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I HATE the holidays. Iyahna :^P Temecula, California 11365 posts
status 18th Oct '12

I hate, hate, hate this time! i always get so emotional.Its been four years and i cant get over the death of my angel.The moment my mom cousin and i heard the words "Im sorry there is no heart beat" All three of us started crying.Plus the doctor being really unsympathetic did not help.He did not care he just wanted us in his personal office so we can make arrangements for a D&C and rushed us out.Not only that i had to go through with a deceased baby inside me for a week and a half until i had my d&C ONE of the hardest things in my f**king life.I hate seeing kids that supposed to be my angels age I left BG for almost two years and deleted all my DD buddies at that time so i wont be jealous,.After 4 years you'd think ill get over it..NOT.I had two healthy pregnancies after but i still have a big open space for my angel.Until we meet again RIP.



Im so sorry for any typos but i was crying as i typed this.I had to get it out.

user banned Due November 7; 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
18th Oct '12

I am sorry you are still struggling. All I can say is I hope you find peace.

You and me + 4 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4113 posts
18th Oct '12
Quoting Iyahna :^P:" I hate, hate, hate this time! i always get so emotional.Its been four years and i cant get over the death ... [snip!] ... space for my angel.Until we meet again RIP. Im so sorry for any typos but i was crying as i typed this.I had to get it out."


I know how you feel. I lost my baby girl September 2011 to Turner Syndrome. She had passed like almost 2 weeks prior and was taken out by D&C the day after my birthday. Although ive conceived again i still find myself wondering what if and i find it hard to be around children that couldve been my little girls age. Im sorry for your loss. PM me if youd like to talk.

user banned California 8675 posts
18th Oct '12

Sorry for your loss but hating other kids and being jealous is not going to help you. Take it day by day. Hugs....

Iyahna :^P Temecula, California 11365 posts
status 18th Oct '12
Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:" I am sorry you are still struggling. All I can say is I hope you find peace."

Thank you so much mama<3 If i dont find peace i need to get some mental help.I cant even go throughout the day without crying.Only during this time i guess because i was expecting a xmas baby.

user banned California 8675 posts
18th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Iyahna :^P:</b>" Thank you so much mama<3 If i dont find peace i need to get some mental help.I cant even go throughout the day without crying.Only during this time i guess because i was expecting a xmas baby."</blockquote>




Try to stay strong for your other 2 kids hun.

DeanJade&Mak's Mom 3 kids; Covina, CA, United States 8822 posts
18th Oct '12

I'm sorry :(



I hate the holidays too... begining with october, my last finances bday is in begining and then the day he died is at tthe end, then I have my sisters bday in december and begining of feb she died... ands its been 5 years this month for him and it will be 5 years for her as well.... it never gets easier :( holidays will never be the same no matter what I have in my life now, I have 2 more beautiful kids and a great husband, but there's a part of me that died with them...

user banned California 8675 posts
18th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:</b>" I am sorry you are still struggling. All I can say is I hope you find peace."</blockquote>




I agree.

Iyahna :^P Temecula, California 11365 posts
status 18th Oct '12
Quoting ~*PINUP MOMMY&WIFE*~:" Sorry for your loss but hating other kids and being jealous is not going to help you. Take it day by day. Hugs...."

Thanks.Im ashamed for me hating them at the time.I was not my self my older cousin that lived with us ended up becoming pregnant right after i had my M/c.OMG that was living hell.Im better than i was but i still get jealous looking at almost four year olds around my town.

user banned Due November 7; 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
18th Oct '12
Quoting Iyahna :^P:" Thank you so much mama<3 If i dont find peace i need to get some mental help.I cant even go throughout the day without crying.Only during this time i guess because i was expecting a xmas baby."

Ya know Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday, and come to think of it experiencing a loss during that time would reallllly throw me off. Indefinitely I am sure. It's been a long time for you, a lot of pain, and a lot of heartache. If you haven't spoken to a professional or a support group I would REALLY recommend it. You do not have to live with this hurt. You really don't. You will always have sadness but you dont have to have the extent that you do =)

user banned California 8675 posts
18th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:</b>" Ya know Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday, and come to think of it experiencing a loss during that time ... [snip!] ... have to live with this hurt. You really don't. You will always have sadness but you dont have to have the extent that you do =)"</blockquote>




So true!

Iyahna :^P Temecula, California 11365 posts
status 18th Oct '12
Quoting proudlypreggers:" I know how you feel. I lost my baby girl September 2011 to Turner Syndrome. She had passed like almost ... [snip!] ... i find it hard to be around children that couldve been my little girls age. Im sorry for your loss. PM me if youd like to

Im sorry mama.Hardest feeling anyone can ever go through.My pregnancy was not planned,the guy who i was with at the time did not give a shit about the baby turned out he lied about his age and had other kids.I was also with him 3 years and more lies and lies came out.He lied about his mothers death went to vietnam for two months for a "funereal" But was for vacation.Those factors had a lot to do with my grieving,The week when i had my child deceased inside of me i met my now fiance.We've been together 3 years and he treats me way better than that jackass did.He was there for me more than the dude baby it really was.He comforted me after the surgery bought me subway and stayed with me until i passed out.This was all the first week me knowing him.Turned out he knew my cousins in orange county later on i found out.Now we live together have two beautiful children and getting married in JULY.I should get over it because its been awhile.Idk but you should know how much it hurts,

Iyahna :^P Temecula, California 11365 posts
status 18th Oct '12
Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" I'm sorry :( I hate the holidays too... begining with october, my last finances bday is in begining ... [snip!] ... what I have in my life now, I have 2 more beautiful kids and a great husband, but there's a part of me that died with them..."

OMG you've been through alot.Im sorry.Im glad you had the heart to move on.I would be devastated if i lost my fiance.My cousins boyfriend was killed a month before she gave birth i could see the hurt and pain she went though.She did not even go to the funereal because she would break down before she would step in the driveway.She moved on her son is almost 7 and had another child 4 years ago.Keep strong mama.

Iyahna :^P Temecula, California 11365 posts
status 18th Oct '12
Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:" Ya know Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday, and come to think of it experiencing a loss during that time ... [snip!] ... have to live with this hurt. You really don't. You will always have sadness but you dont have to have the extent that you do =)"

Thanks mama.Im going to call some places that accept my insurance.Keeping it bottled inside of me until the end of the year is not working at all.I dont want feel like this.I want to have good memories and have healthy grieving.

user banned Due November 7; 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 26853 posts
18th Oct '12
Quoting Iyahna :^P:" Thanks mama.Im going to call some places that accept my insurance.Keeping it bottled inside of me until ... [snip!] ... the end of the year is not working at all.I dont want feel like this.I want to have good memories and have healthy grieving."


Definitely! I am sure your saddness is interfering with good memories during the holidays and those are some of the best to have especially with other children! I wish you the best. I know that you will overcome this with the right help =) Good luck!