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I don't know what to do - BFP BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
2nd May '12

Me and BD have one child. We are together. I was on depo for the longest time, but it made me irritable, with fits of depression (even the prescriber believed there was a connection). I hated it, so I went off. I just recently got my first period and decided it was definitely time for more serious birth control... but my OBGYN (I got the depo from the health dept.) said she would not prescribe me anything (and was a total c**t about it). I decided to get another appt with a new gyno....



Well, last night I was talking to my friend and I was like - I have to test tomorrow. I have to make sure (AF due on friday but I had a leftover FRER from a few months ago). We have been using a combination of pull out, condoms when we remember.... we had one accident but I had vaguely estimated that I wasn't ovulating so it wasn't a big deal.




Welllll. I got a positive pregnancy test this morning. It was faint at first but darkened up reallll fast.



I'm in shock. IDK what to do. I called what I thought was an abortion help hotline but they don't do abortion or referrals for abortions, so I hung up as soon as I got the name of the program... I don't want to accidentally talk to someone who is going to convince me of something NOT because it's best for me, LO, and SO (in that order) but because they believe yada yada.



We're just not ready.... we could make it work, but it would be hard(er than it is). I'm working on my BASW and I can't... I don't want to come home to a newb and a toddler. IDK is SO has even ever taken care of two little kids at once. I know I couldn't afford to stay home (aka not working) more than two months. But we could make it work. I would be paying out of pocket for the delivery, but we would receive food stamps.



I feel like I want talked out of aborting - but then I want to abort - but then I remember that I made LO... I could do it again.... But then I think about not having my degree, SO having just been through a rehab program and got clean and had a slip up recently... He's not ready for another baby. Neither of our jobs are long term or secure.



I dont' know what to do. I don't know who to talk to.

The Blissful Six 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Massachusetts 10260 posts
2nd May '12

In the grand scheme of things, this choice is yours. Take some time to think about it. Hasty descions are usually bad ones. Do what is right for you.

Crystal Mom of 4 4 kids; New York 6309 posts
2nd May '12

It sounds like you aren't really sure what you want yet. Take some time to think about the pros and cons. Think about what you would have to change/do if you have another LO, are those changes things you are willing and able to make? As long as you are sure of your decision you shouldn't regret making either choice because you will know it was the right one for you. Good luck.

thisunrest India 10364 posts
2nd May '12

Myself,I would abort. At that point in my life and in that situation I'd View the pregnancy a threat to my familie's quality of life.



Resources would be stretched too thin, my kid would need his mom to be present for him emotionally as well as physically and my husband would need my strength to help him stay firmly in sobriety while he recouped and then got in touch with his sponcer.




No matter what my heart said,I'd act on what I know to be in the best interest not just of me ,but my whole family.If an unplanned pregnancy at the worst timing came Up I'd feel saddened by aborting and I know I 'd grieve a bit but it would be done.

Zbornak 1 child; Moncton, New Brunswick 2688 posts
2nd May '12

Take some time to think about it. Talk things over with your SO. Make a pros and cons list. You can figure this out.



Best of luck.

~~Kris~~ 18 kids; California 1795 posts
2nd May '12
Quoting julianna's mama:" In the grand scheme of things, this choice is yours. Take some time to think about it. Hasty descions are usually bad ones. Do what is right for you."


:!: this :)

3 Little Ladies + Mommy & Due April 17 (girl); 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Maryland 7447 posts
2nd May '12

Take time and think about it. You don't have to make a decision right this minute. Figure out what is going to be best for you and your family. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
2nd May '12
Quoting Zbornak:" Take some time to think about it. Talk things over with your SO. Make a pros and cons list. You can figure this out. Best of luck."


i agree w/this . And if you would qualify for foodstamps you should qualify fo medicaid. Find out what assistance your family would qualify for.....(medicaid, foodstamps, childcare vouchers, school grants,ect.....) Then weigh your pros and cons and talk to SO.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
2nd May '12
Quoting 5 blessings so far....:" i agree w/this . And if you would qualify for foodstamps you should qualify fo medicaid. Find out what ... [snip!] ... for.....(medicaid, foodstamps, childcare vouchers, school grants,ect.....) Then weigh your pros and cons and talk to SO. "


I do not want medicaid, I just don't want to rely on the gov't or state more than I absolutely have to. I hate it. I get the pell grant and foodstamps..



I'm arguing this so much in my head. On one hand, the financial burden wouldn't really change, I spent less than $200 on all of LOs things... splurged here and there on clothes, but a lot of them I kept. I would just need newborn stuff. The rest I am highly confidant I can trade items or babysitting for (I live in a poor community and it's highly effective when you need something but have no job or way to get a job or money).

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
2nd May '12
Quoting Izzy {+1} Calls Me Mama:" Take time and think about it. You don't have to make a decision right this minute. Figure out what is going to be best for you and your family. Good luck and I hope everything works out."


I don't think I'm comfortable with aborting past 10-12 weeks. So I've put a limit on it and that gives me 6-8 weeks to decide, which really made me stop freaking out so much.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
2nd May '12
Quoting Zbornak:" Take some time to think about it. Talk things over with your SO. Make a pros and cons list. You can figure this out. Best of luck."


Thanks...



SO is against abortion. He is cold towards adoption. He thinks we can do this. I know we can do it, I just don't know how it's going to affect everything.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
2nd May '12
Quoting thisunrest:" Myself,I would abort. At that point in my life and in that situation I'd View the pregnancy a threat ... [snip!] ... pregnancy at the worst timing came Up I'd feel saddened by aborting and I know I 'd grieve a bit but it would be done."


I feel like the most responsible choice, at this point, is abortion. But I also feel like that, in some ways, would be negating the fact that I could have threw a fit at my gyno and gotten at least depo until I could wean and go on the pill. I could've been more proactive about condoms. I don't know if I believe abortion is so much of a solution and not just an option.... because I'd still deal with a lot of stuff... idk.

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 67507 posts
2nd May '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" I feel like the most responsible choice, at this point, is abortion. But I also feel like that, in some ... [snip!] ... if I believe abortion is so much of a solution and not just an option.... because I'd still deal with a lot of stuff... idk."

I was in your shoes a few months ago. I chose abortion for a wide range of reasons, but mostly because I decided my son deserved better. There is no point in beating yourself up over the past events that led you here, its not gunna change your situation. You have time to think about what is REALLY right for you and your family, so like everyone has said, take the time you have to really weigh out your options. If you need anyone to talk to I'm here.

thisunrest India 10364 posts
2nd May '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" I feel like the most responsible choice, at this point, is abortion. But I also feel like that, in some ... [snip!] ... if I believe abortion is so much of a solution and not just an option.... because I'd still deal with a lot of stuff... idk."</blockquote>




Sure you could have done some things differently,but people live and learn.
And your'e not obligated to stay pregnant for any reason.Pregnancy shouldn't be a punishment.



Abortion is an option not a solution,you're right.But wouldn't it be easier to deal with the stuff you mentioned without the added pressure at a bad time?



In the end you have to do what you think is best for everyone.It's not the easiest decision in the world,and I wish you the best::hugs::

Sarah ♥ K&K 2 kids; South Land, CA, United States 120663 posts
status 2nd May '12

Best wishes. You are in a tough spot and unsure, I would wait it out a little longer until you come to a decision you are 100% sure with.