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Abortion and your mom NICKEL☮POLIS 2 kids; Ontario 6263 posts
17th May '12

Does your mom know that you had an abortion? Was she supportive in your decision? Do you feel like it is a choice you made because of her?
My abortion really changed mine and my mom's relationship. It was what I thought she wanted until it happened and to this day we can't talk about it. It's not that we're upset at eacother, we just can't communicate because I know that she is upset I did it against her will... and I hold such a grudge towards her for making me feel like it was what I had to do and then turning her back on me. And I also hold a grudge over the fact that I didn't feel like I could tell her I was pregnant. I feel like if we had a better relationship then I wouldn't have waited so long and went through what I went through. I know it's not her fault but a mother is such an important person in your life and the relationship with her (at least with me and my mom) shapes every aspect of your life.
I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she can't come to me. No matter what. I don't want her to be afraid of me, to feel threatened by me, to feel like she can't talk to her own mother. I definitely don't want her to have an abortion but if she is ever faced with an unwanted pregnancy and that's the decision she wants to make, I want her to be able to be comfortable sharing it with me, because everyone should have the support of their mom.

Gold 2 kids; Somewhere under Wonderland, VA, United States 35496 posts
17th May '12

My mom knows about mine, in fact, she drove me to PP. She was very supportive of my decision. I don't think it changed our relationship. She also had an abortion before so she kind of knew what I was going through.



If my daughter is in that position and wants to abort, I will support her 100%. I've been there, I know what it's like to need that support.

Super Mommy! Due July 31 (girl); 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Costa Mesa, CA, United States 12491 posts
status 17th May '12

Sometimes as parents, even if we disagree with something our child does, such as an abortion, we'll still support them 100%, because we feel that is the right thing to do. You can't change the decisions you've made, but you can learn from them, and hopefully it can help both of you strengthen your relationship as mother and daughter.

Fhuck. 2 kids; North Carolina 3339 posts
17th May '12
Quoting NIC☮LE:" Does your mom know that you had an abortion? Was she supportive in your decision? Do you feel like it ... [snip!] ... to make, I want her to be able to be comfortable sharing it with me, because everyone should have the support of their mom."



When I first found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I highly considered it. I has PPD after my son, and I've struggled with it for most of this pregnancy, so I eventually told my mother that I didn't think I could handle another child.
She told me that she had an abortion a few years after she gave birth to me, and that it was the only thing she has ever regretted and that even though she was upset that I was pregnant again, she hoped I wouldn't make the same mistake she did.
So, I decided to keep my daughter.

Gir! 2 kids; Ohio 7504 posts
17th May '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting NIC☮LE:</b>" Does your mom know that you had an abortion? Was she supportive in your decision? Do you feel like it ... [snip!] ... to make, I want her to be able to be comfortable sharing it with me, because everyone should have the support of their mom."</blockquote>



My mother demanded I get an abortion, said I had no rights at all in the matter. She made an appointment that day. Then when I said no I wanted to decide on my own she kicked me out. That's not what you were asking but I hope this adds to the conversation as far as having a mother who is or isn't supportive

Gold 2 kids; Somewhere under Wonderland, VA, United States 35496 posts
17th May '12

Also, I'm sorry what you went through changed the relationship between you and your mother. *hugs*

Heddur 52 kids; Saskatchewan 28830 posts
17th May '12

Nope. She knows about my 3 kids, and one miscarriage.

Puff the Magic Dragon! 15 kids; Ontario 14235 posts
17th May '12

yeah, my mom found out in the worst way possible.
I was in the hospital, having gall bladder issues. My mom was spending some time with me (I was in for 11 days), and the dr. came in. The mother f****r said, "So i see you had an abortion last month". :shock: I was FURIOUS. I started bawwwwlllingggg.



