Reply
I think my marriage is over. BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Oct '12

A little backstory: DH and I have one child bio. The other is mine from a previous relationship. The one that isn't his calls him Daddy and there reallt isnt a difference between the two.




Now, I had a terrible pregnancy with our child together. He was born in May and I had emergency surgery right after he was born, so I felt out of it for weeks. I couldn't do much because I could only lift 5 pounds. DH really didn't help with chores, so the house got junky pretty fast. we live with his parents and they got pissed at him for not helping. When our son was about 6 weeks old, DH texted me and said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married anymore. I was devastated. He said it was because I was living like a pig. So, that night I cleaned the entire house while he was working. When he got home, he apologized and we were okay. Ever since then, he'll randomly spurt out,"I'm sorry." When I ask why, he says,"Because I'm a bad person." I'll ask him why he thinks that and he tells me he just is. Usually after that, he tells me he's not happy and that he isn't sure if being married is right for him. This happens about every 3 weeks. I've asked him about it and his Dad has too (on his own, because he noticed it and wanted to figure out why).



Well, now, he's doing it again but each time it happens he gets more angry. He's told me he doesn't feel special because I slept with 4 people before him (he slept with 3), that he's just another failed relationship with me, and that he can't handle the stress he's under. (I don't know what stress and I've asked, he can't come up with anything)



He complains about his weight, yet eats junk. He complains about my oldests son father, yet I keep him out of any drama. He doesn't like my mom (LONG story), so he is never expected to go around her. He's told me that he has looked at divorce and he has though about his exes. He says I'm junky because I have too much stuff, but I have the same amount he does.



I feel so lost, I want this to work out but he won't go to counseling or really talk about it.



Advice?

Tavi 1 child; Washington 24422 posts
7th Oct '12

If he's not willing to go to counseling, there's nothing you can do.



He doesn't want to "fix" this problem.



It kind of sounds like he doesn't know if he wants the family life anymore...

♥MOBAS♥ 2 kids; 1 angel baby; California 7198 posts
7th Oct '12

I would give him a divorce, he isn't going to be a very good husband to you. I am sorry.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Oct '12
Quoting Tavi:" If he's not willing to go to counseling, there's nothing you can do. He doesn't want to "fix" this problem. It kind of sounds like he doesn't know if he wants the family life anymore..."



He never wanted to get married, but he said when he met me that things changed. His mom and I have the same birthday...last year we spent 200 on her and she picked where we ate. I didn't get a card until he saw me crying and went to the store the next day. For our anniversary, I switched my schedule because he said we were going to do something, I rushed home from work that morning and he slept all day. No card, not anything.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Oct '12
Quoting Sonia[MOBAS]:" I would give him a divorce, he isn't going to be a very good husband to you. I am sorry."


I am still just so shocked that I literally have a panic attack when I think about us not being together.

USAF wf&m 2 kids; Albuquerque, New Mexico 1795 posts
7th Oct '12

He sounds like a jerk. And very insecure. If you want to work things out with him ask him to go to counseling with you and try to work on things. If he doesn't want to do that then I would just let him serve you with divorce papers. I would hate to be strung along like that. It's not like y'all are just boyfriend and girlfriend, he can't just decide every couple weeks that he doesn't want to be married. It's not fair to you at all.

Mary Wanzer Due December 22 (boy); 1 child; Odessa, Texas 5 posts
7th Oct '12

Sounds like he may have depression. My daughters dad went through that and it's why we split up. Having a kid doesn't only affect a mother. The only thing you can do is try every way possible to make your relationship work and not give up like i did!! persistents is key! It also could just be a rough patch! the father of my unborn son (not my daughters father) and I are seperated right now because he is stressed and started getting depressed! It's hard to handle for some people and i hope it will all work out for you and your family in the end! Just keep your head up high and stay strong!

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Oct '12
Quoting Mary Wanzer:" Sounds like he may have depression. My daughters dad went through that and it's why we split up. Having ... [snip!] ... some people and i hope it will all work out for you and your family in the end! Just keep your head up high and stay strong!"


His mom said he used to be really depressed and I've asked him to go talk to someone alone if he doesn't want to go with me and he says he's is depressed but it's just the situation.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Oct '12
Quoting USAF wf&m:" He sounds like a jerk. And very insecure. If you want to work things out with him ask him to go to counseling ... [snip!] ... and girlfriend, he can't just decide every couple weeks that he doesn't want to be married. It's not fair to you at all."


He isn't a jerk all of the time, but when he is, HE IS. He is so good with the kids . I just talked to him on the phone and he said I smother him.

♥MOBAS♥ 2 kids; 1 angel baby; California 7198 posts
7th Oct '12
Quoting BG Secrets:" I am still just so shocked that I literally have a panic attack when I think about us not being together. "


I am sorry. It sucks. My ex husband was like that too except he would leave me for someone else and then beg me to come back to him, it was horrible. There came a point in our relationship when I really needed him and he had no interest and I got so angry that I was ready to let go.
Honestly, you won't be able to let go until you are ready......otherwise you will just keep trying to make it work.

*Stella's Mommy.* Due July 9 (boy); 1 child; Apple Valley, California 79 posts
7th Oct '12

Does he ever go out alone for long periods of time? If he says he's a bad person maybe he has a guilty conscience of cheating.=( I hope that's not the case. Maybe you guys should take some time apart. When I fight with BD I go to my parents and then he misses me so bad so we forget what it is we were fighting about.

Mary Wanzer Due December 22 (boy); 1 child; Odessa, Texas 5 posts
7th Oct '12

The smother comment he made to you means it's over girl! I'm sorry but he is finding excuse after excuse it sounds like. Same thing happened to me. Maybe just take a little break from each other and see how things go. I'm trying it with my fiance (We are still being faithful) but i'm staying at my parents and he is at our apartment till we work things out. Has he made any other comments you havent already said?

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Oct '12
Quoting Sonia[MOBAS]:" I am sorry. It sucks. My ex husband was like that too except he would leave me for someone else and ... [snip!] ... to let go. Honestly, you won't be able to let go until you are ready......otherwise you will just keep trying to make it work."


I don't know if I will ever be able to let go. I know it's stupid but he and the kids are my life.

Christina2011 17 kids; Salem, Oregon 1674 posts
7th Oct '12

Honestly, it sounds like he is cheating and making up excuses to divorce you.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
7th Oct '12
Quoting Andee Meza:" Does he ever go out alone for long periods of time? If he says he's a bad person maybe he has a guilty ... [snip!] ... apart. When I fight with BD I go to my parents and then he misses me so bad so we forget what it is we were fighting about."


He works an hour away from home night shift, so he stays at a base in a hospital to sleep. Other than that, he's with me or the kids most of the time. But when he is there, he's there for 3 days.