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Discipline Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59183 posts
status 21st Oct '12

I'm not sure if this fits here or in parenting toddlers, since my daughter is four in December, but she's in full time junior kindergarten (I'm in Canada)



She's an all around good kid for the most part but lately she's been having awful tantrums, to the point where I'm exhausted dealing with it, I've actually given up before and let her do what she wants because it can go n for HOURS. Last night it started at 4pm and went until 11pm and she NEVER has stayed up past 8 unless she was sick.



I'm at my wits end, we have very simple rules, you go to bed at 8pm, you eat what I give you, you do what you're told and you never tell me or dad "no".



I've had almost zero issues with this for years, but since she's started school she's so exhausted when she gets home. What do I do to snap her out of these tantrums? I'd tape them but you'd wanna stab yourself listening to it. She'll throw herself on the ground and scream like she's being murdered, go limp when I pick her up.. Omg it's just... It's too much on me emotionally, and I'm really just lost.



Please give me YOUR advice, even if you think another mom will disagree, I'm just at the end of my rope.

C'sMom! 1 child; Minnesota 1263 posts
21st Oct '12

What time does she have to get up in the morning? Does she have to nap at her school?

Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 8790 posts
21st Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary Amanda:</b>" I'm not sure if this fits here or in parenting toddlers, since my daughter is four in December, but she's ... [snip!] ... really just lost. Please give me YOUR advice, even if you think another mom will disagree, I'm just at the end of my rope."</blockquote>




My friend used to get on the floor and throw a tantrum too. Her son saw how silly it looked and stopped. She seriously stopped grocery shopping to throw a tantrum with him in the store. That was the last time he did it.

Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59183 posts
status 21st Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Shari Hogan:</b>" What time does she have to get up in the morning? Does she have to nap at her school?"</blockquote>




No naps, hasn't napped since she was like.. 18 months old. And she has to get up at 6am sometimes earlier because we both work full time and her bus comes at 8:15am

* Sara * 2 kids; Texas 18864 posts
21st Oct '12

I would absolutely walk away when she does it. If you are in public, remove yourself from where y'all are at and tell her she can come talk to you when her fits are over with. My daughter will be four in December as well and this works for us well.

Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59183 posts
status 21st Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Emily :):</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary Amanda:</b>" I'm not sure if this fits here or in ... [snip!] ... and stopped. She seriously stopped grocery shopping to throw a tantrum with him in the store. That was the last time he did it."</blockquote>




This is a new idea, I'm going to definitely consider this. I'm embarrassed to admit it but I broke down with her last night, started crying and asking her why she had become so awful, I feel like a bag of shit now, trust me. But I was just at the point where I wasn't even able to gather myself.

Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 8790 posts
21st Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary Amanda:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Just Emily :):</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary ... [snip!] ... so awful, I feel like a bag of shit now, trust me. But I was just at the point where I wasn't even able to gather myself."</blockquote>




Well I mean maybe her knowing her behavior makes mommy sad isn't a bad thing.

Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59183 posts
status 21st Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting * Sara *:</b>" I would absolutely walk away when she does it. If you are in public, remove yourself from where y'all ... [snip!] ... she can come talk to you when her fits are over with. My daughter will be four in December as well and this works for us well."</blockquote>




I've done this, in fact this was my exact parenting style when her tantrums were few and far between, I'd ignore her, tell her that when she wants to be a big girl to talk to me. But now she starts trying to break stuff and hits herself, tries to pull things down on herself. So I put her in her room where she screams until I go in (it got up t 35 minutes last night, which honestly some people would consider child abuse) and when I went in she was still going strong hitting and screaming, throwing toys, almost ready to vomit from crying.

Stephanie Onyembi 2 kids; Duluth, Minnesota 1514 posts
21st Oct '12

My rules are pretty much the same as yours. I spank my 2 year old for telling me no when I tell him to do something. That is the BIGGEST no no in my house! As far as the tantrums go, don't give her an audience! She only wants the attention. If you walk away, she'll lose her audience. She'll probably follow you and try to continue. Walk away again. Just simply tell her that you don't understand what she wants and when she feels like using her words, she can come to you calmly.

