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Oyy-for the life of me! Advice PLEASE!?-Long *Stina* [[Mommy to 3]] 19 kids; New York 3504 posts
8th Oct '12

Okay, so here's a little bit of a back story...



My boyfriend (Kris) has a little brother, he is 14 and to me he is pretty troubled. His mother kicked him out and he went to stay with his older sister until he realized he was to be under strict rules. Had to go to school, be in the house by a certain time, let her know where he was and to notify her that he was staying at a friend's house. Well, that lasted about a week. he ended up taking off for 3 days with no kind of contact to her what-so-ever. He called her out of the blue one day and says, "It's not a school night, can I stay at my friends?" Mind you, he hadn't gone to school. She told him she didn't care because he had disrespected her so he wouldn't be staying with her anymore, which I do not blame her one bit. Those rules are not that hard to abide by.



So, he started staying the night with us a couple times a week, we don't know where he was at at any other time, nor would he tell anyone anyways. Then out of no where Kris decides to call his mom and tell her he is either taking his brother or turning her in, so she signed legal guardianship over to Kris. I did not like the idea, and he didn't discuss this with me first. I understand this is his little brother, but he does these things to himself and he's very disrespectful. I just let it slide for a couple weeks. He still was not going to school, sleeping allday and staying up allnight playing on the computer, Xbox, watching TV, or just going out after we went to bed. Kris and I had to be to work everyday at 7:00am so there was no way for us to ensure he was getting to school because he was supposed to be taking the bus. He was in a special program for troubled kids because he had tried to set the school on fire. There was only three weeks left until the end of the school year and he did not make it one day. He's also a theif and very manipulative.



I ended up having enough, so I moved out on my own, that didn't last more than a week because I missed my boyfriend. So, I came back and thought I could handle him living there as well. Everything just got worse, I work full-time to have to come home everyday to pick up after his slobliness. He smokes weed, which I am against, smokes cigarettes in his room, which absolutely no smoking is aloud in my house when I'm not here, I can just smell it because my house smells super fresh all the time. All of my furniture, etc is brand new. steals my cigarettes the first second they're in his site and I'm not there(I just started not keeping them in my house unless it's my opened pack, which I shouldn't have to gaurd my things) He uses my kids' toothbrushes to clean his sneakers. I SLEEP with my credit cards and money in my bra because I've had things come up missing while I am sleeping.



The beginning of this school year started as horribly as the last one ended. He did not go to school the first day, he refused. So he was not aloud in the house at all until after 4 O'clock, and this is because his sister came here and raised hell about it. He's been in school about 3 days since September 4th. He will pretend like he went to school that day, even if he gets dropped off but we call just about every other day to find out he hasn't gone or leaves school after 2-3 classes. I have never seen him open a book to do any kind of homework. He was suspended for 5 days this past wednesday for being searched and they found a knife on him(Which we have no clue where he got it from)when they caught him leaving the school and searched him as they basically dragged him back into the school.He came home, slept until about 3'Oclock and went out and wasn't seen for 2 days. He came home for the night and left again and I've seen him one time since, and it boggles my mind because to me, this is NOT OKAY! Kris didn't even seem to care. He does have issues with being assertive, and I hate the fact that he feels as though he doesn't have a say. If I bitch about these issues, Kris gets angry with me. But it is not fair that I do pays half of the bills and I suffer through all of this when I didn't even want him here in the first place. I have 3 kids to worry about. Kris lets all of this happen because he doesn't say anything. Kris will try "talking" to him about things but it does not work. Doesn't punish him because he says,"I'm not his father." I cannot stand seeing this kid do what he wants to do at that age and not have a care in the world. Or even do his own dishes, or clean his room. He laughs in my face if I say anything to him, like haha BITCH or something like that. It's like he's aloud to disrespect me and it's like it's ok that I pick up after him like he's a 5 year old. (I can't stand a mess, so I can't leave it too long) His progress report has 5 50s', 1 70 and 1 25 as grades.



There is more to this story but this is just the jist of it.
How can I keep living like this? I feel like I am going to snap. What would you do? Kris just told me he doesn't even care anymore about this whole school thing. Can't he get in trouble? I really want him to just go somewhere, take all of his things and go! I need the spare room anyways and it's like a storage unit storage to him. I've been thinking of just leaving Kris, I love him with everything I have but I am done dealing with this. I hate having to watch over my shoulder. He kind of scares me with his temper, especially now that I know he's got knives and everything. and he's a big kid for his age. He's about 6'3" tall.



This sounds horrible but do you ever just look at someone, even a kid, and just cannot stand the sight?



So sorry if this is all over the place...any questions, feel free!

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
8th Oct '12

His little ass would be in boot camp or juvi if it was up to me, and your SO not caring just enables him. Where I'm from you can get in serious trouble for skipping school. If your SO isn't willing to make him stop then I'd think long and hard about leaving him, because it's not fair to you or your kids.

