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user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" Well, that's something they'll have to discuss ... [snip!] ... and if the one watching refused I would assume that then yes divorce would likely happen..more so because trust was broken"


So is he refusing to stop? I don't think I'm understand the whole situation. What I'm gathering is it was a no no pre marriage, and now he's starting to watch it, but you have a problem with it? What did he say when you asked him to quit post marriage?

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18864 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" You have every right to demand something because you are his wife?? :? "</blockquote>




Absolutely..I demand trust honesty loyalty faithfulness for him to be a good father and husband..as he expects from me the same thing..why shouldn't I have expectations on my spouse.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" I love porn, SO knows that and doesn't ... [snip!] ... or good looking, and a completely different story if he fantasizes Abbott another person. Out vise versa if I did so."


Does that go the other way too then? Is he allowed to tell you what to watch and what not to watch?



If he doesn't like Magic Mike, he can forbid you watch it? If he doesn't feel you need to see the lusty site of your favorite actor, he can tell you you can't watch it?



I don't agree that being married makes you in charge of your spouse. I think it's fine if you come to a mutual agreement, but being his wife I think gives a woman no right to "tell him" not to watch it. He is not a child, he is an adult who a mind of his own. Things should be mutual.

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" I love porn, SO knows that and doesn't ... [snip!] ... or good looking, and a completely different story if he fantasizes Abbott another person. Out vise versa if I did so."</blockquote>




I don't agree with that, you are equal in marriage and you can talk about it but to demand your husband not do something is just over board IMO, it's like you're trying to run a part of his life. Of course if it was talked about and agreed upon then you have a right to be mad but at the same time he's a grown man and can make his own choices.

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" Exactly.... and not just demanding about not watching porn, but demanding almost anything. I don't ... [snip!] ... woman came on here and said her husband demanded that she stop reading Nicholas Sparks books everyone would call him abusive. "


Her husband might demand she not read the Fifty Shades (not that it was that good, anyway)!

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Katie. [♥]:" Meh, If a man has to look at porn not to cheat I wouldn't want him anyways IMO."


I don't have a very high sex drive, and if I am with someone with a high sex drive, I would want to make sure that they have an outlet (besides me) for their sexual energy.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18864 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" So is he refusing to stop? I don't think I'm understand the whole situation. What I'm gathering is it ... [snip!] ... and now he's starting to watch it, but you have a problem with it? What did he say when you asked him to quit post marriage?"</blockquote>



Lol no my hubby doesn't watch porn and doesn't want to it was something we aged upon before marriage...i don't have any issues with him i'm saying it makes me mad when ppl say that he does it behind my Back because ALL guys do it.

homes cool 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60938 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" Exactly.... and not just demanding about not watching porn, but demanding almost anything. I don't ... [snip!] ... woman came on here and said her husband demanded that she stop reading Nicholas Sparks books everyone would call him abusive. "


Certainly.



I did try to help my husband through it, but to demand...it wasn't going to work. I had to love him every step of the way, or else he'd slip up & then hide it from me...driving a wedge between us even farther. We actually kept a notebook by the computer. We both had access to it. I'd write encouraging notes in it, and he's jot down when he was tempted, when he gave in, when he overcame it, etc. I had full access. No nagging, no checking up, just encouragement. It worked very well for us.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Katie. [♥]:" I'm just glad myself and DH have the same views on it :D Makes it that much easier lol."


See, I think THAT is good. If you both agree, great!! I think it's fantastic.



I only have issue when one is forcing their beliefs on their partner. It isn't okay when a man does it to a woman (You can't wear that! Other men will look at you, and you're MY wife, so I don't agree with that!), and I find it no more right when a woman does it to a man over porn. . .



I'm okay with having a serious, adult conversation about each persons feelings and coming to an understanding. But if it's a dealbreaker, it should be stated right from the start really. MOST men do watch porn, so even if you've (not YOU, general you) have never caught your man watching porn, don't assume he doesn't. It's a safer bet to have the conversation and find out.



No matter what, people need to be on the same page. I think MOST couples would be happier if they did that lol

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" Exactly.... and not just demanding about not watching porn, but demanding almost anything. I don't ... [snip!] ... woman came on here and said her husband demanded that she stop reading Nicholas Sparks books everyone would call him abusive. "

I see this a lot on here...it's all about the woman's side and it (porn in this case) being wrong. Forget the husband, what he thinks/wants, or the fact that he enjoys it. I understand that if it's an addiction, it's a problem. But if it's for the pure simple enjoyment of it and you as a wife are DEMANDING he stop without caring about the other side of this, then there are bigger problems that need to be worked on. I don't think there's any room for demands in a marriage, it should be a want/personal will to do or change something.

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" So is he refusing to stop? I don't think ... [snip!] ... don't have any issues with him i'm saying it makes me mad when ppl say that he does it behind my Back because ALL guys do it."


I don't know many that don't. But if you know he doesn't then that's all that matters. All the men I know who's wife forbids it, watches it when she isn't around.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18864 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" If you demand he not watch... It's only going to make him want to more. If something is taboo, it's more desirable."</blockquote>




We both demand it of each other..he doesn't want it in the house any more than I do..demanding it of each other has not made it taboo for us

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" You have every right to demand something ... [snip!] ... for him to be a good father and husband..as he expects from me the same thing..why shouldn't I have expectations on my spouse."</blockquote>



Expectations and demanding something are two very different things.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" You have every right to demand something ... [snip!] ... for him to be a good father and husband..as he expects from me the same thing..why shouldn't I have expectations on my spouse."


Expectations are not demands.



How far do you believe your ability to demand goes? How far does his? Apparently it encompasses what you're allowed to watch/be exposed to. Does it go to who you can be friends with? What you can wear? What you can say?



See, when you start believing it is your "right" to demand, then you step onto a slippery slope. There is a difference between having expectation (especially if already agreed upon) and believing you can simply demand certain actions or inactions from your partner, that be sheer presence of a marriage license you have that power.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18864 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Does that go the other way too then? Is he allowed to tell you what to watch and what not to watch? ... [snip!] ... woman no right to "tell him" not to watch it. He is not a child, he is an adult who a mind of his own. Things should be mutual."</blockquote>



Yes it does if he wanted me to stop doing something and had a valid reason for it then I would do so because I respect him as my spouse and feel that if I am doing something that makes him unhappy or uncomfortable then why do it? Nothing in this world means more to me than my family so if not doing something makes us happier then I have no problem not doing it..no if he were to say..you can't eat preaches anymore and had no valid reason as to why just because he said so then of course not.