I just found out that I am pregnant. I posted in here about a week ago, about having had a condom break, and then taking the morning after pill. I didnt have my period, and it turns out, I am pregnant.
My boyfriend and I have been together 7 months, but we have been best friends for the past ten years or so. We dont even live together at the moment. We both go to college.I am at a local community college, and he is at a University an hour away. He still lives with his parents. I have two kids already that I share half and half with my ex husband. I currently live with my mom, until November 1st when my boyfriend and I plan on moving in together.
I am so sad. He wants me to have an abortion, but says it is ultimately up to me to decide what to do. I am very against abortion. I cry and cry when I think about having one. However, he is scared. His parents are very catholic and he is worried that his parents are going to disown him if he has a baby with me. His parents already dislike me because I have two kids with someone else.
He is also worried that he will be an awful dad, that he wont connect with the baby and that will make me hate him. We are so distant and weird with each other now. He says that he loves me and does want to lose me. That he wants to be with me no matter what I decide. I really dont want to have an abortion, but I cant bear to be so weird with him.
He is very sensitive and is constantly crying now, which makes me cry. I just dont know what to do. His parents are going to flip shit on him, and I really dont want to him to go though his parents saying nasty stuff about me to him, and upsetting him. They have already done this in the past. I dont want him to lose his parents either. I am just so sad.
Does anyone have any advice? What would you do?
Nobody can make that choice for you hun. I think you two should really sit down and talk about all your choices, and the pros/cons to each of them.
Its hard because when we are together, he is fine. We support each other. But as soon as he goes back home he totally breaks down.
He is a big boy and his parent's opinion shouldn't mean much. If he is going to stay with you regardless, do what you feel is best.
I feel like he needs to stop caring so much about what his parents are going to think and say. If you are against abortion then you would never be able to go through with getting one. Im not sure how you feel about adoption...
He is probably just scared because this is a shock to him. There is no way he will not feel love for his own child. Just stand your ground, I wouldnt let anyone tell you to do something you dont feel comfortable doing.
Quoting JiLLiAN.:" He is a big boy and his parent's opinion shouldn't mean much. If he is going to stay with you regardless, do what you feel is best."
Will it suck for him to lose his parents support? yes. But ultimately that baby only needs you and him. Will it be harder? maybe. But if you're both on the same page you can make it work. The best thing you can do is have a really good talk about it with him and you need to see if he's willing to get over his parent's wrath in order to be with you and work with you on this. I wish you the best of luck, with whatever choice you make. There's no wrong choice, only the best one for you.
if he is good with your kids, which, i'm sure he is otherwise why even bother being with him, then he will be fine with his own child.
well Catholics are totally against birthcontrol and abortion.( atleast that what the preist who married me and my hubby said) so im sure they will have to understand. If you dont feel that abortion is right then dont get one. I think you will find living with the tention and weirdness for a few months easier than regret from an abortion..
Quoting JiLLiAN.:" if he is good with your kids, which, i'm sure he is otherwise why even bother being with him, then he will be fine with his own child."
He is good with my kids. He has never lived full time with them though. He comes to see me on Sunday, So im just going to have to sit down and talk with him. I for one dont care what anyone says. I know Im going to get a lot of crap from everyone, but Im strong like that. He is shy and is not used to it all. I just feel really bad for him.
Quoting Sarah.Ashley:" I feel like he needs to stop caring so much about what his parents are going to think and say. If you ... [snip!] ... love for his own child. Just stand your ground, I wouldnt let anyone tell you to do something you dont feel comfortable doing."
I agree with this.
Yeah, we discussed it a bit more today. We are going to have a long talk on Sunday.
You need to do what is best for you and your kids that you have. Not him or his family. Good luck mama.
<blockquote><b>Quoting Yurvon [♥]:</b>" You need to do what is best for you and your kids that you have. Not him or his family. Good luck mama. "</blockquote>
I agree with this. But being a couple is about doing whats best as a family. This would be his baby too, not just mine.
if you have any doubts, dont do it, trust me,
abortion is NOT easy and really should not even been considered an alternative unless its an extreme situation, may be easy for your SO to tell you to have one,
thats because hes not going to have to be the one to go through the things you will if you have an abortion....i just wish i had someone tell me if i had doubts dont do it,
its the one thing i would undo if i could!
Honestly this is how i see things..
Yes his parents may be catholic & yes, they may be angry/disappointed once they find out he has the possibility of becoming a father because you are pregnant ... BUT
They don't believe in pre-martial sex, they don't believe in using condoms/birth control etc (unless you're gay :roll:.. a whole other topic LOL) and they don't believe in abortion.
He needs to forget about what his parents may think/feel/say.. ultimately its their grandchild & regardless they will love that little baby the minute they set eyes upon it.
If you feel you can't go through with the abortion then don't force yourself to do it. He has already said he'd stand by you & support your decision either way.
I've seen so many of my friends regret their decision & its seriously torn me to shreds to see the change in their happy personalities etc.
You already have 2 children & he is happy to date/be with you now, how does adding another child.. his chid to the mix/dynamics change things?
Surely he won't love you any less for bringing his child into the world if he already accepts you as a mother.
Don't let others opinions change your personal beliefs.
If you choose abortion then be 110% at peace with your decision.. doubt means don't.