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-♥- ma ♥ 1 child; California 63053 posts
12th Sep '12
Michael Myers 2 kids; Slaughter, Louisiana 3408 posts
12th Sep '12

Aw I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.:(

One_Hott_Momma 2 kids; Michigan 779 posts
12th Sep '12

The only advice I have is to not let his father come in and out of his life. If he wants to come back into his life make sure he knows and agrees that it is for good and not when he finds it convienient. Also, never talk shit about his father, I don't have a son but my sister does and his father isn't around and even though he isn't around he idolizes his father. And, tell him the truth, or as much as he can handle at his age. What you are doing is good. Does he have a male influence in his life? It can be heartbreaking but just be the best mom you can be! Good luck momma :)

Mum to a Monster TTC since Jan 2014; 1 child; 5 angel babies; Colorado 11565 posts
12th Sep '12

I tell him that when mommy found out she was having him she was excited and daddy wasn't as ready. But don't worry mommy has so much love for her little man that it is enough for a mommy and a daddy. That he is an incredible little man and it's daddy's loss that he doesn't get to see him grow up.

Michael Myers 2 kids; Slaughter, Louisiana 3408 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting Mum to a Monster:" I tell him that when mommy found out she was having him she was excited and daddy wasn't as ready. But ... [snip!] ... for a mommy and a daddy. That he is and incredible little man and it's daddy's loss that he doesn't get to see him grow up."


:( That sounded perfect.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting Mum to a Monster:" I tell him that when mommy found out she was having him she was excited and daddy wasn't as ready. But ... [snip!] ... for a mommy and a daddy. That he is an incredible little man and it's daddy's loss that he doesn't get to see him grow up."


WTF!?!?!? Why on earth should she say something so horrible to a child!?!?!?!

Love my 3 kids Due July 27; Ohio 812 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting Mum to a Monster:" I tell him that when mommy found out she was having him she was excited and daddy wasn't as ready. But ... [snip!] ... for a mommy and a daddy. That he is an incredible little man and it's daddy's loss that he doesn't get to see him grow up."


Sounds perfect!

Mum to a Monster TTC since Jan 2014; 1 child; 5 angel babies; Colorado 11565 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting Michael Myers:" :( That sounded perfect."


My son is almost 4 and that has been the answer I have given anytime it was asked, and a few of my friends parrot it to their kids.

ma ♥ 1 child; California 63053 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting One_Hott_Momma:" The only advice I have is to not let his father come in and out of his life. If he wants to come back ... [snip!] ... Does he have a male influence in his life? It can be heartbreaking but just be the best mom you can be! Good luck momma :)"


He's not interested in being a father, & even if some day he decides he DOES want to be a father, I will not allow it. Because my child needs stability. & I also never talk bad about his father.. I never talk about his father AT ALL. I've never said anything to him about his dad until this evening when he kept mentioning him.
He doesn't really have anybody in everyday life that's a male influence.. He goes to preschool/daycare all day, & once in a while we'll hangout with my older brother, but not often. An old friend (ex bf, long story) of mine lives out of state & he's talked to Cadyn on the phone before & Cadyn loves it. But other then that, not really....

ma ♥ 1 child; California 63053 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting Mum to a Monster:" I tell him that when mommy found out she was having him she was excited and daddy wasn't as ready. But ... [snip!] ... for a mommy and a daddy. That he is an incredible little man and it's daddy's loss that he doesn't get to see him grow up."


That all sounds good, but like too much for a 3yr old to understand. I wish I could just avoid the conversation forever :( But I know that isn't right..

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55982 posts
12th Sep '12

OP~ it is the age where he sees other kids having their fathers ect... Perhaps you need to have a talk with his father. I don't agree with stopping the visitations because he is in and out. I fully support you calling the shots and making sure that your child doesn't have hurt feelings from empty promises. I wouldn't tell your son when daddy is coming for a visit until he shows up. This way you don't have to explain why he didn't.



My suggestion is a trip to the courthouse with a meadiator to arrange a solid custody plan. This way you can see just how involved he will be if at all.

Mum to a Monster TTC since Jan 2014; 1 child; 5 angel babies; Colorado 11565 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting Not tellin:" WTF!?!?!? Why on earth should she say something so horrible to a child!?!?!?! "


That isn't horrible. That is nice and happy and light-hearted compared to the reality.

blah 17 kids; Alabama 7639 posts
12th Sep '12

Damn I am.going to cry when my daughter asks me this. I still don't know what to say :( you should never have to find a nice way to tell a child their parent doesn't love them.

ma ♥ 1 child; California 63053 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting Not tellin:" OP~ it is the age where he sees other kids having their fathers ect... Perhaps you need to have a talk ... [snip!] ... the courthouse with a meadiator to arrange a solid custody plan. This way you can see just how involved he will be if at all. "


Stopping what visitations? He doesn't, & never has, had any visitation or any rights at all TBH... He has only seen our son a handful of times & the last time was may 2011. I haven't even talked to him since then. He's not interested in being a father..

ma ♥ 1 child; California 63053 posts
12th Sep '12
Quoting momma melissa85:" Damn I am.going to cry when my daughter asks me this. I still don't know what to say :( you should never have to find a nice way to tell a child their parent doesn't love them."


It's terrible. I knew it'd be a hard conversation but I wasn't prepared for how hard it is. I'm seriously heartbroken right now. ugh.
:(