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Cast Your Vote:

    • Allow him,he's the father&it may help him realize some things. -- Votes: 47
    • He lost that priviledge when he bailed. -- Votes: 25
CandyKisses313 1 child; Michigan 120 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting *Soon 2B G0rda*:" The way you worded it OP sounds like youre almost making him feel pressured to be with you. Like if he ... [snip!] ... you. Like if he isn't with you that you are going o let him be there. And be like well you dumped me so you can't see your son"


No, I always told him I didn't want him to be with me just because I was pregnant. I just feel like if he was going to do this, it should've been months ago, not when I'm about to pop. :\ I have no problem with him seeing his son, I've already told him I want to set up a schedule and keep things out of friend of the courts hands, and I have even gotten doubles of things such as carseats, swings n bouncer seats in order to help with the situation (I was given doubles long ago by people) and I figure I have a portable bassinet, so I can just allow him to use that when he has our son. I never text him first; I usually wake up to his texts, I don't bother him, I do reply to everything though and keep conversations going, and I've struggled with the fact that maybe I should be a b***h to him for this stuff, and here I am being nice... he's even mentioned hooking up and whatnot, which I'm not sure I'm ok with. I can see where you would think I'm pressuring though, I feel like he doesn't deserve the right to see his son being born after bailing at the very very last minute... his timing could've been WAY better. He always said he'd be there to support me, blah blah blah.. and it seems as if it was all talk. I would tell him not to stay with me just because I'm pregnant, as it wouldn't change him seeing his son... he said he wasn't, that he was here cause he wanted to be. :\ He's extremely depressive n bipolar, and I've done nothing but help him.. buying his groceries, his sons groceries, helped him tremendously with borrowing him money til he could pay me back etc.. yet he hasn't bought a single thing for our son cause he's broke. :( I just have hopes that it could work out, and it's only been a few days, so cuts are still fresh here and maybe that's why i'm hopeful.. that and he leads me on to think there's a chance, he brings it up not me.

Soon 2B Mom of 2 2 kids; North Highlands, California 3785 posts
6th Oct '12

I would say give him a chance to be in the room, because he sounds like a good dad, and no matter what happens between you guys, as long as he is a good dad, he deserves to be a part of his childs life from the very first breath. Plus if he starts being an ass, or starts a fight with you, then you can always make him leave. Good luck hun!

*Audree* 18 kids; Asotin, Washington 2345 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting CandyKisses313:" No, I always told him I didn't want him to be with me just because I was pregnant. I just feel like ... [snip!] ... still fresh here and maybe that's why i'm hopeful.. that and he leads me on to think there's a chance, he brings it up not me."


so because he realized things at a time that isnt the most convenient, you want to keep him from the birth of his child? that isnt right.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36449 posts
6th Oct '12

First off he should have been able to walk away anytime from being in a relationship with you. And second, I would take everything to court.. not just be friendly. If he takes him, he has the right to keep him from you until you guys have some court ordered agreement.

*Audree* 18 kids; Asotin, Washington 2345 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" First off he should have been able to walk away anytime from being in a relationship with you. And second, ... [snip!] ... not just be friendly. If he takes him, he has the right to keep him from you until you guys have some court ordered agreement. "


:!: going through the courts protects everyone involved. even if people end things on the friendliest of terms, it's still a good idea to get everything set up legally in case anything ever does happen.

CandyKisses313 1 child; Michigan 120 posts
6th Oct '12

I'm nearly 23 and he'll be 25 in less than 2 months. I agree I guess it is immature not to allow him in the room just cause of the breakup, but I'm really only concerned because I don't want to look back and remember my love's birth as an emotional awkward time, I want it to be happy and wonderful as a memory. I'm just afraid it'll cloud my mind while I'm laboring/giving birth. He is very.. yuck about birth anyways, he's said he has no interest in seeing a baby come out of a vagina, I guess he just is willing to be in the room. He did ask me if he could be there, and I told him I wasn't sure yet. He said I'd know when I'm in labor what I wanted.. I'm kinda hoping he's right.



I suppose I'll give him the option, as he doesn't have a car or license right now and is likely going to jail for a few weeks in a few weeks. If he doesn't make it, it'll be on him, not me. And you're right, I can always boot him to the waiting room if it turns out to be too harsh for me.



Thanks for the insight so far, I really appreciate it all.

Moses. Due October 27; 3 kids; Texas 16003 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting CandyKisses313:" No, I always told him I didn't want him to be with me just because I was pregnant. I just feel like ... [snip!] ... still fresh here and maybe that's why i'm hopeful.. that and he leads me on to think there's a chance, he brings it up not me."


