Quoting Momma Riss:" what about a situation where you have a fairly happy husband and wife. Another woman decides she wants ... [snip!] ... I can see what your are saying by the man being to blame. But I just don't see how the woman plays no part in that blame. "
I would say they weren't happy at all or he wouldn't have given it a second thought...
Quoting Momma Riss:" I have witnessed situations in which it was both parties fault. Both people could say no. But they BOTH ... [snip!] ... you are trying to say but I disagree...once a cheater does not mean they always will be. Some people legitimately do change. "
Yeah, she said, yes, but what you are missing is that the CORE person in this, the one who had made a commitment to another person, to love them and only them, to remain faithful, loving etc was the one who said yes. She could have said no, but she didnt, but by her not saying no, shes not hurting anyone else (assuming shes single). He, by not saying no, has destroyed his marriage. Sleeping with a married man is a shitty thing to do, no-one is denying that. But he has free will, even if she wants it, he can say no. And if he chooses not to say no, that is all on him. Blaming the other woman at all just gives the man who is at fault at out.
Quoting ~Ice Princess~:" I would say they weren't happy at all or he wouldn't have given it a second thought..."
If the spouse isn't happy, he or she needs to grow a pair and have enough respect for the other person to let them know.
Quoting * Sara *:" If the spouse isn't happy, he or she needs to grow a pair and have enough respect for the other person to let them know."
What if they did and even WARNED the other half and it still didn't change?
Like my situation. I didn't want to leave him, but I wanted him to straighten up and realize what he had.
I know my situation isn't probably the norm, but I think it actually saved our marriage as messed up as that is.
How about all three? Granted some people don't have any influence over their spouse, but how about being the kind of wife/husband that would make your partner laugh at the advances of another prospect. You made a commitment, you should do the best with what you have. If selfishness on your part made your partner seek for affection elsewhere... all three are at fault: you for selfishness, the partner for selfishness, and, of course the whore/whoremonger third party for... what else but selfishness? Is it an emotional affair? Give your partner every reason to feel safe around you, with the liberty to open up unjudged. A physical affair? Well, there is a good saying that goes "If he is worn out at home than he wont have the energy to run off" maybe its time to get out your red lipstick, and put on your big girl shoes and not even have a reason to debate 'homewreckers' :P not saying you have these issues, its simply my blurb for the day!
<blockquote><b>Quoting Mama C~:</b>" It is used for people who sleep with married men or women and wreck the happy little home as I'm sure ... [snip!] ... wreck a marriage or is it the person themselves who took the vow that wrecked it or alittle of both?? D&D please.."</blockquote>
I agree with her.
The person IN the marriage is responsible for stepping outside of their relationship, no one else.
The mistress or other man owes no loyalties to the husband/wife.
Damn holy thread resurrection! I just saw this was really old and I already had it in my topics...lol