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khigh 1 child; Fort Sill, Oklahoma 8101 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting MommaSav2:" I think that was a really shitty thing to do and you're a b***h for doing it. The only person it would ... [snip!] ... think that unless you want to hurt him and potentially ruin your marriage I wouldnt tell him. It would just be selfish."


GTFO. Do you know what her situation is and why she cheated?

OP, think about if you are still happy with your husband and want it to continue or if this is your subconscious telling you that it's over. If you want to stay, don't say anything to him until you get counselling to show him you want to change and are working on it.

If you really don't love your husband anymore, start making plans to leave. Don't do it immediatly. Get things ready first. Or ask him about a non-legal seperation so that you can keep your benefits and he keeps getting BAH. That's what my husband and I decided to do.

Mrs. Post-tato Head 4 kids; 1 angel baby; 6789 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Of course she is unhappy, or she wouldn't have cheated. OP, your husband deserves to know what you did. He shouldn't be forced to stay with a cheater through deception."


It's not about forcing him to stay in a relationship with a "cheater". :roll:



It's about keeping him from having to go through pain he doesn't need to go through. If she was going to continue the affair and didn't want to be with him anymore, that's one thing, but if it's over he doesn't need to suffer that hurt because she can't handle the guilt.

K. P. Walsh Due August 5; Japan 1385 posts
10th Oct '12

I had a family friend who cheated on her husband and got pregnant. She had an abortion because the man was black and it would be very obvious the baby was not her husbands. She was in love with this man, she even planned to leave her husband for him but because the man wanted nothing to do with her once she got pregnant,she left him, had an abortion and decided to stay with her husband.
She never told him.
She changed her actions, apparently got past the guilt, and worked even harder at her marriage.
While I think it's completely wrong that she did what she did, it's quite clear their marriage would not have survived such a betrayal. I honestly think it would have broke them.
You cheated for a reason? Was it purely sexual? Are you unhappy?
I think you need to do some soul searching..
But sometimes, when you're willing to change and strengthen your marriage and learn a lesson from a mistake, sometimes honest isn't the best policy. What you don't know won't hurt you.



However, I would want to know.. that's quite a secret to carry to your grave..

TracyBee 2 kids; Centralia, Washington 301 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head
Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting Kaysay:" I seriously doubt that any relationship is 100% open and honest."


Healthy relationships don't involve lying and cheating. And then there is the issue of diseases and unwanted pregnancies to worry about. If I had been cheated on, I would want to know so that I could find someone who wouldn't cheat in the first place.

☆º×ß¡±©µ×º☆ Due September 18; 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Centralia, Washington 44137 posts
10th Oct '12

my biggest fear would be him finding it out from somebody else. it's 1 thing when you're honest and let them know what happened but when somebody else tells it could get blown way out of proportion.

Kenzie + TTC since Jun 2012; 1 child; Grundy Center, Iowa 10663 posts
10th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting K. P. Walsh:</b>" I had a family friend who cheated on her husband and got pregnant. She had an abortion because the man ... [snip!] ... policy. What you don't know won't hurt you. However, I would want to know.. that's quite a secret to carry to your grave.."</blockquote>




Have one mans baby and trying to convince another man it is his is 100% wrong!

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head
Mrs. Post-tato Head 4 kids; 1 angel baby; 6789 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Healthy relationships don't involve lying and cheating. And then there is the issue of diseases and ... [snip!] ... worry about. If I had been cheated on, I would want to know so that I could find someone who wouldn't cheat in the first place."


I hate to tell you, but relationships aren't perfect and people in general are even LESS perfect. People make mistakes. You can live in this fantasy world about healthy, open, honest relationships with rainbows and sunshine coming out your ass, but that doesn't make it real. Shit happens. Get off your high horse.

Andi+Andy=Marley+1 2 kids; Fredericksburg, Virginia 4564 posts
10th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" That's pretty bad. What ever happened to having an open and honest relationship? It isn't fair to the SO, and I would be pissed if I was your DH for having to find out through a friend."</blockquote>



Somethings should be kept a secret. At least I think so. If it's going to cause so much pain then I think it should be kept in a locked box unless the actions are going to be repeated. If my DH cheated on me I would hope he would have the decency not to tell me.

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting Kenzie +
☆º×ß¡±©µ×º☆ Due September 18; 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Centralia, Washington 44137 posts
10th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting TracyBee:</b>" I agree with this, but I don't have the experience of cheating on my SO. I did however have a past SO ... [snip!] ... no need for him to tell me. It just caused me pain when there didn't need to be any and I wished he hadn't told me about it."</blockquote>



is it sad that I think most guys in our town cheat?lol



if you found 1 now that doesnt you got lucky Tracy

K. P. Walsh Due August 5; Japan 1385 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting
regina_margot 2 kids; New York, New York 1543 posts
10th Oct '12
Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Healthy relationships don't involve lying and cheating. And then there is the issue of diseases and ... [snip!] ... worry about. If I had been cheated on, I would want to know so that I could find someone who wouldn't cheat in the first place."


in other words, you'd leave?
so you're telling OP to tell her husband, so that he'll leave her?



that's shitty advice
marriage is worth more than a few days' affair



lessons learnt, OP. now, try to have one good thing come of this, and be a good wife to your husband
and make sure he doesn't find out!

SavageDarling 3 kids; Webster, Massachusetts 10381 posts
10th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kenzie +