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Much Needed Advice... Umm Jhalil Due December 27 (girl); 1 child; Washington, District of Columbia 208 posts
4th May '12

Hi Ladies.... I need some much needed advice...



I posted awhile ago but the possibility of me being pregnant. After 4 negative tests even after my missed period turns out I am. Think Im 6 weeks today based on LMP



Here's the scenario :
Im married and have one child. I am supposed to graduate from college next week but due to much stress it may be another semester. Lately I've been kind of depressed. My husband and I don't live together bc we are both in school...he lives 2 hours away... we just thought it was best to get married.... Another story... Anyhow.... I asked him for a divorce before I found out I was pregnant. The son I have is not from him....



Now fast forward... Im pregnant and he wants me to have an abortion....
In conceiving the child...Things were getting better. In fact a couple months prior he was "almost trying" but I took the plan B bc i wasn't sure if I was ready. Im not big on pills so I vowed to never take it again. It took my body thru some craziness.



My Views on Abortion: ProChoice/ProLife.... Pro choice- meaning No one should be able to decide what a woman does with her body and her child....
ProLife- I dont believe in abortion for myself....UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES....



Now the Dilemma: He wants me tp have an abortion an considering the circumstances it Might be best im just not sure. I scheduled an appt but I dont think its something I could really go thru.



Because of Drama in my family, I dont really have to tell anyone Im pregnant and I dont want to be left caring for another child as a single parent if we cant work things out. Im at the point where im pretty much ready to move on but if i decide to keep the child i would be willing to try a little harder.



I just dont want a baby to be the reason we try to work things out but based on my morals/beliefs it is a good enough reason.



I keep having little breakdowns at the thought of doing it but everytime I say " im just gonna keep the baby" my immediate thought is I cant keep this baby. Likewise everytime I think Im going to have an abortion Im like "i can't" I cant take the abortion pill bc i read too many stories that weren't too influencing. I would have to do it the in clinical way.



Im truly torn... I dont think I would get over it until i had another child.
I have 3 women in my family who are very close to me pregnant right now....they will be a constant reminder. The abortion is scheduled on my "graduation" day....how could i ever forget that... and the baby is due on my moms b-day.....



He keeps trying to tell me its okay bc it is still early and its not a baby yet but I know I can't do it when I know the baby has a beating heart. I just dont want to do it and regret it or become depressed and really regret it. I know once i do it.... I have to leave this situation all together. I can never forgive him for not being supportive when WE were very nonchalant in conceiving. Had I known we would be considering abortion.... i would have taken EXTRA precautions to prevent pregnancy but he is my husband....



Sigggggghhh... im like really sad. I keep telling him i need him to help me deal with it and the only thing he says is RELAX dont think about it but i like HOW CAN I NOT??????? Im trying to cope with it before so it wont be so bad after.... ?



i just cant imagine being pregnant and then NOT. I just believe if it wasnt meant for me to be pregnant I wouldn't. When i had my son I thought the world was ending and he turned out to be the best thing that has EVER happened to me.



Any advice please?

Wolfy 18 kids; Oklahoma 2920 posts
4th May '12

What ever you decide make sure it is YOUR choice not his.

Emilia's mumum +1! 2 kids; Beaverton, Oregon 11023 posts
4th May '12

So, I don't know about the rest of it but if you have any doubts whatsoever about having an abortion DO NOT DO IT!

zombie. 2 kids; Leadville, Colorado 23606 posts
4th May '12

you sound like you dont want to abort, so dont. if you do and its not 100% your choice, youll be haunted for thr rest of your life.

Crystal Mom of 4 4 kids; New York 6309 posts
4th May '12

My advice is to not be pressured into a decision by your husband. You need to figure out what you want and what you can handle. You are the one who will have to either go through the pregnancy or the abortion, not him. Having an abortion for someone else isn't a good idea. If you're going to have an abortion do it because you have decided it's the best choice for yourself at this point in your life. Good luck hun. *hugs*

Umm Jhalil Due December 27 (girl); 1 child; Washington, District of Columbia 208 posts
4th May '12

Its def not something I want to regret. Other than me not believing in abortion.... I think abortion is best....kinda.



