Cast Your Vote:
- She's your mother, talk to her -- Votes: 6
- After everything she's done, Dont give her a chance -- Votes: 34
Ok so heres my issue. My parents have done some REALLY fucked up things to my family and I. Im going to list these things and let you help me decide what to do. Its long so please bear with me, Im desperate.
-they are enablers, when I was heavily addicted to drugs they turned away and acted like they didnt know. they did this with all 4 of us kids.
-when i met my SO he got me clean, he also got my brother sober, my dad got in his face and said our family life was none of his business and to stay out of it, i think he didnt like that SO was in a way 'showing him up' by being a good person and getting us sober when he had never truly cared about our sobriety.
-My dad and I have been in multiple physical fights, many times the police have been involved and I have been escorted to my jobs for my saftey.
-my father has placed GPS systems on my vehicles to stalk me
-I have had CPS and the police show up at my door for many reasons that have all been thrown out because all the allegations have been false. All these allegations were by my mother.
-My mom tried to convince my SO 2 years ago that I was a prostitute, she got so into the story that he believed her and actually left me over it. Needless to say, I have never been a prostitute.
-My mother has taken my oldest away from me and hid him from me refusing to give up his whereabouts until I placed an amber alert for him.
-My father has taken my oldest out of state and refused to return him, eventually my mother had a heart and returned him before the police caught up with them
-I took my father to court to place a restraining order on him, my mother stood up against me and bold faced lied about multiple things to make me look bad.
-My SO attacked a man who molested my oldest son, my parents took the side of the Chomo instead of my SO.
-2 months ago my mom tried to convince my sons other grandma to lie to me so she could see the kids.
I understand a lot of the things Im angry about are with my dad, but my mother has just stood by and enabled him to treat us this way. I feel so much hate and anger towards this woman but the christian in me says to turn the other cheek. the grudge in me says she'll never change. she sent me a message n facebook:
I am going to be in az next week, please can I see you and the boys, even just a few min. I am your mom and I love you as much as you love your children. Please call me! I promise I will not interfere with your life. Want to make amends and spend a few min with you. Mom
What should I do? do I give her a chance to plead her case even after everything shes done and allowed to be done to me or do I tell her no and move on with my life? Ill answer any questions you guys have that will help in answering to poll. Please, I need advice.
If she defended someone who molested my child she'd be out of my life period.
Dont enable her to ruin your life anymore... she sounds like she needs c**t punted.. and honestly after all that bullshit you listed.. I wouldnt have parents anymore.
This is harsh but f**k them. I am so sorry they put you through all of that. They don't deserve your time and to be near your children.
I think with all of that drama, I would have completely cut them out long ago.
I think if you have any inclination that this visit has any chance for causing drama, I would ignore the message and go on with life. Also, accept that if she does something nuts, that YOU invited it by seeing her in tne first place knowing her history.
If you aren't afraid she could do any damage in a short visit, anf you feel bad, then it is a "kind" thing to do. But if she were to run off with one of your kids, her happiness wouldn't beworth the risk.
I probably would just not see her, but I've seen enough family drama in my life time.
right and I feel the same way however Im constantly angry over all of this and I want my feelings to be heard. by hearing her out im not condoning her behavior nor am I promising to forgive her. I havent spoken to her in over a year and I have so must negativity bottled up inside that its only hurting me. My family and I have had minimal problems since theyve been out of our lives and I want to make that clear. My sponser told me I need to talk to her. Not to let her back into our lives but to express my feelings on the situation.
<blockquote><b>Quoting Δ ½ ∂:</b>" If she defended someone who molested my child she'd be out of my life period."</blockquote>
:!: My "mother and father" have never met my 7 months old dd and never will. I've been done with them for two years now and honestly my life has been much better without them in it.
I think if you must talk to her, do it over the phone!
I would be so afraid of putting my kids at risk or stirring up drama in your family that i would not let them back into my life for anything.
Quoting Mum-of-2:" I think if you must talk to her, do it over the phone! I would be so afraid of putting my kids at risk or stirring up drama in your family that i would not let them back into my life for anything."
I agreed to meet with her in a neutral area for lunch so I coud make my feelings heard. my children will not be around
<blockquote><b>Quoting Momma Kylee +2.5:</b>" I agreed to meet with her in a neutral area for lunch so I coud make my feelings heard. my children will not be around"</blockquote>
That's a good idea, I was just thinking what if she got upset over something and decided to try to cause trouble, even calling cps again, it will still stir things up at home.
Good luck, I hope it goes well!
<blockquote><b>Quoting Momma Kylee +2.5:</b>" right and I feel the same way however Im constantly angry over all of this and I want my feelings to ... [snip!] ... My sponser told me I need to talk to her. Not to let her back into our lives but to express my feelings on the situation."</blockquote>
Seeing her is in a way letting her back in your life. I would express my feelings in an email and wash my hands of her.
even just talking with her is going to upset my SO really bad but I feel like it needs to be done. Im hurting all the time and Im so angry because of everything thats been said and done and I cant move past it all unless I say something about it. Ugh I feel awful for keeping my kids from her even just for a short visit. what if she has really seen the error of her ways and truly wants to make amends? what if she has saught help in the form of counseling and has changed her life around? Ill never know unless I talk to her. I feel like I cant trust her but then again shes my mother so I feel like I need to try. I dont know what to do Im so torn
Girl I walked away from my crazy mom & sister for less because I knew it could & likely would escalate to something similar to the things you've listed. To the point we've got security cameras surrounding our house recording everything.
You seriously need to move on & not look back! Seems like you did for awhile but now that she is trying to weasel her way back in you're considering it; stand your ground & don't even contact her back. I've learned that to people like that, giving in to contact or trying to work things out makes them feel like they've some how won. Don't give her/them the satisfaction! If you can't do it for yourself, you need to do it for your kids safety!!!
<blockquote><b>Quoting Momma Kylee +2.5:</b>" even just talking with her is going to upset my SO really bad but I feel like it needs to be done. Im ... [snip!] ... her. I feel like I cant trust her but then again shes my mother so I feel like I need to try. I dont know what to do Im so torn"</blockquote>
Her past actions are NOT that of a mothers. Don't be fooled by DNA. And the level of crazy you listed out briefly (as I'm sure there's even more you didn't include) is NOT going to change with any amount of counseling & I say that from experience with my crazy mom & sister. I tried to make amends with them both over the past 5 1/2 years (5 times with my sister & 3 times with my mother) every time they claimed they had been to counseling & every time not a damn thing in their behavior, communication, etc. had changed in comparison to their behavior in the past. Either they were lying (which isn't unlikely considering people on that level of crazy don't want to admit or realize they truly are crazy) or they only went to throw it in my face that they were "trying" & were only ignoring everything the counselor suggested for behavior modification & ways to better communicate...which is exactly what they both did during family counseling while we were growing up!
Don't be fooled! They've had their chances, now you've got your's to live your life in freedom as long as you go or continue no contact.
I know of a good Christian site for dealing with people like them & can PM you the link if you're interested. But basically the advice on the site is to go no contact with people like them, and that the bible mentions (more than once even) not to forgive someone unless they repent & genuinely seek forgiveness, which they are unlikely to do if they haven't done so in the past. Be done with them.