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Conflicting Parenting BlackVelvet 1 child; 1 angel baby; Aurora, Illinois 3939 posts
status 10th Aug '12

I know some people have issues with their in-laws, family or friends when it comes to raising their children.

But what do you do when your SO/DH is conflicting with the way you wanna raise your and his child.

SO and I are having some of conflicts when it comes to raising DD. He said hes been raised around children his whole life and he knows whats best for DD. I told him i havent been raised around children at all and im trying to do things to the best of my knowledge, along with references thru my pedi and the internet. And he yells at me when i dont wanna do something.

Like for instance my pedi gave me permission to give my daughter Benedryl every 4-6 hours for itching and her Atopic Dermitis. I give her Bendryl only when she really needs it and he yells at me for not giving it to her constantly. He doesnt understand that i dont like drugging our baby up.

Another thing is Water, milk, juice and certain foods.. I told him Theres no need for water till shes over a year. I told him that im not giving her milk till shes a year old and I dont want to give her certain foods till shes over a year old (mostly the ones that kids are typically allergic to) She's mostly formula fed and she has the occasional solid and he wants to give her Cheetos and gummy worms to suck on.
He says when shes ready for stuff just give it to her.

What can i do.. Im tired of butting heads over parenting with him..

My Daughter is 7 and a half months old

user banned California 36390 posts
10th Aug '12

I have always wondered this too...My husband is of the philosophy that since I am a SAHM, it's up to me and he trusts me completely. I hope you can figure something out.

BlackVelvet 1 child; 1 angel baby; Aurora, Illinois 3939 posts
status 10th Aug '12
Quoting Jude the Apostle:" I have always wondered this too...My husband is of the philosophy that since I am a SAHM, it's up to me and he trusts me completely. I hope you can figure something out."


I just got a part time job (this week) and up till that point i was a SAHM but the confict was still there.

Jacob'sKeeper 2 kids; Montana 8064 posts
10th Aug '12

Is your DD your SO's only child also? Raising your own child and being raised around children is a totally different thing, KWIM? You're doing great, when your SO get's all pissy about that stuff sit him down and explain it to him. She's your daughter too and you have your reasons for wanting/not wanting to do something. Plus, momma always knows best lol.

BlackVelvet 1 child; 1 angel baby; Aurora, Illinois 3939 posts
status 10th Aug '12
Quoting Bananapancakes:" Is your DD your SO's only child also? Raising your own child and being raised around children is a totally ... [snip!] ... She's your daughter too and you have your reasons for wanting/not wanting to do something. Plus, momma always knows best lol."


Yes its both of ours first child.
We have an age gap as well. Im 25 and he's 43.

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
10th Aug '12

Well, this is a conversation that should've been had before you had the baby, IMHO. And I'm sure that you've tried to talk it out with him. Maybe show him research on why it's best to wait on certain solids/water until after a year? And explain what the Benadryl does to her side effect wise and explain that you'd like to keep her meds to a minimum. You may not have been raised around children, but your heart is in the right place. Try asking him for mutual respect and the opportunity to discuss how you want care for your child and maybe you can compromise.

Aubrey Morgans Mommy Due April 26; 1 child; Reidsville, Georgia 461 posts
10th Aug '12
Quoting Jude the Apostle:" I have always wondered this too...My husband is of the philosophy that since I am a SAHM, it's up to me and he trusts me completely. I hope you can figure something out."


Same here! OP does he go with you to the doctor with you. If not maybe bring him along to her next checkup and all three of you have a conversation about theses issues where he can get a professionals opinion. And your doing a good jobs so stick to your guns on theses issues.

user banned California 36390 posts
10th Aug '12
Quoting RayneNAutumn's Mama:" Well, this is a conversation that should've been had before you had the baby, IMHO. And I'm sure that ... [snip!] ... Try asking him for mutual respect and the opportunity to discuss how you want care for your child and maybe you can compromise."


Oh come on. Who thinks of that before a baby? I'm sure no one sat down before TTC and was like "Okay, delayed solids or no? How about candy? What if she needs some kind of medicine?" Stuff like that you don't really KNOW until you get there.

BlackVelvet 1 child; 1 angel baby; Aurora, Illinois 3939 posts
status 10th Aug '12
Quoting RayneNAutumn's Mama:" Well, this is a conversation that should've been had before you had the baby, IMHO. And I'm sure that ... [snip!] ... Try asking him for mutual respect and the opportunity to discuss how you want care for your child and maybe you can compromise."


