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I can't handle him BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Aug 29th '12

my son has communication delays that put him at the communication level of a one and a half year old. But he has the physical and cognitive abilities of a regular three year old.



But he's been mean lately, and I am losing my patience. I feel like shit. He's been just screaming at me all the time. constantly. If he doesn't get his way, or if I have to transition him from something he likes to something he doesn't like...he f**king loses it and just screams.



yesterday i took him outside to ride his bike. when we had to go in, he threw himself on the ground and started screaming. I brought the bike all the way in the house as he screamed, and then went back across the cul-de-sac to get him, as he kept screaming. I had to drag him in to the house as he screamed, and the whole way I was so embarrassed. He embarrasses me. We got inside and I spanked him really hard, several times. I've never done that before. I was so so mad at him. He was so embarrassing and mean. And I feel like shit and a terrible mom.



As I type he is taking away ALL of his trains from his little brother. all twenty toy trains. he won't let him play on the tracks, he won't let him have a single train. he just screams at him, pushes him away, shouts "NO NO NOO."



He's becoming violent with thrashing and hitting and the screaming is suddenly getting worse. And my patience just ran out yesterday.



I don't know what to do with him. He's just so mean, and I'm taking it so personally.

user banned 4 kids; Mueang Phuket, Thailand 30487 posts
Aug 29th '12

Kids are a*****es. Olain and simple. Putnhis ass in timeout and let him watch his brother play with the toys... Dont let him scream and throw fit. Put him in his room. Mydaughter was the same way.. Now i just tell her to go to her room and she will sit in there.. Before id have to hold the door knob to keep her in... You gotta get throught their heads they wont get Away with it

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" my son has communication delays that put him at the communication level of a one and a half year old. ... [snip!] ... And my patience just ran out yesterday. I don't know what to do with him. He's just so mean, and I'm taking it so personally."


Autism?

Jo&M 2 kids; Delaware 3311 posts
Aug 29th '12

How do you normally handle his behavior? If my 3 year old is taking toys away like that, he gets one warning to share. If he doesn't, then he goes to his room and sits on his bed for 3 minutes. If he doesn't want to sit on his bed, I pick him up and put him there, and every time he gets up he gets another minute added.



ETA: My son had language delays early on. I made EVERY thing into picture charts. For time outs I had one of the time teaching clocks, and I would put it on the minute and show him when time out would be over. If he got up, he hated seeing me push it back another minute.
By sticking with it and enforcing it no matter what, whether he has friends over, whether he's acting up during dinner time... he has learned he's not going to get away with his nonsense.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting Jas ♥:" How old is he? No matter the age, spanking out of anger is never okay but I'm sure you already know that. You seem to be overwhelmed."


just turned three.



i hate spanking in general. it was a terrible terrible thing to do, and im ashamed and angry with myself.

Ronnie RadKat 4 kids; Arizona 22962 posts
Aug 29th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" my son has communication delays that put him at the communication level of a one and a half year old. ... [snip!] ... And my patience just ran out yesterday. I don't know what to do with him. He's just so mean, and I'm taking it so personally."</blockquote>




First of all stop taking it personally! When things like that happen just remove him from the situation, put him in a safe place and walk away. It happens sometimes to the best of us but benefits no one for you to lose your cool. Second imagine if you were unable to communicate, think how frustrating that would be. You'd probably be angry too. Third I'm assuming he's receiving treatment for his speach delays, I would bring up your frustration and the behaviors he's displaying. Ask for help, they can give you some ideas on what to do and possibly refer you to a behaviorist. Hang in there love.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting ☮ Phuket:" Kids are a*****es. Olain and simple. Putnhis ass in timeout and let him watch his brother play with the ... [snip!] ... in there.. Before id have to hold the door knob to keep her in... You gotta get throught their heads they wont get Away with it"


yea, we try time outs, but he doesn't understand why he's there, you know? He doesn't get why he's being put in his room.



But, I guess the last time we really tried was a few months ago, so we will try again.



I feel like I'm raising a kid who is going to turn in to a monster child.



