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I wish I could stop thinking about it. BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
9th Apr '12

Long story...
When I was 17, I had sex with my ex boyfriend (who was still a good friend). We used a condom but it broke, so I got the morning after pill about 10 hours after having sex. This was only the second time I had ever had sex. Two weeks later, my period still hadn't come, so my best friend came with me to a walk in clinic and had them do a pregnancy test.




The dr. came in and said congratulations, you're pregnant! I was so angry and upset. Why would a dr. say that to a 17 year old girl? I didn't want a baby. I called my mom and told her the news. I actually told her that I had sex and needed the morning after pill. She had been very supportive through out everything. Probably helped that she had my brother at 16.



I knew right away that I was going to have an abortion. And at that moment I knew what it truly meant to be pro-choice. I told a couple of my best friends that I was pregnant, I needed comfort. I was devastated. After that, I called and made an appt to have it done. When the procedure was done, I thought I was only six weeks pregnant but apparently, you have to add 2 weeks, so I was actually 8 weeks.



I had a dream a few days before the procedure. I was rocking a baby boy and humming a song to him. I said I love you, Andrew. After that, I knew the baby would have been a boy. And I would have named him Andrew.



I decided not tell the father. I knew he didn't want the baby. He was a bit of a partier and quite the ladies man. Plus, I didn't want him to try and change my mind.



After the procedure, I laid on my bed and felt empty. I didn't regret having done it though. I still don't regret having done it. But I think about it all the time. What if? What if? Lots of what ifs...



My life would be completely different if I hadn't done it. And I honestly don't think I would be in a very happy place. I love my life now and if I kept that baby, I would be miserable. I graduated high school with honors. I traveled the world and met the man of my dreams while out there. Now we have 2 beautiful children and I am happy.... Yet, I still think of Andrew.



He would be ten now.



I thought about him last night. And for the first time, I figured out my EDD.( I still remember the exact day I had sex. ) My heart sunk into my stomach when I realized I would have been due on my 18th birthday.



I honestly don't know why I needed to write this down. I have never told anyone (besides my husband) since it happened. But I have felt, since being a apart of this site, that I needed to tell my story. But I wanted to do it anonymously and didn't want to make another account.



Thank you for reading this long post. Maybe someone has advice for me to let my baby go finally.

Elle With FOUR! 4 kids; Wichita, KS, United States 18964 posts
9th Apr '12

I'm so sorry it's on your heart so heavily.



I've never had an abortion, but, I've had multiple miscarriages...I've found my comfort in answering the what-if's with the answers to the questions that I liked....what would baby look like? It'd have SO's eyes, my cheekbones, and SO's lips. Who would it act like? Me. etc etc etc.

Sugar. 17 kids; New Zealand 779 posts
9th Apr '12

I don't have any advice but I am really sorry for your loss.
I had an abortion myself 3 years ago and I have had trouble dealing with it ever since.
It's a really tough thing to go through and I hope you feel a little better after sharing your story.

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
9th Apr '12

You just have to take comfort in knowing that your life never would have been the same had you had that baby. You made the best decision for yourself and the situation you were in. You may never have finished high school. You most definitely wouldn't have had the chance to travel the world and probably wouldn't have met your husband or have the children you have now. I know it's hard not to question it, I've done the same many times, but there is nothing you can change about what happened. If you feel that you did the right thing then take comfort in that.

Elle&Cole 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Rio Rancho, NM, United States 23215 posts
9th Apr '12

awe, momma this is such a great and inspirational story. I am so happy you are happy. PS-it was very nicely written if I do say so myself!:D

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 27275 posts
9th Apr '12

I'm glad you have "moved on" but if you haven't, there is a great message board for those who have had abortions. I will not publicly post it but if you or anyone wants to PM me that have had an abortion I will gladly send the link onto them. It greatly helped me when I needed it (I have had an abortion) but I no longer post there because I don't feel the need to anymore. It's a GREAT source of help though... even if you've felt like you've moved on it is great to talk to others.



So even if you talk to me from your regular account, your secret is safe with me if you message me for the addy. I just like to pass on the addy to help others. Those who have had me help them with that board can pipe up and agree if they'd like, or they can stay quiet too. But I just like to help others because I know how much an abortion can hurt. But it also feel great when you can heal from it too and talk to others.



**hugs**



Thanks for sharing... I hope you move on and heal. There ARE resources on there for people who need it, this goes for anyone on this board. Again, I will not publicly post it because of people who are against it, but I absolutely will give the link to anyone who asks me in PM. :)



**hugs again**

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
9th Apr '12

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.



I think about what he would look like all the time. His father had white blonde hair as a child and I know he would have had it too.



One thing that kind of annoys me is that the father doesn't know. it was my decision to not tell him but when I see how happy and carefree he is (we're still friends on FB :?) I just want to tell him. But I won't. He doesn't deserve that.



And thank you EG's Mommy. I have started this story so many times in the past. I always knew what I wanted to say but never quite knew why I wanted to say it.

alliewolf2010 Due August 13 (boy); Missouri 2 posts
10th Apr '12
i just want to say i was 15 years old when i did mine i do not regrate it no one can make me feel bad because really in my mind i dont feel a child should be raising a child. And at fifteen it was my first time and i think after that i didnt have sex till i was ready and mature to have one. And now im 20 years old married to my husband i have been with him for almost two years and were expecting our first child ( A Boy) this Aug. i dont think what if i just keep taking every day as it comes and not looking back into the past because i know i would be sad from my past if i kept thinking what if. Im so blessed to have this chance again to even have a child.
alliewolf2010 Due August 13 (boy); Missouri 2 posts
10th Apr '12
i also want to say you have a wounderful life now and im sure two beautfiul children and a great husband! i loved your story because there is so many of them out there and no body listens to people that arent pro choice...