Okay so here's my story.
When I was 16 I was a senior in hig school, I did duel enrollment which means that I took college classes at my local college as credit for high school classes. When I turned 17 I met Daniel. We hit it off right away and were inseperable. We were on a lot of drugs and for some idiotic reason decided to have a baby together. It was the stupidest decision of my life. I threw everything away to be with this man. I don't regret it though, my son is amazing. He is such a shining light in my life. I would never for one second even consider him a mistake. Or even a wrong time. Because I completely got my life together for him. If I had the chance I would do it all again.
Now this man, he was fantastic at first. He is a bit older than me, but he really settled down and was there for us. Then he started going out, and drinking, and partying with his friends. So I left him, packed my stuff and my son and left.
Now we split the time with our son. And I feel like everytime he doesn't have our son he gets to go out, and party, and go to shows, drink with friends and just have a grand old time. I don't. I have to clean, and stay in, and do homework (college), and blah blah blah. If I do go out it is nowhere near what he does. And I'm not even in the mindset to do those things anymore, but I am just so fucking jealous of him!! So jealous that he gets to still enjoy his youth, and do crazy things. I don't even want to do that, but I envy that he has the choice to do that.
If he doesn't want to take his son he can just dump him on me and not worry about it, because I will always take care of him. And I would never take out my frustration and jealousy on my baby. Ever. I don't have that same luxary. If I were to do that I would be way too worried that He wouldn't take good care of our son, or dump him on his alcoholic parents.
I am just so fucking sick and tired of being run down and exhuasted all the time. Of doing everything, worrying about everything. And that my family doesn't support me NEARLY as much as his family does. He lives with his parents rent-free. He can borrow money from his mom whenever.
And they live right next to a lake which he brings our son to all the time. Which is why I'm so upset. I work hard to buy the water diapers, the swim suit, the sunscreen, I make sure his bag is packed. And I have never seen my son go swimming. Ever. I am just too broke to bring him to the beach right now, and too tired to walk to the closest swimming pool. I just wish that BD would see that!! And would offer to bring me along. I would love to go to that lake. I would love to see Charlie get his feet wet, and actually enjoy, and relax with them. But BD doesn't want to spend that much time with me. I just started crying when they left today (lack of sleep, feeling way too hot, and just depressed.)
I KNOW its hard not to be carefree at the moment. If you will push on for a few years though, you will be FULLY INDEPENDENT and can give your son everything he wants and needs, and be COMFORTABLE and not fear the future, and enjoy yourself. Its more a matter of redefining fun. Its really hard but you can do it.
Quoting The Situation:" How old is this guy?"
He just turned 28. He also goes to school, and I know he works hard to keep his grades up. But I just feel like he has ten times more freedom than I do. I mean I take night classes so I can be as SAHM as I possibly can be. And my mom doesn't watch my baby, I had to put him in part time daycare.
I totally understand why you are so frustrated. It is so hard taking care of children, they are hard work, and even harder alone!
As far as providing the swimming diapers and sunscreen...that is something that his father should be doing! You shouldnt be spending your own money to send stuff over to your sons father! You each need to provide your own things for the baby, separately.
It is so tough when you feel like you never get time to yourself, just remember that youre doing stuff right now that will make your life soo much better. You will be able to afford to do fun things that your baby's father wont because instead of getting his life in order he is going out and partying like a teenager.
I just feel so completely depleated. All I want to do right now is drive to CVS get a bunch of junkk food, and chain smoke while I cry to Sarah Mclahclan. But my rent is due on the 1st, and I can't do that. Meanwhile BD's parents will give him ciggs whenever he needs them. And his mom makes the best food, while i'm struggling to make macaroni and cheese interesting...
It's hard being a mom. I can't imagine how difficult being a single parent must be! Can your mom or something take Charlie for you, even just for a few hours, so you can relax, have some you time?
Quoting NIC☮LE:" It's hard being a mom. I can't imagine how difficult being a single parent must be! Can your mom or something take Charlie for you, even just for a few hours, so you can relax, have some you time?"
She doesn't normally like to. It has to be a super special occassion.
Oh I forgot to mention that BD is going to California for a week and a half this summer while I sit at home with my son.
<blockquote><b>Quoting Charlie's Lovely Mommy:</b>" I just feel so completely depleated. All I want to do right now is drive to CVS get a bunch of junkk ... [snip!] ... ciggs whenever he needs them. And his mom makes the best food, while i'm struggling to make macaroni and cheese interesting..."</blockquote>
Do you live w/ your parents or no ?
& I know it sucks ass but think about it, this dude is 28, no job, no responsibilities, no rent, just school. just focus on you, your son & your future, & that you will be an independent woman