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Isaiah & Delilah's Mama 2 kids; Georgia 8616 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" I don't have a very high sex drive, and if I am with someone with a high sex drive, I would want to make sure that they have an outlet (besides me) for their sexual energy. "</blockquote>




I don't mind having a sexual outlet. I just wouldn't want to be with someone who would cheat if they wasn't watching porn. It's hard to explain what I'm trying to say lol

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" SO doesn't :( He really doesn't like it. But he would never demand that I not watch it. "


See, and that's the thing.



If a person doesn't like porn, they should FIND someone who also does not like porn, and both, together, agree to no porn. Why women insist on finding men they think they can fix and change I will never understand. Women find out about the porn (and usually it's a safe bet that the man watched porn. Not all men do, but enough to generally think he probably does if you don't know), and then they demand they stop.



um. . . what?



That's like demanding a man give up alcohol after you get married. If you want a man who doesn't drink, then PICK a man who doesn't drink. Don't assume to change a man into what you want.



They are men, not projects.

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" SO doesn't :( He really doesn't like it. But he would never demand that I not watch it. "


What?? The only time SO watches is when we're laughing at it with a group of friends, but he's still watching it. Since we're both adults, I don't think we have the right to demand things of each other.

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 61358 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Does that go the other way too then? Is ... [snip!] ... if he were to say..you can't eat preaches anymore and had no valid reason as to why just because he said so then of course not."


I guess the thing is, it's not always that easy. DH hates porn, but he fell into it, after we agreed not to have it be a part of our marriage. The harsh demands of "Do not do it, or else..." just don't always work.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Does that go the other way too then? Is ... [snip!] ... if he were to say..you can't eat preaches anymore and had no valid reason as to why just because he said so then of course not."


The problem is, what it a valid reason?



"You can't talk to that man because he's better looking then me, and it makes me jealous." Is that okay? If so, because you want your husband happy, how long until that can go into you can't speak to ANY men?



You can't watch porn. Soon that turns into you can't watch movies that have any nudity. Next nothing with sensual scenes, or books with love scenes. Why? Because it makes HIM uncomfortable.



See the problem? That puts a single persons wants and needs above their partners. It means that the partner is the one whose feelings matter. Instead why not sit down and address the issue. Come to a compromise and figure out what to do instead of "he doesn't want me to and I love him so I wont."



Also, demands on their own don't require reasons. A demand is a demand. Now you say you'd want to talk about it and find a reason, but then you don't just accept demands.

Isaiah & Delilah's Mama 2 kids; Georgia 8616 posts
22nd Sep '12

I wouldn't mind DH watching porn if he wanted to. However we both are uncomfortable with it. I don't think either one should "DEMAND" the other to do or not to do stuff. That's not how a marriage or relationship period should be IMO . I do hate when people say ALL men watch porn. They truly don't. I think it should be a mutual agreement.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18995 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Expectations are not demands. How far do you believe your ability to demand goes? How far does his? ... [snip!] ... simply demand certain actions or inactions from your partner, that be sheer presence of a marriage license you have that power."</blockquote>




Out marriage goes and means far more than the license it was printed on..me and my hubby disagree..I just asked him again if he felt e had the right to demand certain things from each other and he said yes if it comes to the health and safety of out family..and I agree with him.

Isaiah & Delilah's Mama 2 kids; Georgia 8616 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" If you demand he not watch... It's only ... [snip!] ... it of each other..he doesn't want it in the house any more than I do..demanding it of each other has not made it taboo for us"</blockquote>



If neither of you want it I wouldn't consider it demanding. That a mutual agreement IMO

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Katie. [♥]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" I don't have a very high sex drive, ... [snip!] ... wouldn't want to be with someone who would cheat if they wasn't watching porn. It's hard to explain what I'm trying to say lol"


No! I totally understand what you are saying, and I don't think I could be with someone who NEEDED porno or sex, but...I'm not against it. I'd feel bad about forbidding him to not watch porn when I have such a low sex drive. :(

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" SO is a paramedic and firefighter, the guys watch it at the station sometimes and I know he is in the ... [snip!] ... watch better porn but it doesn't work! lmao We are going to have to make a video for him to enjoy watching it i think! lmao"


SOs a deputy sheriff, so I know it's been on at their station sometimes, too. We made videos before, on my phone, and then it had problems & I had to return it to the store... And I forgot to delete them. Now we only use the camera! When we watch it's always like "how does she get her leg there?" or "why is he making that horrible face"?

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18995 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" See, and that's the thing. If a person doesn't like porn, they should FIND someone who also does not ... [snip!] ... doesn't drink, then PICK a man who doesn't drink. Don't assume to change a man into what you want. They are men, not projects."</blockquote>



I agree with this that is why I stressed it needs to be something you agree upon before you commit to each other

Isaiah & Delilah's Mama 2 kids; Georgia 8616 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" No! I totally understand what you are saying, and I don't think I could be with someone who NEEDED porno ... [snip!] ... or sex, but...I'm not against it. I'd feel bad about forbidding him to not watch porn when I have such a low sex drive. :("</blockquote>



Yeah I agree. As long as he didn't NEED it to be faithful.

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" LMAO at the porn phone and returning it!! Yeah, if SO walks in when I'm watching porn he laughs and ... [snip!] ... can you watch that.... OMG that's so fake! .... He looks like a perv! .... omg she isn't hot at all!" He is a kill joy! :( "


It was embarrassing. I asked if they watch the videos & he said they didn't, but the look on his face was telling me he'd seen me & my SO naked. Tell him to let you have your fun! lol

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" oh he does... he knows if I watch porn he is going to have fun too :D:D I don't masturbate to it unless SO isn't home... I just use it to help me get turned on sometimes. I'm a visual person. "


I'm easy. It doesn't take much to turn me on.. SO can say go get naked, and I'm ready.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18995 posts
22nd Sep '12

Here is am example of things we demand from each other...no abuse, respect for each others feelings, no cheating, no drugs that sort of thing, things that would harm out family