My mom said something like.."Sorry you had to make that choice". Yes, she supports me, and no i didn't make it based on my mother. It's a choice, I made for my living children.

user banned Logan, Utah 3594 posts
17th May '12

My mother doesn't know and I would never tell her, she can be really nasty and judgemental and even though it was a 100% harder to go through without my moms shoulder to cry I on I still to this day would never ever ina million years let her know because one day in the future if we had a fight she would bring it up to purposely hurt me and its just not worth it.

NICKEL☮POLIS 2 kids; Ontario 6263 posts
17th May '12
Quoting Brat ✖ Status:" My mother doesn't know and I would never tell her, she can be really nasty and judgemental and even though ... [snip!] ... her know because one day in the future if we had a fight she would bring it up to purposely hurt me and its just not worth it."


My mom is like that :( I did everything I could to have the abortion behind her back because even though it was what I knew she would make me do, I was so scared of her (and rightfully so) that I couldn't tell her. But the doctor made me or he wouldn't do it. I love her so much and try everything I can do to get her approval but it's just not good enough. She's thrown it in my face more than once. Called me a murderer.. once she told me she wished she did to me what I did to my baby. It hurt. But she's a mean person and I can't change that. I can just learn from it and not treat my daughter that way.

Heddur 52 kids; Saskatchewan 28830 posts
17th May '12

Oh wow...reading these things about some mothers saying awful horrible things - makes me sad. my mom and i have a great relationship, and i know she would never say anything bad about it - but she would judge me, secretly, i know that.



Shes one of those people on facebook that reposts EVERYTHING that she likes. I constatnly see prolife material on her wall and it kills me.

Diam0nd InThe Dust 18 kids; New York 865 posts
18th May '12
Quoting NIC☮LE:" My mom is like that :( I did everything I could to have the abortion behind her back because even though ... [snip!] ... my baby. It hurt. But she's a mean person and I can't change that. I can just learn from it and not treat my daughter that way."


My mom is the same way - I told her i was pregnant and was going to have an abortion, and she was very supportive, took my daughter for a couple days so i could recover, made sure i had everything i needed and was comfortable, and a couple weeks after we got into an arguement and i was called a "baby killer" and a "murderer" . My mom suffers from severe depression and bi polar disorder, and she can say some awful things when she's mad, and then she acts like she never said them. It bugs me, and our relationship today STILL sucks because of her not being able to control what she says when she's angry.
I hate to see other people that have mothers similar to mine :/ because i know what kind of hurt it does to you. I've always just wanted to please my mom, and have her approval and love, but i've come to realize that she most likely won't ever change.

user banned TTC since Jan 2001; Japan 107255 posts
20th May '12
Quoting Diam0nd InThe Dust:" My mom is the same way - I told her i was pregnant and was going to have an abortion, and she was ... [snip!] ... just wanted to please my mom, and have her approval and love, but i've come to realize that she most likely won't ever change."


Your mom sounds like my mother... Havin bipolar isn't an excuse to act like an ass hole. She still knows what she said was wrong and that it hurt.

Diam0nd InThe Dust 18 kids; New York 865 posts
20th May '12
Quoting Foxy Bea:" Your mom sounds like my mother... Havin bipolar isn't an excuse to act like an ass hole. She still knows what she said was wrong and that it hurt."


Right! And she continues to do it everytime she's mad. I have to admit, her being such a shitty mother has made me a better mom, i wouldn't say half the things to my daughters that my mother has said to be throughout my life! I'd never want to hurt my daughters like that. It still hurts, to this day, if she says anything, and i should be used to her being mean and rude, but i'm not, and it hurts the same everytime.

adventureolive Due January 1; New Orleans, Louisiana 5 posts
28th May '12

Yes, my mother knows. She knew during the pregnancy and helped me during the whole thing. Both my parents and siblings knew, and my sister even went with me to the clinic. Everyone was very supportive of me, except my ex. I didn't make my choice for her. I made my choice because I was a 19 year old with no money and half an education, and my baby daddy was a fundamentalist extremist who threatened me when I even mentioned the possibility of an abortion. He ended up making an attempt on me, but he went to prison (for far too short a time).