Reply
Derp Due January 10; 1 child; Camp Lejeune, NC, United States 11596 posts
20th Sep '12

Think of it like this: How would YOU feel if you were in her shoes? Would you be bothered by another woman meeting up with your husband at restaurants, play dates, etc.? Even though she cheated doesn't mean she can't be upset about someone seeing her husband and it certainly doesn't mean she doesn't care at all. Yeah, it's tempting to say "f**k her" considering what she's done but that is selfish child's play and nothing more.



Your friend does not have morals as good as yours, plain and simple. You are totally right to keep a distance. They are still married and it's quite obvious he has an interest in you. Seeing him would only further complicate his relationship and right now he needs to be focusing on that. If he needs someone to talk to it needs to be a therapist or a male friend and not some female he used to know way back when. Why? Because it gets complicated no matter how you slice it. Yeah., it's sexist to say he can hang out with men and not women but once again this goes back to whether or not you would appreciate your own man finding solace in some woman, especially with your own children around. (Which brings me to one more point: I would be livid if my husband had the gall to bring our children around another woman on a regular basis when we're still married.)



Edit: Damn, maybe I'm just super conservative. IDK. I'm probably one of the most laid back women when it comes to my husband talking to other females but given the situation and the fact that he's clearly interested in his old friend it would upset me that he would be spending time with another woman instead of working on our marriage which should always come first. It doesn't mean he can't have friends but I find it inappropriate that he's badgering OP continually to hang out. She just gave 'x' number of times he has already contacted her and to me that indicates he has an interest in more than a friendship. He more than likely wants to find comfort in someone or even get back at his wife. He's emotionally vulnerable right now and the last thing he or his marriage needs is to be complicated by bringing in a third party... especially with children involved.

blah 17 kids; Alabama 7639 posts
20th Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting A.Ramirez's Mommy:</b>" Definitely do not want more then friendship with him at all. He knows this as well."</blockquote>




Then it wouldn't be so bad to go out as friends and/or let the kids play

.:Mary:. 2 kids; Fort Dick, California 15203 posts
20th Sep '12

I say go if you want, but set YOUR boundaries. If you don't feel up to it don't feel bad. If it were me I'd probably go and see how it goes.

Debbie_Frutos Due September 27 (girl); 1 child; Spartanburg, South Carolina 1143 posts
20th Sep '12
Quoting Rydicule91:" Do what YOU'RE comfortable with. If you want the marriage completely, legally over before you hang out ... [snip!] ... anything about me or that me and her soon to be ex are hanging out, you never know who's watching or talking shit, ya know?"

Yea I understand this completely.

nothingness Arizona 3578 posts
20th Sep '12
Quoting A.Ramirez's Mommy:" Yea I understand this completely."


But it's not a bad idea since you two have been friends for so long. It could really go either way and you're in no way wrong to do either one. Hang out or wait or not. Hope no drama busts out!!

Debbie_Frutos Due September 27 (girl); 1 child; Spartanburg, South Carolina 1143 posts
20th Sep '12
Quoting Rydicule91:" But it's not a bad idea since you two have been friends for so long. It could really go either way and you're in no way wrong to do either one. Hang out or wait or not. Hope no drama busts out!! "


me too.



I think this is why I want to keep it as him and i meeting up somewhere public so the kids can play..

Derp Due January 10; 1 child; Camp Lejeune, NC, United States 11596 posts
20th Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" They just want to be friends... she made that clear. If the wife is jealous of him hanging out with a female friend, sorry to say but screw her! "

I have no doubt OP wants to be friends but let's get real.... This is an emotionally unstable man who has been through the ringer and he has asked OP over and over and over again to hang out. If he really wanted nothing more than a friendship he would've let it go after the first "no" or at least waited a while to ask again. Instead he's pestering OP continually and (to me) that implies he's interested in something more than friendship. Just because it's in a public place doesn't make it any more emotionally safe either.



Honestly, if this were me and I wasn't interested in the guy I don't see any reason to jump into the drama and complicate things further. No matter how hard you try situations like this ALWAYS get messy and I would rather not be around when the wife wants to come back and work things out. As long as he's married you wouldn't catch me hanging out with him but once again maybe I'm just ultra conservative like that. (Oh wow, I just called myself "conservative," lol.) :lol:

dream 2 kids; Linz, Ob, Austria 59797 posts
20th Sep '12

I think if it's in a public place and meant as a "play date" for the kids, then there is nothing wrong with it. At this point, I wouldn't go to the movies with him yet, as that can be looked at as more of a "personal date". You gotta do whatever YOU are comfortable with though.