He's so embarrassing to take out. His screaming fits are just intense and insane. people stare. We try to just ignore it, becaus that's what we've been told is most likely to help stop it. But he will just scream for hours and hours.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Autism? "


PDD NOS



which makes me an even more terrible person for spanking him like I did. and for feeling this way. he clearly has delays, and I just don't know how to handle this HUGE gap in communication.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting KayteB:" How do you normally handle his behavior? If my 3 year old is taking toys away like that, he gets one ... [snip!] ... he has friends over, whether he's acting up during dinner time... he has learned he's not going to get away with his nonsense."


we use pictures a lot here. I will try something like that. I made a chart showing where he is for behavior through out the day.



I just don't get what is going on. He was so SO sweet, and then the last week or two these screaming bouts are increasing, and I'm just getting more and more angry and impatient with him.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting Jas ♥:" My kids think time out is a game. I made them each a calm down jar. I took a mason jar, filled it ... [snip!] ... bottom, they can get up from the table. It works for them. Its not really a punishment more of a "calm yo ass down" tactic lol."


pinterest :D



I've been meaning to try that. A visual like that could work for him.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting Spencer Pratt:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" my son has communication delays that put him ... [snip!] ... Ask for help, they can give you some ideas on what to do and possibly refer you to a behaviorist. Hang in there love."


I will bring up my concerns at our next meeting, which is next wednesday. I'm always so embarrassed to bring it up at those meetings...I feel like they think he's fucked up enough, and here I am bringing in MORE shit for them to work on with him. I just have a bad thought process with it. I need to change the way I think about it - they are there to help.




and I know he struggles and is probably very frustrated. But I just get in my own head sometimes and only think about how frustrated he makes ME.

Jo&M 2 kids; Delaware 3311 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" PDD NOS which makes me an even more terrible person for spanking him like I did. and for feeling this way. he clearly has delays, and I just don't know how to handle this HUGE gap in communication."


Do you think he might benefit from a little more scheduling? Like maybe he wasn't prepared to come in from bike riding, but couldn't communicate that?
It seems like a small thing, but a lot of the time if kids with PDD NOS/ Autism know far ahead of time when certain things are going to start/ end it helps them cope immensely. We keep a picture chart with velcro pieces for my son, and every morning we put the pieces in the time frame we are doing the activity. Because of the velcro we can change them as needed every day, like I can stick "grocery shopping" in the 4-5pm category on Thursdays. We even put small things on there, like "outside time" at 2pm -3:30pm Then he gets to take his velcro piece off at 2pm, and put it on the front of his art binder. Then at 3:20 I started counting down the minutes for him to change his velcro piece. At 3:30 he peels it off, puts it in a basket, and takes the net activity off to stick to his binder.
That way ending an activity isn't so much about "stop playing outside" but "come see what's next"

Jaime2013#2 Due February 15 (girl); 1 child; Connecticut 12 posts
Aug 29th '12

My son is kind of going thru the same temper tantrums! My discipline is Time Out........or I start taking his toys away. He absolutely hates both actions but children need to learn discipline. Take things away that he absolutely loves....he will learn.
I would have taken his bike away and told him he needs to earn that privilege back along with a sit in time out!
Spanking is sometimes necessary for some situations but in other situations it teaches children the wrong lesson, in my experience.
If you feel angry with yourself, apologize to him. It'll make you both feel better.

Jaime2013#2 Due February 15 (girl); 1 child; Connecticut 12 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting Jas ♥:" My kids think time out is a game. I made them each a calm down jar. I took a mason jar, filled it ... [snip!] ... bottom, they can get up from the table. It works for them. Its not really a punishment more of a "calm yo ass down" tactic lol."

That actually sounds like a really good idea!! Thanks for sharing that!

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Aug 29th '12
Quoting KayteB:" Do you think he might benefit from a little more scheduling? Like maybe he wasn't prepared to come in ... [snip!] ... off to stick to his binder. That way ending an activity isn't so much about "stop playing outside" but "come see what's next""


that's an interesting approach. I may have to try something like that.



He just transitions horribly from any activity to another. Even if he HATES what he is doing, when we transition to another activity...he freaks out. It makes no sense. It's like, he just wants to be angry to be angry.