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He is raising you.. but didnt make you?? Manda Papendorf 3 kids; Waco, Texas 21 posts
3rd Oct '12

My husband Joey and I have been together since I was about 2 months pregnant. He was their when my son Brycen was born and has been right by my side raising him since birth. He has been his daddy his before he was born in every way financially and emotionally. Brycen is a little over 4 yrs old now. And In May of this yr Brycens biological father Chad signed his rights over and Joey Adopted Brycen.



Chad (biological father) has never been in brycens life for very long, maybe a week at a time every 9 months or so. send a present on some holidays. And Not because I wouldnt allow him too, this was his own choice. (not making excuses for him but I was 19 and Chad was 17 when Brycen was born)



We all had our times of not getting along and fighting, but for the most part we were all civil.



Joey and I agreed with Chad that he can still see him and after he signed his rights over, and that when Brycen is older we will tell him that chad is his biological father. We did this because its not secret who is biological father is, my family, Joeys family and all of our friend know, so we think it would be best he hear it from us and not someone else and be mad at us for keeping it from him. And Joey is a man of his word so Chad is allowed to see him when he would like(which is once a month or so.) Brycen does know that his name is Chad and sees him a friend of ours and seems to think he is pretty cool.



Now I am a little confused on what We should do, Chad and his girl friend are having a boy at the end of this month, This will be Chad third Child Brycen- he signed rights over... Halley his second- the mother gave for adoption to her family member.. and Now his soon to be third child Chance.



How do I tell my son that he has a younger brother??



We sat down and talked about it and agreed that we would just tell him that when we told him about the adoption.



What is a good age to tell him??
Is what we are doing going to hurt him emotionally??
Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

M walls 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7267 posts
3rd Oct '12

Id say around 5 or 6. By then he should be old enough to understand

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 5656 posts
3rd Oct '12

My situation is different, but i explained the basics of the situation to my oldest and answered any questions he had. It might hurt him emotionally a little bit. But as long as you guys are open and honest with him about it and his brother, I don't think it will scar him for life or anything. IMO,It's probably the healthiest way to do this sort of thing.



Maybe say that his bio dad loved him so much that he wanted him to have both a mommy and a daddy since Bio dad can't be there as much as his adopted dad can be.

*~Stella's Momma~* 1 child; Missouri 1654 posts
3rd Oct '12

Neither of my parents are my biological parents.



They told me when I was 8, which was perfect. I was old enough to understand, but young enough that I was mad they didn't tell me sooner.



He won't be mad at you, he will appreciate the awesome dad he has by that time.

Veronica m6 Due February 25; Fort Richardson, Alaska 1514 posts
3rd Oct '12
Quoting Manda Papendorf:" My husband Joey and I have been together since I was about 2 months pregnant. He was their when my son ... [snip!] ... is a good age to tell him?? Is what we are doing going to hurt him emotionally?? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?"


My first 3 kids are not my husbands biological children. I was young and trying so hard to be grown lol.. My first 3 all have different biological fathers. They call my husband daddy. My first was from my high school sweetheart, second from my ex whom I just liked cause the sex was good, and 3 was a abusive ex-fiance'. My husband took us all in flaws and all and now we are pregnant for the 7th time w/baby number 6...we lost one.... Anywho we tell our children everything...no secrets...no waiting and we answer questions and repeat answers as many times as they need it. We never had or have any problems or issues...My oldest has 2 brothers and a sister he knows about and never sees along with biological father. My second has a brother and 5 step sisters that she never sees but they send pics over "the kids FB page" and my 3rd he is a only child from his father and they love him so much they keep trying to get custody behind my back so i sometimes allow him to have monitored conversations with his father on my terms............Follow your heart, there is no right or wrong answer....For ME honesty is always the best policy and sooner is always better than later.

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 26123 posts
3rd Oct '12
Quoting ~*Amanda Evan*~:" Neither of my parents are my biological parents. They told me when I was 8, which was perfect. I was ... [snip!] ... that I was mad they didn't tell me sooner. He won't be mad at you, he will appreciate the awesome dad he has by that time."


My friend was like that too, but he has DEEP issues from not being told sooner. His bio mom is a piece of crap and ruined my friend and him being told his "parents" were his grandparents threw his life in a whirlwind.



I told Lily when she was 7 (or maybe it was the beginning of her being 8, she's almost 9) the kid version of why her father isn't around. She took it well, and has never asked anything since. It killed me, KILLED me to have that conversation with her though.

M walls 4 kids; Keenesburg, Colorado 7267 posts
3rd Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" My friend was like that too, but he has DEEP issues from not being told sooner. His bio mom is a piece ... [snip!] ... She took it well, and has never asked anything since. It killed me, KILLED me to have that conversation with her though."</blockquote>




This is off topic but I seen you live in co. How do you like golden?

*~Stella's Momma~* 1 child; Missouri 1654 posts
3rd Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" My friend was like that too, but he has DEEP issues from not being told sooner. His bio mom is a piece ... [snip!] ... She took it well, and has never asked anything since. It killed me, KILLED me to have that conversation with her though."</blockquote>




My bio mom is a big piece of crap too. But I'm not being raised by anyone related to me. I think 7-8 is a good age, I think 5 is too young for them to grasp the concept and reasoning why yet.



It's a touchy subject and I think it completely depends on the parents/child when the right time is.

Veronica m6 Due February 25; Fort Richardson, Alaska 1514 posts
3rd Oct '12

Like i said i told my first 3 very young....so young that they always knew almost since birth....At first they would say " I have 2 daddies" and as they got older learned the difference between biological father and daddy.... For them, since they have always known, there was never a hurt feeling on their or our part. They are happy and wouldn't change a thing. My oldest told me, when i asked how he felt, he said..." you are my mommy, dad is my daddy and Big Quincy is my biological father" as he gave me a look of whats the big deal...For him it was like I asked a stupid question .lol

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 26123 posts
3rd Oct '12
Quoting Misty Walls:" <blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" My friend was like that too, but he has ... [snip!] ... conversation with her though."</blockquote> This is off topic but I seen you live in co. How do you like golden?"


I love it! It's so pretty here... we have so many animals come in out front yard and the school my daughter goes to. Seriously, we see so many deer in the area! Coyotes too, we have to watch out for those. But they aren't dangerous really, they tend to stay away. I love this area, and it's really close to any other town here.