He's been to a few doctors appointments.
I try to stick my ground on The benedryl and Water
SO knows she's allowed benedryl every 4-6 hours.
He said water is perfectly fine for a baby.

The food thing i think im rather easy with him on it I told him now she's getting her top 2 teeth in im more willing to comply with giving her more foods

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 5708 posts
10th Aug '12

Ok well the gummy worms is a really bad idea. I typically start cheerios around 6 months. By 'starting cheerios' i normally put them on the table/highchair in front of them and let them figure it out from there. I do the same thing with pretty much all chunky but soft food. No candy until they're older. I'm talking soft vegis and fruit. It's called baby led weaning .. here's a good site for it. http://www.babyledweaning.com/ It's just a slighty different way of introducing solids. There's nothing wrong with the other way, it's just a matter of personal preference. :)



Back to the real issue .. different opinions. They're going to happen. Sometimes DH says dumb stuff and we talk it through normally. I'll be honest, most of the time I win and now that we're on our 3rd baby, he just lets me do what I have to do. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to have different opinions. It can make things frustrating though.



My advice is talk through it with your dh. Show him information on why you want to do the things you do. That way you guys can make the decisions together.

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
10th Aug '12
Quoting Jude the Apostle:" Oh come on. Who thinks of that before a baby? I'm sure no one sat down before TTC and was like "Okay, ... [snip!] ... or no? How about candy? What if she needs some kind of medicine?" Stuff like that you don't really KNOW until you get there."


Delayed solids falls under stuff that could be talked about before, though. Like ERF and EBF and whatnot. But you're right on the spur of the moment stuff. However, I know my aunt and uncle did sit down and talk before TTC. And they discussed things like making decisions together versus letting one parent make most of the decisions with back up from the other parent or whatever. That's more of the conversation I was talking about. Not the nitty gritty specifics.

BlackVelvet 1 child; 1 angel baby; Aurora, Illinois 3939 posts
status 10th Aug '12
Quoting Summerfrost:" Ok well the gummy worms is a really bad idea. I typically start cheerios around 6 months. By 'starting ... [snip!] ... with your dh. Show him information on why you want to do the things you do. That way you guys can make the decisions together. "


I've been trying to do the baby Led weaning. I introduce little things one by one.
I just gave her avacado the other day and a small amount of whatever i was eating.

I show him information on other things and he just doesnt care he said he knows whats best he says i rely on the internet for way to much.

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
10th Aug '12
Quoting BlackVelvet:" I've been trying to do the baby Led weaning. I introduce little things one by one. I just gave her ... [snip!] ... information on other things and he just doesnt care he said he knows whats best he says i rely on the internet for way to much."


Part of this is the age gap. He was raised in a different time. We know more now. And I understand that he thinks you rely on the internet too much, but we women in this thread can tell you from experience and our own pedis and whatnot that the things you are doing are exactly what you should be doing for your baby. You've got the right ideas. It's just down to convincing your SO and getting to some middle ground on how to raise your baby.

BlackVelvet 1 child; 1 angel baby; Aurora, Illinois 3939 posts
status 10th Aug '12
Quoting RayneNAutumn's Mama:" Well, this is a conversation that should've been had before you had the baby, IMHO. And I'm sure that ... [snip!] ... Try asking him for mutual respect and the opportunity to discuss how you want care for your child and maybe you can compromise."


Technically we weren't TTC but we wern't preventing it even tho i said we should of. Before LO was born i was trying to set some basic guide lines on certain things but he told me whatever i mostly wanted to do and ever since LO was born its a battleground. Bad enough im suffering from bad PPD and hes not helping it one bit (a whole new story there)

He thinks i jump the gun way to quickly and i overreact to everything

Aubrey Morgans Mommy Due April 26; 1 child; Reidsville, Georgia 461 posts
10th Aug '12
Quoting BlackVelvet:" He's been to a few doctors appointments. I try to stick my ground on The benedryl and Water SO knows ... [snip!] ... rather easy with him on it I told him now she's getting her top 2 teeth in im more willing to comply with giving her more foods"


Best of luck to you momma. I think you are doing great. Maybe he will come around.