He bailed on your relationship, not you and your son. From the sounds of it, he's still very much active in your lives. It doesn't matter when he bailed on the relationship itself, what matters is he hasn't bailed on your kid.

account is deleted Maine 3500 posts
6th Oct '12

I'd let him in the room, but like you said, I'd keep in mind that he's feelings can get wishy washy and just because he may be acting all lovey dovey in the delivery room, dont expect him to be later.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36449 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting CandyKisses313:" I'm nearly 23 and he'll be 25 in less than 2 months. I agree I guess it is immature not to allow him ... [snip!] ... him to the waiting room if it turns out to be too harsh for me. Thanks for the insight so far, I really appreciate it all. "


Trust me. I fully understand. Last year when my youngest son was born, his bio dad knew... he didnt come to the hospital to see him born. He didnt come the day he was born. He only came on the day that we had to sign his rights away [I did adoption]. He claims that he didnt know that I was in labor. But the adoptive parents knew, his aunt knew. So he knew. He just didnt care. So its all on him.



I fully understand how you feel.

amor♥ 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Dayton, Ohio 88471 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting CandyKisses313:" ** I apologize for the novel. If you have rude comments, please don't bother. If you've been in this ... [snip!] ... and want to get back together... Advice? Would you allow him in the room or will it hurt me with all the baggage going on? "


Im not reading all that lol



But Im 50/50 on this. I think he should be allowed to see the baby after ward..But if you arent comfortable with him in while youre delivering, then dont have him in there

CandyKisses313 1 child; Michigan 120 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" First off he should have been able to walk away anytime from being in a relationship with you. And second, ... [snip!] ... not just be friendly. If he takes him, he has the right to keep him from you until you guys have some court ordered agreement. "

Like I said, I told him from day 1 I didn't wanna be with someone who is with me just cause Im preg. Reminded him of this several times throughout the pregnancy.



From the research I've done, even with him signing the BC I would have full custody, until an agreement is reached or ordered in court... At least that is what the Michigan pamphlets online say. The parentage affidavit says also that the mother has initial custody... I'm unsure if it is full or just initial? I really don't have money to go to court or get a lawyer, and am hoping DHS can help me with this all.



I'm not worried about him snatching our son, he works and can't afford to support himself right now let alone an infant. I already know he doesn't have an interest in raising an infant alone, it'd be impossible for him to do with working 56 hours a week with no car. He is a douche, but he doesn't lack common sense. However, in the future, THEN I could see worrying about him wanting custody. I'm fine with sharing custody, but I'll have to talk to a case worker about that, as I myself do not know the facts as far as that goes... I didn't think I'd have to worry about that this soon.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36449 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting CandyKisses313:" Like I said, I told him from day 1 I didn't wanna be with someone who is with me just cause Im preg. ... [snip!] ... about that, as I myself do not know the facts as far as that goes... I didn't think I'd have to worry about that this soon. "


You never know. Go through the courts. It doesnt matter if hes not able to support him or not. YOU didnt make the baby. And he wants to keep it. So... yeah make him help through the courts.

CandyKisses313 1 child; Michigan 120 posts
6th Oct '12
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" You never know. Go through the courts. It doesnt matter if hes not able to support him or not. YOU didnt make the baby. And he wants to keep it. So... yeah make him help through the courts. "


You're right..
I just feel like maybe he deserves a chance to prove he can help out on his own, without FOC dipping into his checks every week... I mean it's always an option later on, right? I read that when you are on government assistance(food stamps/medicaid) they automatically seek CS within 3 months.. I'm unsure if this is true or how accurate this is, but I guess it's a good thing. I just don't want him to NOT sign due on CS alone.. as this was a war we had before :roll: I'll have to wait and see what happens, but if it IS up to me... I feel like maybe he deserves a chance to help on his own without the court. Maybe I'm naive or wrong, but I'll have to talk to my DHS worker about it.

AA&L Due June 23; TTA since Mar 2012; 1 child; Florida 721 posts
6th Oct '12

I would allow him to be there, but I wouldn't expect it to change anything.

~RJS~ Stockholm, Sweden 4528 posts
6th Oct '12

it's your birth, you get to decide. I don't think it's immature because it's something that can be a cause of stress for you, which can be a hinderance when giving birth and making it longer/more painful. I wouldn't allow a man who dumped me twice the month I was due to give birth, and was out partying instead of being with you at the hospital when you thought you were giving birth.



seeing your child being born isn't a "right" you have just because you contributed with the sperm, the birth is all about you being comfortable, and it's definitely a time where you can be selfish. If you think you might be having a hard time coping if he is in there, and that it might make you extra emotional... don't have him in there.