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NopeNotGonnaDOIt 6 kids; Cuba 3000 posts
21st Oct '12

hey, I don't really have any disciplining advice but just wanted to let you know that our daughter started j/k this year too and she is SOOO exhausted when she gets home too and has been acting out or different I guess as well. She'll get upset easier and scream. But it's not every night so we are dealing. She only goes 2 or 3 days a week though. However I have a friend in Ottawa whose daughter just started full time full days and she had been throwing tantrums in class and the school started her on half days instead of full days after a week or so. I know it won't help you if you are both working full time, but if thats an option maybe the school can adjust to her schedule so she can get a daytime nap in at least a couple times a week. I know you said she hasn't napped for awhile either but ya never know. Has she talked to you about school at all? Does she like it?

C'sMom! 1 child; Minnesota 1263 posts
22nd Oct '12
Quoting The Blissful Six:" Maybe she's just exhausted..since the fits really started after she started school. A full day of school ... [snip!] ... them out of it. I had a 3 year old that would throw some awful tantrums. The key is getting them stopped before they start."


I think she is exhausted too. These are some great ideas.

* Sara * 2 kids; Texas 18864 posts
22nd Oct '12
Quoting Legendary Amanda:" <blockquote><b>Quoting * Sara *:</b>" I would absolutely walk away when she does it. ... [snip!] ... abuse) and when I went in she was still going strong hitting and screaming, throwing toys, almost ready to vomit from crying."



You are doing the best you can. Just remember that. It's most likely a stage she will grow out of and if she doesn't get the attention she wants, she will realize that it's not getting her anywhere.

Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59190 posts
status 22nd Oct '12

Today was much better, MUCH, better.



I made up a little chart in PS it has a picture for brushing her teeth, getting dressed, doing her hair, putting pajamas on, going to bed, eating dinner and etc.. the morning and night time routines in the rows, and the days of the week in the columns. Then I bought a bunch of small princess stickers and each time we successfully complete a task without a tantrum she gets a sticker.



So this morning we had a flip out over doing her hair because I snagged it when brushing and she had a melt down. I told her I needed her to relax because I wanted to give her a sticker but I couldn't finish her hair unless she let me. She says to me "I can't calm down, I don't know how" which she's said before but I took it to heart today and asked her why she couldn't calm down and she said it was because she was upset that it was hurting her and she wanted to go to school with messy hair instead of having it pulled.



I told her that I needed to do her hair because I wanted it to be out of her face so she could play all day and if she would sit still it would be over in no time. We finished and she didn't get her sticker because of the flip out, BUT every task after that (Brushing her teeth, putting on her shoes and coat, packing her back pack) went smooth as could be and each time she ran over to the fridge and put the star on the spot.



When her dad got home tonight she explained the chart to him and he asked why she didn't have a sticker for doing her hair, she told him "I had some trouble but I'll do better tomorrow and I'll get a sticker!"




I'm f**king stunned.

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 60979 posts
22nd Oct '12
Quoting Legendary Amanda:" Today was much better, MUCH, better. I made up a little chart in PS it has a picture for brushing her ... [snip!] ... doing her hair, she told him "I had some trouble but I'll do better tomorrow and I'll get a sticker!" I'm f**king stunned. "


That's wonderful!

Stephanie Onyembi 2 kids; Duluth, Minnesota 1514 posts
22nd Oct '12
Quoting Legendary Amanda:" Today was much better, MUCH, better. I made up a little chart in PS it has a picture for brushing her ... [snip!] ... doing her hair, she told him "I had some trouble but I'll do better tomorrow and I'll get a sticker!" I'm f**king stunned. "


YAAAYYY!!! :D That's so awesome! Happy it's working out for you!!!

Legendary Due August 27 (boy); 1 child; Beverly Hills, California 59190 posts
status 22nd Oct '12

Thanks guys, right now it's really new and she's trying really hard. I'm afraid the novelty will wear off, but then I guess I'll have to be creative again with something new.

The Blissful Six 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Massachusetts 10260 posts
23rd Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary Amanda:</b>" Today was much better, MUCH, better. I made up a little chart in PS it has a picture for brushing her ... [snip!] ... doing her hair, she told him "I had some trouble but I'll do better tomorrow and I'll get a sticker!" I'm f**king stunned. "</blockquote>




That's awesome!

user banned 3 kids; Ontario 10942 posts
23rd Oct '12

DD is 4 and just started school this year too. When she gets home she is happy and excited to tell me her day, and super hyper lol



Most kids get really tired and are just so exhausted they dont know what to do with themselfes kwim?



My oldest was like that, and what I did was as soon as she came home from school, I had a snack and juice ready for her to have while she drew me pictures of what happened at school that day, while I made dinner.
Trying to avoid any situation where her emotions would get the best of her, to even get a chance to have a fit. She once started a fit at 3pm and didnt stop till 3am when she was about 4 yrs old. It was aweful.



But once we got into a home from school routine, it got better and then stopped completely in about 2 months or so. Maybe try a after school routine. I found that dd just missed me all day long and when she would get home I was busy doing dinner and dishes etc...that I had to stop and take the time to sit with her and show her the one on one attention that she was missing from me.

usernametx Texas 19750 posts
26th Oct '12
Quoting Just Ames:" My Son knows I will not sit and watch him flop around and act crazy. He is carried to his room in which ... [snip!] ... ever. He will sit on his bed and sob as if he got the spanking of his life but we do not spank him. He hates being isolated."


Doesn't that show you how detrimental it is and make you stop?! Knowing that a child's most basic innate need is for unconditional love and loving attention... so you use your parental love as a tool to manipulate behaviour by removing your love (as that is how young kids perceive it) to force him to do what you want (ie "behave" in a way you deem loveable and acceptable) so he stops. Wouldn't you rather look at the cause of his problem, teach him how to self regulate (with skills, rather than being feared out of it with forced isolation), and teach him how to deal with the problem in the first place that caused the overwhelming emotion (aka tantrum 'flip flopping and screaming'). I know it's more work than just shutting the door.. but surely for his emotional development and learning in general.. that's what our job as parents is?
I just get confused at going through the isolation and seeing the distress and why it works, and coming to the conclusion "this is the right thing to do". I get confused at people thinking this is successful and it being a happy stopping point and something to continue doing and even advise others on.

usernametx Texas 19750 posts
26th Oct '12
Quoting Legendary Amanda:" Today was much better, MUCH, better. I made up a little chart in PS it has a picture for brushing her ... [snip!] ... doing her hair, she told him "I had some trouble but I'll do better tomorrow and I'll get a sticker!" I'm f**king stunned. "


I'm glad it was a better day for you :) You may find that stickers will lose their merit though, due to the way they work. They can learn quickly the sticker is being used to coerce them and can just turn around and say 'who cares'.. they know it's something being done 'to' them rather than working together sincerely/equally. It's the being respectful and explaining things and talking to work out the problem together that is effective and what makes it 'work' in the long run. That is what builds the relationship and does the teaching. Knowing they have the opportunity to explain why something is hard (eg like it hurts) and that they will genuinely be listened too (ie rather than - do as you're told and don't express otherwise).. and knowing they'll have the open dialogue to problem solve ( ie i'm sorry it hurts. This is why we need to do it. What other ways could we go about this). The open communication and working together is so much better than just 'rule = do as you're told', it's really good to see it working for you in practice the positive effects snowball as the old mentality and power battles lose their place :)

user banned Brisbane, Australia 16 posts
26th Oct '12

We had a similar problem with our toddler visit my website www.keepingmytoddlerentertained.com and read my about me page. We turned our little terror into a delight in just a few months. Good Luck!