Get away. Pennsylvania 83 posts
8th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting ღ.ღ.ღ:</b>" His little ass would be in boot camp or juvi if it was up to me, and your SO not caring just enables ... [snip!] ... SO isn't willing to make him stop then I'd think long and hard about leaving him, because it's not fair to you or your kids."</blockquote>




:!:

*Stina* [[Mommy to 3]] 19 kids; New York 3504 posts
8th Oct '12
Quoting ღ.ღ.ღ:" His little ass would be in boot camp or juvi if it was up to me, and your SO not caring just enables ... [snip!] ... SO isn't willing to make him stop then I'd think long and hard about leaving him, because it's not fair to you or your kids."


That's the thing, I tell him he can get into trouble but I don't think he will realize that until something does happen. He doesn't have the balls to send him away I don't think and I've brought up that option numerous times. He has brought up the idea of PINS, which is like probation for minors that parents or guardians and enroll minors into, but I honestly don't think that option would work for him either because he's so rebelious and disobedient it's insane. It's like a no win situation and ever since he moved in with us about 6 months ago I've been nothing but stressed out.

MissyMom0812 2 kids; Cave City, Kentucky 626 posts
8th Oct '12

Like the previous poster said. He would be in boot camp, juvi and at the very least OUT of my house!!!! He has NO right to treat you that was or your boyfriend. What Kris may not understand is that the courts can pin thousands of dollars of fines on him for not going to school. It's the law, he has to go. My mom got over $5,000 of fines for my older sister not going to school. The fines didn't go to my sister because "she was just a troubled child". That boy needs some serious help. He sounds JUST like my sister was, maybe even worse. Good luck, and if Kris won't do anything... MOVE OUT! You and your kids do not need to be around someone like that just because your bf won't put his foot down.

Isaiah,sophia,&gracie mae 3 kids; Troy, Ohio 232 posts
8th Oct '12

Send his ass to a funded boarding school. I was sent to one from troubke teens because i didnt get along witb my adoptive mother and I didnt believe in god. Get this kids butt in shape..hell boot camp would work too. My hubby went to marine school as a youth along with his brother and really set their lives better..not that there trouble teens. You shouldnt have to deal with all this and your 3 kids have to deal with this..no way.

*Stina* [[Mommy to 3]] 19 kids; New York 3504 posts
8th Oct '12

And he hasn't exactly LET him skip school this school year, he just leaves the house and actually pretends he goes. But when I just brought up the hearing he has for school on Wednesday for getting suspended , and he goes, Oh I don't know, I have to call the school tomorrow to see if I can switch the time( He has to work at 11am and the hearing is at 11.) He said he can't go back until Friday anyways. I said huh? It was 5 days not 6 and he's like whatever, idk and i don't really care honestly. and I said You don't care? He needs to go then because I don't need you in jail for letting him skip school.



Sorrry about my bad grammar. I usually use it.

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
8th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Stina* [[Mommy to 3]]:</b>" That's the thing, I tell him he can get into trouble but I don't think he will realize that until something ... [snip!] ... insane. It's like a no win situation and ever since he moved in with us about 6 months ago I've been nothing but stressed out. "</blockquote>




Something NEEDS to be done or he'll only get worse. Your SO needs to realize that he needs to be a guardian and not a friend. Honestly I'd see abut calling a truancy officer and see what can be done to make him go to school. He needs to be set straight before he heads down a bad path.

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
8th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Stina* [[Mommy to 3]]:</b>" And he hasn't exactly LET him skip school this school year, he just leaves the house and actually pretends ... [snip!] ... needs to go then because I don't need you in jail for letting him skip school. Sorrry about my bad grammar. I usually use it."</blockquote>




He can still get in trouble because it's his responsibility to make sure he goes to school everyday. The fines aren't cheap when it comes to truancy.

*Stina* [[Mommy to 3]] 19 kids; New York 3504 posts
8th Oct '12

I'm going to make some calls tomorrow myself if nobody wants to do anything. Some guy from the childrens division showed up this past June to my house so I think I'm going to try and contact him. I can't sit and wait for Kris to do anything anymore. This guy asked me if it was ok that he was staying with me and I said yes, even though it wasn't but reality is reality and I am not ok anymore. I'm on my last bit of nerves and it's either something is done and he moves out, or gets sent away or I go.

Abi Lynn 1 child; Tullahoma, Tennessee 91 posts
8th Oct '12

Something is going to have to happen. You shouldn't have to hide things just to keep them from going missing in your own house. If you're worried about his temper and size, then get out of there. You SO obviously isn't going to do anything about it if it's gone on this long. Besides that, your kids are going to see the way he's acting and you've got to worry about whether or not they'll pick up on some of his behavior. I wouldn't have my children around a person like that.

*Stina* [[Mommy to 3]] 19 kids; New York 3504 posts
8th Oct '12
Quoting Abi Lynn:" Something is going to have to happen. You shouldn't have to hide things just to keep them from going ... [snip!] ... to worry about whether or not they'll pick up on some of his behavior. I wouldn't have my children around a person like that. "


Agreed!

*Stina* [[Mommy to 3]] 19 kids; New York 3504 posts
16th Oct '12

Well ladies, SO packed his brother's things before I got out of work today and made him leave and made his mom take him back. I feel like 10 tons have been lifted off of my shoulders. It took him stealing money, over 100 dollars for him to have enough.