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60959 posts
21st Oct '12

When our daughter throws a tantrum like that, she's told she can go sit in the bathroom where that behavior belongs. I don't have the time, or patience for that attitude out of a 4 year old (my daughter's age as well.) When she calms down (and she's gone for a few hours before as well.) she can come out. I don't know why, but it seems to motivate her to calm down when she's in there....*shrugs*



We do spank, if that isn't your thing, that's cool. I don't think it is the solve-all for kids & we don't generally use them during tantrums anyways.



Does she have some kind of "rest" period after school? Even if it isn't a nap. An hour of "quiet time" of some sort.

Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59183 posts
status 21st Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Stephanie Onyembi:</b>" My rules are pretty much the same as yours. I spank my 2 year old for telling me no when I tell him to ... [snip!] ... simply tell her that you don't understand what she wants and when she feels like using her words, she can come to you calmly."</blockquote>




I've considered spanking, I did it a few times when she was younger but it had no effect, I found putting her in her room worked better for her, just because she is SO desperate for attention. (An audience, as you put it)



Unfortunately for me, she doesn't calm down without an audience, I left her alone for thirty five minutes, that's so long. That's got to be almost CPS worthy, she didn't stop for even 5 seconds.

The Blissful Six 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Massachusetts 10260 posts
21st Oct '12
Quoting Legendary Amanda:" <blockquote><b>Quoting * Sara *:</b>" I would absolutely walk away when she does it. ... [snip!] ... abuse) and when I went in she was still going strong hitting and screaming, throwing toys, almost ready to vomit from crying."


Maybe she's just exhausted..since the fits really started after she started school. A full day of school for a almost 4 year old is a lot.
Have you tried some calming tea in the evening..maybe some sleepy time tea. Maybe create a new bedtime routine. It's tough when they get like that..there's almost nothing you can do to bring them out of it. I had a 3 year old that would throw some awful tantrums. The key is getting them stopped before they start.

Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59183 posts
status 21st Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting the grace life:</b>" When our daughter throws a tantrum like that, she's told she can go sit in the bathroom where that behavior ... [snip!] ... Does she have some kind of "rest" period after school? Even if it isn't a nap. An hour of "quiet time" of some sort. "</blockquote>




Bathroom, that's a new one. I will most definitely try this,
And girl to be honest NOTHING isn't my thing at this point, you could tell me to hog tie her and I wouldn't argue you because I am more lost than I ever thought possible.



When she gets home she gets a snack while I or her dad (whoever is home) makes dinner. She'll watch tv and everything is great, until its time to turn off the tv and take a bath or eat dinner or GOD FORBID get ready for bed.

Stephanie Onyembi 2 kids; Duluth, Minnesota 1514 posts
21st Oct '12
Quoting Legendary Amanda:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Stephanie Onyembi:</b>" My rules are pretty much the same as ... [snip!] ... left her alone for thirty five minutes, that's so long. That's got to be almost CPS worthy, she didn't stop for even 5 seconds."


I would talk to her pedi and see if he/she can recommend a child phycologist then. Something is going on in her head that's making her behave this way. And if nothing else, a child phycologist could help you by telling you how to handle it and what you can do to get it under control.

Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59183 posts
status 21st Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Blissful Six:</b>" Maybe she's just exhausted..since the fits really started after she started school. A full day of school ... [snip!] ... them out of it. I had a 3 year old that would throw some awful tantrums. The key is getting them stopped before they start."</blockquote>




I think you hit the nail on the head there. She is exhausted and she's picking up awful habits from the kids at school. She really is a wonderful kid, or she was I guess.



I asked her teacher about naps and she said there was no way to implement them because there's too many kids in her class, and if she takes a nap when she gets home, she's up all night.



How do you snap them out of it before it starts?