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hate. Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
28th Sep '12

have you ever just... really hated yourself? i mean just honestly not loved or even liked one thing about yourself?



sometimes i just feel like a frustrated failure. i have about 0 self esteem and never really have had any... and as i get older, it just seems to get worse.



sorry... random little... whatever there.



i don't feel like i'm a good person. not one bit... i don't feel like there's one good thing about me.



good news is i'm back on my meds now (and i have new ones that work better), but i still get in these funks and can't seem to get back out for a while.



again, sorry... this probably didn't even make much sense.
(i also realized i feel the need to apologize almost all the time, for anything.)

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21312 posts
status 28th Sep '12

sometimes i hate things i've done/am doing. I feel bad about the way i've treated a few people in my past and sometimes just feel like i'll never get over it. I apologized randomly to one person and she probably thought i was crazy since it was years later, but at least i feel better about it.

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
28th Sep '12
Quoting Colt's mommy:" sometimes i hate things i've done/am doing. I feel bad about the way i've treated a few people in my ... [snip!] ... randomly to one person and she probably thought i was crazy since it was years later, but at least i feel better about it."


when i REALLY think about myself, i hate everything about me. i'm not really very GOOD at anything and that makes me feel like a loser. i'm good at being a random b***h for no reason, but that's about it. i feel like a five year old kid crying in the corner when i get like this. it's frustrating and pathetic.



ha, when BG upsets me for absolutely NO reason, it's about that time :) lol



and when i said i apologize all the time, it's for things i shouldn't be apologizing for. not sure if i can think of an example right now... but yeah.



NONE of this seems to make sense, so if anyone is following, that's awesome. you're doing a good job.

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21312 posts
status 28th Sep '12

I understand feeling like a loser because you're not good at anything, I feel that same way fairly often. I've just decided to focus on my fitness because it makes me feel good to dedicate myself to something that just for me. I know it's different now that I'm a mother and i should dedicate my life to that but I just need something more. I've done other things over the past year that I am not proud of too :(

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21312 posts
status 28th Sep '12

I'm sorry you feel so horrible momma! I'm not good at giving advice but can always lend an ear when needed.

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
28th Sep '12

i'm sorry :(



it's pretty cool that you can focus on something for yourself, though. i can't focus too long on anything for anyone.

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
28th Sep '12
Quoting Colt's mommy:" I'm sorry you feel so horrible momma! I'm not good at giving advice but can always lend an ear when needed."


thank you. sometimes i just feel like i need to get things out of my head, but i can't quite figure out how to do it.
sometimes it's nice to have someone listen/read and just have a conversation about things... it can help get it all out.

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21312 posts
status 28th Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" thank you. sometimes i just feel like i need to get things out of my head, but i can't quite figure ... [snip!] ... do it. sometimes it's nice to have someone listen/read and just have a conversation about things... it can help get it all out."</blockquote>




I feel the same. I'm freaking out right now because i just got a super awesome job offer and that means i need to take a drug test next week and i barely stopped smoking pot a week and a half ago. It's completely my fault and it's not even the first (or second) time it's happened.... I'm going to be so embarrassed if i don't pass it, i've already told several people that i pretty much got the job and they already have someone lined up at my current job.

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
28th Sep '12
Quoting Colt's mommy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" thank you. sometimes i just feel like ... [snip!] ... it, i've already told several people that i pretty much got the job and they already have someone lined up at my current job."


did you smoke every day? or, almost every day? and when is the test?

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21312 posts
status 28th Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" did you smoke every day? or, almost every day? and when is the test?"</blockquote>




Yeah, every day for two months. I work out 5-6 days a week and don't have fat except a tiny bit in my belly. I drink at least 64 oz of water everyday, and am now drinking cranberry juice since i found out about it. I took an at home test today and there was a very very faint line (the test says if there's a line at all then it's negative). I don't know for sure when the test is but i'm thinking probably Wednesday.

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
28th Sep '12
Quoting Colt's mommy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" did you smoke every day? or, almost every ... [snip!] ... says if there's a line at all then it's negative). I don't know for sure when the test is but i'm thinking probably Wednesday."


i really think you'll be fine, then. just keep up with the cranberry juice. it takes about two weeks to get out of your system for urine tests if you're a habitual user.



if you did it just every once in a while, it'd be out of your system in just a few days.

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21312 posts
status 28th Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" i really think you'll be fine, then. just keep up with the cranberry juice. it takes about two weeks ... [snip!] ... tests if you're a habitual user. if you did it just every once in a while, it'd be out of your system in just a few days."</blockquote>




I'm going to retest myself before i go take it. I had to take a cleansing drink for my last one and it turned my pee green!! It worked though, lol

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
28th Sep '12
Quoting Colt's mommy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" i really think you'll be fine, then. ... [snip!] ... before i go take it. I had to take a cleansing drink for my last one and it turned my pee green!! It worked though, lol"


we sell a cleansing drink at my store. i don't remember what it's called... gold something. lol. i've been told it works well. the thing about those drinks is that you have to take them at a specific time before your test or it doesn't work. they're tricky. lol.

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21312 posts
status 28th Sep '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" we sell a cleansing drink at my store. i don't remember what it's called... gold something. lol. i've ... [snip!] ... about those drinks is that you have to take them at a specific time before your test or it doesn't work. they're tricky. lol."</blockquote>




Yeah, i had a 4 hr time frame. I had to call and tell them i had to fix a flat tire because i was still peeing green. By the time i got there it was faint enough that it just looked a little yellow so it actually worked out well.

Kimber's Mommy 1 child; South Carolina 4272 posts
28th Sep '12
Quoting Colt's mommy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting K.MarieAnnette:</b>" we sell a cleansing drink at my store. ... [snip!] ... peeing green. By the time i got there it was faint enough that it just looked a little yellow so it actually worked out well."


LOL! good job :)



that's the coolest story of sneaky-ness i've ever heard of.