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Is abortion right for me Whattodo Due February 7; Japan 22 posts
9th Jun '12

I've recently found myself in a tough spot. I already have two children, a two year old and an 8 month old, I just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant. It's with a different man than my childrens father, we have only been together for about 5 months. He believes that abortion is our best option. He has a very well paying job and stable. But since we have only been together a short while he fears that it will ruin us, that we aren't ready for something like this and he thinks if you are going to have a baby it should be a happy time and something you try for. He's being supportive of me, he listens to how i feel about this and doesn't push me in a direction but in my heart i don't want to have an abortion, I know that I can't on my own afford another child, I have moments already with my two that I find myself saying, 'Thank god there isn't three of you!' they are crazy ones! But It's like my heart and my mind are battling, my brain is saying all the logical reasons of why this isn't the right time for me, but then my heart already feels a bond. I don't know how I can go through with an abortion when I'm not 100% for it. I feel like screaming it to the world that I don't want to do this, but knowing that I'm not ready for another and I'm not strong enough...


Before anyone goes off on the 'You should have wrapped it', we were using protection. I got pregnant on the nuvaring.

I'm looking for supportive words, maybe your own journey and experience. I feel very confused right now.

Mutha. TTC since Jan 1995; 3830 posts
9th Jun '12

If you don't feel that it's right, honestly I don't think you should do it. There is always adoption, also having a baby may not ruin your relationship. My parents were together for a little over a month when my Mom found out she was pregnant, they have now been married for almost 20 years! I hope whatever you do works out for you, good luck.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36500 posts
9th Jun '12

I dont know what to tell you. Does he have any kids?



I have had an abortion. I was not with the guy for any longer than 3 weeks and I was spregnant.



Do what you feel is right.

Ravey Candyass 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Boston, Massachusetts 103986 posts
status 9th Jun '12

You have to do what you feel is best for you. You say he's listening, how would he feel about raising a child with you? Would he be there to help?

Whattodo Due February 7; Japan 22 posts
9th Jun '12
Quoting Link:" I dont know what to tell you. Does he have any kids? I have had an abortion. I was not with the guy for any longer than 3 weeks and I was spregnant. Do what you feel is right. "


He doesn't have any children, He's great with them, I'm shocked that he doesn't have any, he's in his early 30's

omdjt 3 kids; Findlay, Ohio 1238 posts
9th Jun '12

I got pregnant on nuvaring too! If you don't want to do abortion, don't. I think he if really does care about you, he will try to adjust to the situation, and if it doesn't work out with him, at least he's got a stable well-paying job and could pay child support for you!



But if you don't want another child, and don't want abortion either, you could do adoption, and maybe still see the kid every once in awhile...



It's up to you, not him.

user banned Due March 20; 2 kids; Pinckney, Michigan 49647 posts
9th Jun '12

The only one that can figure out if it's right for you, is yourself. How far along are you? If you are early enough, you still have some time to think about what exactly you want to do.
If you do not think you can go through an abortion, then don't. Do you think that for you, it may be "easier" to do adoption?

Whattodo Due February 7; Japan 22 posts
9th Jun '12
Quoting Ravey Candyass:" You have to do what you feel is best for you. You say he's listening, how would he feel about raising a child with you? Would he be there to help? "


We haven't even talked about keeping it, He isn't happy about this. He strongly believes that the stress that comes with having a child will ruin us and I know if I kept it that he would be involved with the child, he would be a fantastic father.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36500 posts
9th Jun '12
Quoting Whattodo:" He doesn't have any children, He's great with them, I'm shocked that he doesn't have any, he's in his early 30's"


Well talk to him about keeping it.



As much as he says hes listening, it seems like he wants you to get an abortion so he isnt responsible for any of his blood kids..

Bobo's mum 1 child; Albligen, Switzerland 2500 posts
9th Jun '12

Dont go through with it until you feel like it is absolutely the right decision for you.



Not trying to sway you, but you said you cant take care of another child yourself... But you wouldn't have to. This guy WOULD pay child support if your relationship doesn't work out in the end.




In the end, it comes down to what you want for yourself and your family. If you are really spread thin with two children... Just make sure you are positive and at peace with the decision you make

Mutha. TTC since Jan 1995; 3830 posts
9th Jun '12
Quoting Link:" Well talk to him about keeping it. As much as he says hes listening, it seems like he wants you to get an abortion so he isnt responsible for any of his blood kids.."

That's exactly what I was thinking! When it's all said & done the choice is yours, not his. It's your body!!

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36500 posts
9th Jun '12
Quoting Whattodo:" We haven't even talked about keeping it, He isn't happy about this. He strongly believes that the stress ... [snip!] ... having a child will ruin us and I know if I kept it that he would be involved with the child, he would be a fantastic father."


From that statement I can see something happening... a) after you get the abortion he leaves. or b) you keep it he leaves.



He doesnt have any kids so he doesnt truly know what those stressors are.
Do what yo uthink is best.



ETA: I have been through this before.

Whattodo Due February 7; Japan 22 posts
9th Jun '12
Quoting (MAM) Lilah's milkbar:" The only one that can figure out if it's right for you, is yourself. How far along are you? If you are ... [snip!] ... If you do not think you can go through an abortion, then don't. Do you think that for you, it may be "easier" to do adoption?"


I don't know if this sounds cruel, but I believe adoption would be a million times harder. If I'm going to go through the pregnancy, I'll be attached and love that baby with all my heart, there is no way i'd give it up if I went through with my pregnancy. I guess i'm selfish for that... I'm 5 weeks, I know though that if I see a heart beating on the ultrasound screen this will become a million times harder.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
9th Jun '12

Talk to him, if he's supportive. Tell him you're not sure about the abortion, ask him what he would feel/do if you continued the pregnancy.

user banned Due March 20; 2 kids; Pinckney, Michigan 49647 posts
9th Jun '12
Quoting Whattodo:" I don't know if this sounds cruel, but I believe adoption would be a million times harder. If I'm going ... [snip!] ... I'm 5 weeks, I know though that if I see a heart beating on the ultrasound screen this will become a million times harder."


It doesn't sound cruel at all. Not everyone can adopt out a child. I don't think I could.