If his marriage is completely over and he has at least signed divorce papers or they are legally separated, then I would consider him more as a single dad, but as long as he is still legally married to and living with his wife, then I would still treat the situation as if he were married .. to avoid the potential drama it could cause, which you referenced.

Debbie_Frutos Due September 27 (girl); 1 child; Spartanburg, South Carolina 1143 posts
20th Sep '12
Quoting dream:" I think if it's in a public place and meant as a "play date" for the kids, then there is nothing wrong ... [snip!] ... I would still treat the situation as if he were married .. to avoid the potential drama it could cause, which you referenced."


I am not sure when they separated exactly I do know that he is/was staying with a friend. Till he could find somewhere to rent.



He posted a status earlier about the greatest gift a guy wants from a girl is her heart and I seen that his wife posted on it saying something like I have a gift for you. and he was like you and I both know that gift is given away. She didn't say anything. She later removed her comment.



Maybe I will just call him tomorrow and explain it all and talk to him and see what he says about it.



I just know hes at the point where he don't care what she sees or knows. He made a joke about something my friend said and posting it on FB so her DH *his friend* would get mad. I said You will just make "J" mad and he was like i don't care what she sees she has no business in my business.

3plus1 Due October 20 (boy); 3 kids; Suisun City, California 255 posts
20th Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting A.Ramirez's Mommy:</b>" Definitely do not want more then friendship with him at all. He knows this as well."</blockquote>



Its nothing wrong with that i feel you on the drama part though just stand your grounds.. as long as he knows you dont want nOthn more then its good he nds a friend and im pretty sure you miss your friend but at the sametime he probally had you at a distance when he was with her because he might be feeling some type of way about you..but let the kids hve some fun catCh up with your friend and enjoy life<3

Debbie_Frutos Due September 27 (girl); 1 child; Spartanburg, South Carolina 1143 posts
20th Sep '12
Quoting 3plus1:" <blockquote><b>Quoting A.Ramirez's Mommy:</b>" Definitely do not want more then friendship ... [snip!] ... he might be feeling some type of way about you..but let the kids hve some fun catCh up with your friend and enjoy life<3"


Its not so much me he kept his distance from it was everyone.. If his cousins was single he didn't hang out with them much. It was always about her to him and he was with her like 80% of the time.. He don't even know where half of his cousins are now because he didn't hang out with single guys so there wasn't issues with his marriage.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
20th Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" hahaha this statement shocked me! :D:D I've never really seen this side of you, I don't think. To ... [snip!] ... think. To me... even if they are still "married" on paper but separated, he is fair game... but no everyone feels that way! "</blockquote>




Agree with you here! When it's over it's over, a piece of paper doesn't mean shit. I also got pregnant with my son while still married but separated from my ex. As soon as the divorce was final I married DH! If they are truly separated who cares?

Debbie_Frutos Due September 27 (girl); 1 child; Spartanburg, South Carolina 1143 posts
28th Sep '12

update:



We didn't make it to Mr Gattis that day because I fell asleep when I got home. However, after I picked my brothers girlfriend up from work I went a friends house to see if she could go eat with me her boyfriend said she couldn't I was also texting with him and he was like well me and the kids can meet you somewhere cause we haven't ate either and so we did. We talked about everything pretty much. I think its a start of a great friendship.



The next day he took his son to my job *mcdonalds* to play and everyone swore there was more to the friendship and he even told my manager who asked if he wanted "Friends with benefits with me" he replied Nooooo and she said ugh why he said its just us being friends if more comes of it later then so be it but we are only friends.



I think there has only been one day since I haven't seen him well today as well but him and my brother was trying to hang out earlier.



So, nothing harmful as suspected by most of these lovely mommas.

dream 2 kids; Linz, Ob, Austria 59797 posts
29th Sep '12
Quoting A.Ramirez's Mommy:" update: We didn't make it to Mr Gattis that day because I fell asleep when I got home. However, after ... [snip!] ... well but him and my brother was trying to hang out earlier. So, nothing harmful as suspected by most of these lovely mommas. "


glad it's working out nicely. =D
at the very least, I hope you are able to have a nice friendship from it.

Debbie_Frutos Due September 27 (girl); 1 child; Spartanburg, South Carolina 1143 posts
1st Oct '12
Quoting dream:" glad it's working out nicely. =D at the very least, I hope you are able to have a nice friendship from it."


Thanks mama :)