British Columbia 1480 posts
5th Apr '12

I do not believe it is a punishment, you have nothing to feel guilty about, if you are haveing trouble getting pregnant tho I would sugjest you go to a doctor to see if there is a factor you don't know about

AwkwardAndSilent 2 kids; Chambersburg, Pennsylvania 57 posts
5th Apr '12

Thanks ladies, I appreciate your kind words. It's something I never talk about but it's always in my head. We were hurting money wise... I was going through a strong depression... and our baby was only 8 months old. Looking back now.. there is no excuse but then there didn't seem to be any way to make it work. Once we did it, I swore I'd make my life better and I also swore if I had 5 kids and found out I was pregnant again, I'd never do that again. I'd always make it work. But anyway, since then I went back to school and get my associate's degree in business and got a job making almost twice as much as I was at the time. Things are definitely better now. Hindsight is always 20/20. Nobody knows about this but my sister and husband and a friend. And my husband admits he gets sad thinking about it but I don't think it hit him as hard as it hit me. He wasn't in the room with me. All I had to do when they told me I was 6 weeks along was say never mind and go home. That's it. Gosh I know I tried to forgive myself but I guess I still don't.



I did go to the doctor and they told me to lose weight. That's it. I don't really like going to the doctor because I never seem to get much of a response and I always feel like I waste my time. I have lost some weight but it's a work in progress. I feel like they wont do anything for me unless all other possibilities are exhausted. I'm like 15 lbs heavier than I was when I found out I was pregnant before.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
5th Apr '12
Quoting AwkwardAndSilent:" Thanks ladies, I appreciate your kind words. It's something I never talk about but it's always in my ... [snip!] ... me unless all other possibilities are exhausted. I'm like 15 lbs heavier than I was when I found out I was pregnant before. "


Maybe...and just maybe....they mean lose weight because your confidence will grow, and with that you'll be happier and with the weight loss challenge you'll be focused on something else.
Maybe.

Trey&Genesis'momma 4 kids; 4 angel babies; Somewhere, IN, United States 4585 posts
5th Apr '12

Well although I have never had an abortion due to my own beliefs, I am very truly sorry that you are having to go through this terrible guilt and sadness. I had a false positive just 4 weeks after having my last daughter and due to the dr telling me I had high risks of something going wrong, I DID for the first time contemplate abortion and I struggled with making that decision but thankfully, it was just a false positive and I didn't have to experience a true abortion. Don't let the guilt get to you. You made your decision for your own personal reasons and if you have asked for forgiveness....that's all you can do. I think you would be forgiven though and I really don't think God would punish you by not allowing you to have another pregnancy. Keep having faith that someday you will have another chance and try not to stress out too much. I have always heard that stress can actually cause you to be temporarily infertile although I have never had this problem. Good luck to you and your hubby and I hope one day you can make peace with yourself.

Teaganzmama Due May 27 (girl); New York 83 posts
6th Apr '12

next month will be 9 years i had an abortion. I felt like it was the worst thing i have ever done. I felt the pain when it was being done. Still to this day i sit back and think about "what if " It took me 8 years to get pregnant again and when i did i was pregnant with twins but ended up having a miscarrage. I lost all hope. I felt lke god punished me for what i had done with the last one. I am pregnant again and due next month. Every day of this pregnancy I pray and hope that my little girl will be ok when she is born. I freak out at every little pain or if i dont feel her moving around enough. I got 7 weeks to go. Im nervous, scared, worried, anxious, and exited all in one. I hope you get ur chance to have ur baby. God bless you!!!!!

BenjiBearMommy 1 child; 1 angel baby; San Diego, CA, United States 1289 posts
8th Apr '12
Quoting AwkwardAndSilent:" I just need to get this out. I had an abortion 3.5 years ago and I still remember everything. I think ... [snip!] ... I hate feeling this way and I tried to pray for forgiveness and I've cried a lot over it but I can't go back.. Am I alone?"


You are not alone I am going through the same thing ! There is not a day goes by that I don't think about him.her and it breaks my heart I have never told anyone until right now its really hard talking about something like this! :(

Kim Myron Due June 9 (boy); 33 kids; Puyallup, Washington 54 posts
9th Apr '12
Quoting AwkwardAndSilent:" I just need to get this out. I had an abortion 3.5 years ago and I still remember everything. I think ... [snip!] ... I hate feeling this way and I tried to pray for forgiveness and I've cried a lot over it but I can't go back.. Am I alone?"


I was 15 when I got pregnant and had an abortion and my ex was 18 and graduating high school. I was stupid and didn't think I could get pregnant but I did and my parents made me get the abortion... It was really hard because his mom was very supportive and against it and I knew his family would have helped but he also didn't help me with the decision making on getting it done. We never used protection after that we were together for 3 years and never got pregnant again! Then I got pregnant with my daughter and now I'm pregnant again with a boy! I believe it's gods way of telling you he will bless you with a child when you can come to terms with what you decided to do. I do regret my abortion but I have come to terms with it. If I wouldn't have done that then I wouldn't have 2 beautiful children now. Let me know if you need help with coming to terms because I know what it's like. I was really bad with regretting it and I wanted to end my own life sometimes because of the decision I made. You just have to be strong!