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user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" So is he refusing to stop? I don't think ... [snip!] ... don't have any issues with him i'm saying it makes me mad when ppl say that he does it behind my Back because ALL guys do it."


I don't know many that don't. But if you know he doesn't then that's all that matters. All the men I know who's wife forbids it, watches it when she isn't around.

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12134 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Twin's Mommy:</b>" If you demand he not watch... It's only going to make him want to more. If something is taboo, it's more desirable."</blockquote>




We both demand it of each other..he doesn't want it in the house any more than I do..demanding it of each other has not made it taboo for us

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" You have every right to demand something ... [snip!] ... for him to be a good father and husband..as he expects from me the same thing..why shouldn't I have expectations on my spouse."</blockquote>



Expectations and demanding something are two very different things.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:</b>" You have every right to demand something ... [snip!] ... for him to be a good father and husband..as he expects from me the same thing..why shouldn't I have expectations on my spouse."


Expectations are not demands.



How far do you believe your ability to demand goes? How far does his? Apparently it encompasses what you're allowed to watch/be exposed to. Does it go to who you can be friends with? What you can wear? What you can say?



See, when you start believing it is your "right" to demand, then you step onto a slippery slope. There is a difference between having expectation (especially if already agreed upon) and believing you can simply demand certain actions or inactions from your partner, that be sheer presence of a marriage license you have that power.

Emily Thorne 2 kids; Quetzaltenango, Guatemala 26302 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Twin's Mommy:" I don't know many that don't. But if you know he doesn't then that's all that matters. All the men I know who's wife forbids it, watches it when she isn't around."


SO doesn't :( He really doesn't like it. But he would never demand that I not watch it.

Emily Thorne 2 kids; Quetzaltenango, Guatemala 26302 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting she nan igans:" Expectations are not demands. How far do you believe your ability to demand goes? How far does his? ... [snip!] ... simply demand certain actions or inactions from your partner, that be sheer presence of a marriage license you have that power."


:!:

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12134 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Does that go the other way too then? Is he allowed to tell you what to watch and what not to watch? ... [snip!] ... woman no right to "tell him" not to watch it. He is not a child, he is an adult who a mind of his own. Things should be mutual."</blockquote>



Yes it does if he wanted me to stop doing something and had a valid reason for it then I would do so because I respect him as my spouse and feel that if I am doing something that makes him unhappy or uncomfortable then why do it? Nothing in this world means more to me than my family so if not doing something makes us happier then I have no problem not doing it..no if he were to say..you can't eat preaches anymore and had no valid reason as to why just because he said so then of course not.

Isaiah & Delilah's Mama 2 kids; Georgia 8616 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" I don't have a very high sex drive, and if I am with someone with a high sex drive, I would want to make sure that they have an outlet (besides me) for their sexual energy. "</blockquote>




I don't mind having a sexual outlet. I just wouldn't want to be with someone who would cheat if they wasn't watching porn. It's hard to explain what I'm trying to say lol

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" SO doesn't :( He really doesn't like it. But he would never demand that I not watch it. "


See, and that's the thing.



If a person doesn't like porn, they should FIND someone who also does not like porn, and both, together, agree to no porn. Why women insist on finding men they think they can fix and change I will never understand. Women find out about the porn (and usually it's a safe bet that the man watched porn. Not all men do, but enough to generally think he probably does if you don't know), and then they demand they stop.



um. . . what?



That's like demanding a man give up alcohol after you get married. If you want a man who doesn't drink, then PICK a man who doesn't drink. Don't assume to change a man into what you want.



They are men, not projects.

user banned Due April 2; Georgia 7200 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" SO doesn't :( He really doesn't like it. But he would never demand that I not watch it. "


What?? The only time SO watches is when we're laughing at it with a group of friends, but he's still watching it. Since we're both adults, I don't think we have the right to demand things of each other.

homes cool 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60866 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Does that go the other way too then? Is ... [snip!] ... if he were to say..you can't eat preaches anymore and had no valid reason as to why just because he said so then of course not."


I guess the thing is, it's not always that easy. DH hates porn, but he fell into it, after we agreed not to have it be a part of our marriage. The harsh demands of "Do not do it, or else..." just don't always work.

Emily Thorne 2 kids; Quetzaltenango, Guatemala 26302 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting Twin's Mommy:" What?? The only time SO watches is when we're laughing at it with a group of friends, but he's still ... [snip!] ... friends, but he's still watching it. Since we're both adults, I don't think we have the right to demand things of each other."


SO is a paramedic and firefighter, the guys watch it at the station sometimes and I know he is in the same room, but he really doesn't like it at all. I tried telling him he just needs to watch better porn but it doesn't work! lmao




We are going to have to make a video for him to enjoy watching it i think! lmao

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
22nd Sep '12
Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" <blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Does that go the other way too then? Is ... [snip!] ... if he were to say..you can't eat preaches anymore and had no valid reason as to why just because he said so then of course not."


The problem is, what it a valid reason?



"You can't talk to that man because he's better looking then me, and it makes me jealous." Is that okay? If so, because you want your husband happy, how long until that can go into you can't speak to ANY men?



You can't watch porn. Soon that turns into you can't watch movies that have any nudity. Next nothing with sensual scenes, or books with love scenes. Why? Because it makes HIM uncomfortable.



See the problem? That puts a single persons wants and needs above their partners. It means that the partner is the one whose feelings matter. Instead why not sit down and address the issue. Come to a compromise and figure out what to do instead of "he doesn't want me to and I love him so I wont."



Also, demands on their own don't require reasons. A demand is a demand. Now you say you'd want to talk about it and find a reason, but then you don't just accept demands.

Isaiah & Delilah's Mama 2 kids; Georgia 8616 posts
22nd Sep '12

I wouldn't mind DH watching porn if he wanted to. However we both are uncomfortable with it. I don't think either one should "DEMAND" the other to do or not to do stuff. That's not how a marriage or relationship period should be IMO . I do hate when people say ALL men watch porn. They truly don't. I think it should be a mutual agreement.

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12134 posts
22nd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" Expectations are not demands. How far do you believe your ability to demand goes? How far does his? ... [snip!] ... simply demand certain actions or inactions from your partner, that be sheer presence of a marriage license you have that power."</blockquote>




Out marriage goes and means far more than the license it was printed on..me and my hubby disagree..I just asked him again if he felt e had the right to demand certain things from each other and he said yes if it comes to the health and safety of out family..and I agree with him.