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Did I read too much into this? Buzz and Almond Joys momm 2 kids; Albuquerque, New Mexico 12593 posts
22nd Oct '12

A fb friend of mine was posting about her sons (5 yrs) issues with sound and his school saying they needed to find a new school for behavior and such. So a lady "S" replies this.
It is so hard to be a single parent (even though you are married). I realize you are doing what you need to do with seeking help through other means "Occupational Therapy, APS special therapist and through church." Please know that unless "all" of these "means" agree with one another and back up each other your efforts will be for nothing. It is sooooo hard to stay on top of the responsibilities you face being a mom and a dad. Fighting the fatigue of once....again...dealing with the same...old....issue(s) is so very weary. Pray about where/what the Lord will have you do? In your quiet :0) Listen to what the Lord says to you. Stay consistent with what you decide?! Stay consistent when you have to discipline any behavior. Teach your son that there are consequences for negative behavior and teach your son that there is praise for positive behavior. I decided years ago when we have to discipline we will still love on them. Hate the sin. Love the child. As a parent "YOU....WILL...NEED" to get over the emotion that comes with whatever you have just had to deal with. You cannot hold a grudge. Once a sin is dealt with move on. I have found that when my people think they have upset me, often times they will continue that behavior until they know I'm over being upset with them. The same goes for praise. Acknowledge when he does good...."Hey thanks for being so good today." or "Wow! I'm so proud of you!" Thanks for listening to me!" Children are pleasers! K...I say this NOT to offend you. When you set your heart. Your mind will follow and then your actions. When you love unconditionally your A will know it. Our children have a way of knowing us, as well as we know them. What you put out or in this case into Him? Is what you will get out of him. I simply share my heart and understand the season you are in. Often times parents give up and into what others can do for their child(ren) because they get tired. This guy Ryan up above (Sorry Ryan I'm not trying to offend you by any means) probably didn't need meds. Just parents who invested time in him. I love each and everyone of my children and I chose to have them. My season with each of them is so short. Your season with A is the same. God's intent for us/you as a parent was never meant to burden you. "Children truly are a blessing from the Lord" Enjoy being who YOU were called to be. Make your son a delight not a duty. Wow! I just wrote you a book



I found it some what disrespectful in that it sounded like she was in a sense questioning the parenting. (My husband did too)



So I replied:



S do you have a child that requires extra needs? Have you studied any of this? Telling a mother that when she truly loves her child the behavior will cease to exist ( please correct me if that is not what you meant) is very dangerous waters. It is hurtful and unloving. Telling a man that he did not need meds ( do you know if he is still on them?) is very ignorant when you do not know his history or specific situation. I agree se needs to be with God in this, but her parenting and love are not what needed to be questioned here. More often mothers need comfort and support. Please correct me if this not what you meant



Tamara I read your message and am truly sad that I offended you. Please forgive me? As a momma of 10. I have had to learn each and everyone of my children and their "special" need(s). I know that A behavior will not cease to exist. Sin in the heart of a child does not cease to exist ever, not even in "us" does it go away, not until our Lord calls us home anyway. Here is my quote from up above "This guy Ryan up above (Sorry Ryan I'm not trying to offend you by any means) probably didn't need meds." Taking into account that "I DO NOT KNOW RYAN?" the last of my comment was this "probably didn't need meds" Your quote "her parenting and love are not what needed to be questioned here." I WAS NOT QUESTIONING HER PARENTING AT ALL. I was sharing where I have been and what I have done as a mother. I know what it is like to be a single parent. I also know what it is like to have a child with special needs. I know what it is like to be stretched and YES. have gleaned from the women who have come around me and shown love and support.



SO I did respond just now:
S I guess the reason it sounded like you were questioning her parenting is because you mention discipline in a manner that sounds like "If you are consistent or praise him that will solve your behavior issue." (like she is not disciplining A enough or appropriately) Then mentioning that(direct quote) "When you love unconditionally your A will know it. Our children have a way of knowing us, as well as we know them. What you put out or in this case into Him? Is what you will get out of him." It sounds like you do not love him right or enough because she is getting out negative behavior. The only reason I really mentioned Ryan is that you said, "probably didn't need meds. Just parents who invested time in him." is that it sounds like 2 things. Ryan's parents did not spend enough time on him and that K is getting the behavior because she is not investing in A enough. I did ask a fellow friend and husband (I cut out your name for privacy) to see if they perceived your message the same way, and both did. (Not saying it is what you meant, but that is how it can be perceived) I hope this clarifies why I felt you were questioning her parenting in the situation. I would be happy to discuss this more with you in a PM if you would like to further discuss this. (Don't want to turn her thread in to a D/D lol)



Di d I read way too much into this. I was trying to be kind with this, but at midnight it made me furious! May be a post n run

That girl Amber +2 2 kids; California 6981 posts
22nd Oct '12

She sounds like a quack.

Buzz and Almond Joys momm 2 kids; Albuquerque, New Mexico 12593 posts
22nd Oct '12
Quoting Amberchik78:" She sounds like a quack."


Ok, so it was not just me. I felt "pray the gay away" the entire time. ( Yes, I believe prayer is vital, but not going to be a fix all)

homes cool TTC since May 2014; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 61358 posts
22nd Oct '12
Quoting Amberchik78:" She sounds like a quack."


Yep.



Goodness.

JamieP 3 kids; Newnan, Georgia 2063 posts
22nd Oct '12

Ugh I've had my fair share of experiences with people like this due to my special needs son. This view hurts more children than he helps because it prevents many children from getting help they need.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
22nd Oct '12

Sounds like a fucking nut.I would have been pretty rude if she said that shit to my friend.

Zbornak 1 child; Moncton, New Brunswick 2688 posts
22nd Oct '12
Quoting Amberchik78:" She sounds like a quack."


:!: lol this is what I was thinking. I couldn't even get through it.



Are these conversations taking place publicly on facebook? That is weird to me lol. I never see this kind of stuff on my facebook.

Buzz and Almond Joys momm 2 kids; Albuquerque, New Mexico 12593 posts
22nd Oct '12
Quoting Zbornak:" :!: lol this is what I was thinking. I couldn't even get through it. Are these conversations taking ... [snip!] ... these conversations taking place publicly on facebook? That is weird to me lol. I never see this kind of stuff on my facebook."


Yeah! It's all on her posts. That is why I mentioned bringing it to a pm so my friend does not have to read all of that.
I was livid last night. My husband was very mean in the response he wanted to give

Buzz and Almond Joys momm 2 kids; Albuquerque, New Mexico 12593 posts
22nd Oct '12

Omgosh people are calling this lady wise! After this lady just told me we need to agree to disagree. But she has not clarified what she meant- does she think the mom is at fault or not. Can't agree to disagree until I know.