Like the child would be taken care of and loved but it will be a little more difficult esp if its on my own. He is a great father to his other children but one of us is gonna end up hating the other.



i know that life will go on either way.... One day, I will accept the decision.... Im just wondering if I should " just do it" and wait for the day....



Smh....I told him that getting an abortion is SOLELY FOR HIM. I recognize the benefits and how it makes things easier "for now" but I don't know if its the best decision for me mentally or emotionally right now. I will love my child.

Umm Jhalil Due December 27 (girl); 1 child; Washington, District of Columbia 208 posts
4th May '12

I really needed feedback from those who have experienced this... So I appreciate all of you responding



In some ways, I feel it is best. I can just move on with life....

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
4th May '12

Well I can't tell you what to do OP but i can tell you about my experience. I have been a single mother to two children completely on my own. Believe me it wasn't easy but I managed. Then I got married and everything was great....for like five minutes. We started having issues with our marriage and I mean BAD issues. I was pregnant and KNEW there was no way in hell I could take care of THREE babies by myself and I KNEW I couldn't stay. I had break downs at the idea but in my heart I felt it was best. Now that by no means meant I was happy about it. I was angry at the world because of what I knew I had to do.



But after thinking and thinking about it just I couldn't do it. I had no emotional attachment to the baby at that point but I still just couldn't go through with it. When I went in for my first doctors appointment and had my ultrasound my baby was bouncing around doing flips and showing off. I loved my little bean so much just then that I knew that even if i can't work things out with my DH (though I will try because every marriage deserves a chance) that I would find a way to take care of ALL my kids, because they are the best things in my life.
I wish you the best of luck.

Umm Jhalil Due December 27 (girl); 1 child; Washington, District of Columbia 208 posts
4th May '12
Quoting 1inpink1inblue:" Well I can't tell you what to do OP but i can tell you about my experience. I have been a single mother ... [snip!] ... that I would find a way to take care of ALL my kids, because they are the best things in my life. I wish you the best of luck."


=.) Thanks for your story.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
4th May '12
Quoting Umm Jhalil:" =.) Thanks for your story. "


No problem. you ever need to talk just message me!

Umm Jhalil Due December 27 (girl); 1 child; Washington, District of Columbia 208 posts
4th May '12

Lol Will do... That might be sooner than later.
I have a week to figure it out....

Crystal Mom of 4 4 kids; New York 6309 posts
5th May '12

"i know that life will go on either way.... One day, I will accept the decision.... Im just wondering if I should " just do it" and wait for the day....



Smh....I told him that getting an abortion is SOLELY FOR HIM. I recognize the benefits and how it makes things easier "for now" but I don't know if its the best decision for me mentally or emotionally right now. I will love my child"



It doesn't sound like it's what you want, it sounds like it's what he wants. I don't see anything wrong with him giving his opinion but he should not get to choose for you or pressure you, it's your body. You should not have to go along with his decision and then come to terms with it afterward. If you decide abortion is the best option for you, you should be able to feel like it was a choice you made and he happens to agree with it, kwim?

Sunshine BluSkies Due May 6; Japan 1 posts
8th May '12

I read abt your situation and although your goin thru a dilemma, i feel like the choice is already made.
As you said, YOU are Pro-Life
the baby is due on your mother's bday (they are already a special blessing)
And the baby is already alive...
God will not put you thru anything you cannot handle.
But ultimately only you can decide bc you are the only one that has to endure whatever choice is made.
I pray that you keep this child only bc im pro-life and i feel that this baby is entering your life for an important purpose. I dnt know you but i do know that God works in mysterious ways.
BOTTOM LINE:: if your having doubts, DNT DO IT!!.

Crystal Mom of 4 4 kids; New York 6309 posts
8th May '12
Quoting Sunshine BluSkies:" "


This will most likely be modded. Did you read the rules for posting in this forum?