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Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12152 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" Well, that's something they'll have to discuss after the fact then. My fiance & I both watch it. ... [snip!] ... "reasons for divorce" that also should be discussed? Or was it just him saying "no, I won't watch it anymore" kind of deals?"</blockquote>




Yeah actually e did even though we were already pretty sure where each of us stood on it...if one of us did start to watch it it wouldn't be automatic grounds for divorce however e would want it stopped and if the one watching refused I would assume that then yes divorce would likely happen..more so because trust was broken

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12

I think there are a lot of different point here.



Yes, when two people decide that morally, they don't want porn in a house, fine. Usually however it's women bitching because they're upset and don't feel good enough for their husband who they caught watching porn. THAT is insecurity. That isn't a moral objection, it's a woman who is controlling and insecure and jealous. "I feel like he wants me to look like her." Thats the statement if insecurity.



So while that isn't ALL women, it's a lot of the women who complain.



Also, I think often the "agreements" are a joke. On both sides. It's a woman telling the man not to do it, and a man who has been taught that porn is bad agrees and then hides it. There is no real agreement there. If it's truly a moral objection then both sides should REALLY agree to it, not just have the woman pissed enough that the man placates her.



I think THAT is usually the problem. The women often don't care what the man wants or thinks, she just gets mad. I think if you dislike porn and refuse to have it in your house, you need to make that 100% clear from day one and find a man who feels the same. The problem comes into play when you try to change someone who does not feel it is wrong.

Emily Thorne 2 kids; Quetzaltenango, Guatemala 26302 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting S.W.A.G.:" The thing about demanding, is that I think it causes a parent/child relationship. The wife is checking ... [snip!] ... That, in my experience, is the only way to really overcome that entire issue. It can't be some power struggle, everyone loses. "



Exactly.... and not just demanding about not watching porn, but demanding almost anything. I don't understand how people feel they have the right to do that.



If a woman came on here and said her husband demanded that she stop reading Nicholas Sparks books everyone would call him abusive.

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting ♡Sarah♡ + 2:" I think thats sad that people have that mentality."


No, it isn't, especially if the couple's sex life has dried up.

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" Well, that's something they'll have to discuss ... [snip!] ... and if the one watching refused I would assume that then yes divorce would likely happen..more so because trust was broken"


So is he refusing to stop? I don't think I'm understand the whole situation. What I'm gathering is it was a no no pre marriage, and now he's starting to watch it, but you have a problem with it? What did he say when you asked him to quit post marriage?

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12152 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" You have every right to demand something because you are his wife?? :? "</blockquote>




Absolutely..I demand trust honesty loyalty faithfulness for him to be a good father and husband..as he expects from me the same thing..why shouldn't I have expectations on my spouse.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" I love porn, SO knows that and doesn't ... [snip!] ... or good looking, and a completely different story if he fantasizes Abbott another person. Out vise versa if I did so."


Does that go the other way too then? Is he allowed to tell you what to watch and what not to watch?



If he doesn't like Magic Mike, he can forbid you watch it? If he doesn't feel you need to see the lusty site of your favorite actor, he can tell you you can't watch it?



I don't agree that being married makes you in charge of your spouse. I think it's fine if you come to a mutual agreement, but being his wife I think gives a woman no right to "tell him" not to watch it. He is not a child, he is an adult who a mind of his own. Things should be mutual.

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" I love porn, SO knows that and doesn't ... [snip!] ... or good looking, and a completely different story if he fantasizes Abbott another person. Out vise versa if I did so."</blockquote>




I don't agree with that, you are equal in marriage and you can talk about it but to demand your husband not do something is just over board IMO, it's like you're trying to run a part of his life. Of course if it was talked about and agreed upon then you have a right to be mad but at the same time he's a grown man and can make his own choices.

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" Exactly.... and not just demanding about not watching porn, but demanding almost anything. I don't ... [snip!] ... woman came on here and said her husband demanded that she stop reading Nicholas Sparks books everyone would call him abusive. "


Her husband might demand she not read the Fifty Shades (not that it was that good, anyway)!

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Katie. [♥]:" Meh, If a man has to look at porn not to cheat I wouldn't want him anyways IMO."


I don't have a very high sex drive, and if I am with someone with a high sex drive, I would want to make sure that they have an outlet (besides me) for their sexual energy.

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12152 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" So is he refusing to stop? I don't think I'm understand the whole situation. What I'm gathering is it ... [snip!] ... and now he's starting to watch it, but you have a problem with it? What did he say when you asked him to quit post marriage?"</blockquote>



Lol no my hubby doesn't watch porn and doesn't want to it was something we aged upon before marriage...i don't have any issues with him i'm saying it makes me mad when ppl say that he does it behind my Back because ALL guys do it.

homes cool 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60891 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" Exactly.... and not just demanding about not watching porn, but demanding almost anything. I don't ... [snip!] ... woman came on here and said her husband demanded that she stop reading Nicholas Sparks books everyone would call him abusive. "


Certainly.



I did try to help my husband through it, but to demand...it wasn't going to work. I had to love him every step of the way, or else he'd slip up & then hide it from me...driving a wedge between us even farther. We actually kept a notebook by the computer. We both had access to it. I'd write encouraging notes in it, and he's jot down when he was tempted, when he gave in, when he overcame it, etc. I had full access. No nagging, no checking up, just encouragement. It worked very well for us.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Katie. [♥]:" I'm just glad myself and DH have the same views on it :D Makes it that much easier lol."


See, I think THAT is good. If you both agree, great!! I think it's fantastic.



I only have issue when one is forcing their beliefs on their partner. It isn't okay when a man does it to a woman (You can't wear that! Other men will look at you, and you're MY wife, so I don't agree with that!), and I find it no more right when a woman does it to a man over porn. . .



I'm okay with having a serious, adult conversation about each persons feelings and coming to an understanding. But if it's a dealbreaker, it should be stated right from the start really. MOST men do watch porn, so even if you've (not YOU, general you) have never caught your man watching porn, don't assume he doesn't. It's a safer bet to have the conversation and find out.



No matter what, people need to be on the same page. I think MOST couples would be happier if they did that lol

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" Exactly.... and not just demanding about not watching porn, but demanding almost anything. I don't ... [snip!] ... woman came on here and said her husband demanded that she stop reading Nicholas Sparks books everyone would call him abusive. "

I see this a lot on here...it's all about the woman's side and it (porn in this case) being wrong. Forget the husband, what he thinks/wants, or the fact that he enjoys it. I understand that if it's an addiction, it's a problem. But if it's for the pure simple enjoyment of it and you as a wife are DEMANDING he stop without caring about the other side of this, then there are bigger problems that need to be worked on. I don't think there's any room for demands in a marriage, it should be a want/personal will to do or change something.

Emily Thorne 2 kids; Quetzaltenango, Guatemala 26302 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Back to Noob Status:" I don't have a very high sex drive, and if I am with someone with a high sex drive, I would want to make sure that they have an outlet (besides me) for their sexual energy. "


:!:



Sometimes porn helps me get in the mood. I'm a visual person, like most men are... SO is ALWAYS ready to go... Porn helps our relationship cause I can just watch it for a little while and get all hot for SO...