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In desperate need of opinions... 19uk Due September 30 (girl); United Kingdom 5 posts
23rd Sep '12

For a year my boyfriend was asking me to get pregnant, I kept saying no as we had a miscarriage the year before and I was worried about the same thing happening. Anyways, after about a year and a half I said yes and we proceeded to try for a baby, I fell pregnant instantly.. After agreeing to try I didn't have another period.
When I was 8 weeks pregnant he left me because he got in contact with a girl he was with prior to meeting me. Since then it all went down hill, he's spent the last 9 months on whatever drugs he can get hold of and didn't attend hospital appointments and Midwifes with me even though he was invited. He hasn't tried for the last 9 months to be part of our unborn daughters life but this week he has suddenly appeared out of nowhere (I'm 39 weeks now) and asking me whether he can be part of her life. He sees me in the street and walks past me asif I'm not stood there the size of a house with his daughter in me!
I just don't know what to do... Do I trust him!? That he isn't going to hurt her and is going to stop the drugs for her? Or do I go with my better judgement and tell him he's 9 months too late. Please please help.

user banned Due November 7 (boy); 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
23rd Sep '12

Let's see, a drug addict, left you during your whole pregnancy.....



I'd say go ahead and let him pursue you in court if he REALLY wants to be involved.

♀NoBoysAllowed 19 kids; San Diego, California 51862 posts
23rd Sep '12

He has. Every right ton be a part of LOs life, despite how poorly he treated you.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
23rd Sep '12

That's kind of a no-brainer..... No, you can't trust him.

Minnow+2 2 kids; Dayton, Ohio 1109 posts
23rd Sep '12

NO! After all that he needs to get clean and if he REALLY wants to have a part in her life he will go after his rights through the legal system. His involvement will only cause you more stress if he's not sincere.

Mrs cree Due November 23; 33 kids; Ontario 1907 posts
23rd Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting 19uk:</b>" For a year my boyfriend was asking me to get pregnant, I kept saying no as we had a miscarriage the year ... [snip!] ... going to stop the drugs for her? Or do I go with my better judgement and tell him he's 9 months too late. Please please help."</blockquote>




Make him prove he wants to be involved by his actions don't tell him what to do if he is sincere he will stick with it but if he's not he will be gone in a few weeks to a month or two maybe when the next girl comes along just continue to tell him about apps and things and see if he comes to the birth ect and see what he does the biggest test will be when baby arrives good luck if it doesn't work out this time don't give him a chance again no one should be a doormat you deserve better

Milk Monster 2 kids; Arizona 9089 posts
23rd Sep '12
Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:" Let's see, a drug addict, left you during your whole pregnancy..... I'd say go ahead and let him pursue you in court if he REALLY wants to be involved."


This. If he wasnt' doing drugs then I'd give him a chance but since he is doing drugs he can go to court to see her if he really cares that much.

JΔS Georgia 72364 posts
status 23rd Sep '12

A competent judge is not going to let a druggie have any type of custody or unsupervised visitation with a child. He'll be lucky if he gets supervised visits. Its obvious you can't trust him. I mean..he wanted a baby, you got pregnant then he left you.

19uk Due September 30 (girl); United Kingdom 5 posts
23rd Sep '12

Thankyou everybody. It looks like I'm going to be investing in a lawyer sometime soon.

TaeganElise27wks Due September 26; 1 child; 2 angel babies; Atlanta, Georgia 1861 posts
25th Sep '12
Quoting 19uk:" For a year my boyfriend was asking me to get pregnant, I kept saying no as we had a miscarriage the year ... [snip!] ... going to stop the drugs for her? Or do I go with my better judgement and tell him he's 9 months too late. Please please help."


Ever one deserves a chance; but in your case its up to you to use better judgement. Meaning give him the chance to come around but set your boundaries and always have yourself prepared for future upset. I am not saying that he will prove you right, but in the end your daughter deserves the chance; but if he doesn't take this chance 100% wholeheartedly then you know what to do, but like I said have yourself ready because in the end if it doesn't work out the way you plain you won't have time to be sad and down while you have that baby needing you. Always remember things may have not happen how you planned before and maybe after, but your lil DD will always need you, give you the love and support you need. Don't let him take your sunshine either way!