Quoting Amanda Schumann:" My SD is spoiled, her father and I are the only ones who enforce rules, her mother never makes her do ... [snip!] ... her, but her mother tells her that im evil, and that i hate her, and im the reason her mommy and daddy arent together anymore. "
I really think she needs some one on one time with you. She probably feels "replaced" and if somebody is constantly getting after her for doing something wrong, that just makes it worse. Have a little "date" with just you and her.
Quoting lilredsmurfy:" Did you take your ECE course too? Lol terminology nazi. Please go on and tell the OP the appropriate ... [snip!] ... slapping her son in the face. "Lucy, that hurts Tommy. Can you see that Tommy is hurt? Please use your gentle hands on Tommy.""
Close, in 7 more weeks I'll have my degree in early childhood studies, the first year incorporated a lot of the ECE stuff though, so when I graduate I'll have a diploma in ECE but a 4 year degree in Childhood Studies, it's a two for one kinda deal :) Ahhhhh....cannot wait, I really should be working on my 200 page portfolio report right now, but always seem to space out over her :(
Quoting Momma x 2:" Close, in 7 more weeks I'll have my degree in early childhood studies, the first year incorporated a ... [snip!] ... wait, I really should be working on my 200 page portfolio report right now, but always seem to space out over her :("
It's a fun course. I got my ECE license last year. Best job ever.
Quoting lilredsmurfy:" It's a fun course. I got my ECE license last year. Best job ever."
Yeah, I've been working in the school board with the full-day learning program and it's been great....I just need to hurry up with these last few assignments and official apply for a full time position, right now I'm only supply b/c of school but my goal is to get in with the union and take advantage of 6 hour work days, full benefits and all school holidays and summers off....AHHHHHH I cannot wait!!!
Quoting lilredsmurfy:" It's a fun course. I got my ECE license last year. Best job ever."
Did you take the one or two year course for that? B/C where I live it's usually 2 years at the colleges, But at University they incorporate into a one year intensive and then 3 more years for the degree (but you still get the ECE diploma as well)
Could you try a reward/sticker chart to make chores more bearable for her? I think you have to try and see things from her point of view - i am not however giving her any excuses for hitting or not listening, I'm just saying try and understand how drastically her life has changed lately. She has 2 new siblings, a new mommy, and i'm assuming a new daddy. She is probably acting out for attention and because she doesn't know how to cope with all the change. Make chores fun for her, she's only 5 so she doesn't get its her duty to do it. Being the stepmom is hard. I have 2 stepsons and trust me, the first couple years were a nightmare. DH and I also have a daughter 2 years ago and i noticed a lot of behavioral changes. Try your best to bond with her, don't try to be her friend.... be her parent but try and make that connection with her. She has to learn to respect you as an adult and parent figure, but you also want her to come to you when she needs something or wants to talk (especially when she gets older). I can relate that being the stepmom is especially hard when you don't get along with their mother and she is saying horrible things about you - this happened to me in the beginning. However since then I have a great relationship with Dh's ex wife and i speak to her more about the kids than he does. Could you try and go that route? Swallow your pride and try to make nice? I had too.... i only did bc of my the boys. I couldn't take the stress anymore - we had 2 different households with 2 different rules and things weren't consistent from house to house which can be very confusing for a child. Since we communicate now, we have agreed on punishments & privileges and it is sooo much better for the boys now. I mean, imagine your SD going from house to house and the rules aren't consistent? Of course she's gonna act out. She likes having no rules at her mom's house! I would start there - if your DH doesn't want to speak to her, you might as well. You are going to be in that little girl's life for many years, as well as her mother's. I sucked it up & now looking back I am so glad I did. I can call her, text her and she helps us and we help her. It is a rare & unique relationship we all have, and the fact that we are all in sync and work together helps so much!
We have tried to talk to her mother, and its like talking to a brick wall, she says "i'll raise her how i want, if you dont like it, oh well deal with it" this woman is a complete b***h, this past weekend my SD threw a 2 hour fit screaming at the top of her lungs saying she wanted her mom, so we called her mom to try to calm SD down, and her mother ended up yelling at us because we interrupted her dinner she was having with her husband. That right there pissed me off, if my children need me for any reason, i'll be there, i dont care if im having dinner the the president and hes offering to give me 100 million dollars, if my kids need me, i'll be by there side "sorry mr. president, gotta go" ya know, but she acted like she didnt care, that she had more important things to do. This is the type of woman that we haft to deal with every day....she yells at my husband cuz he doesnt go to any of my SD school functions and parent teacher conferences, but SD lives 2 1/2 hours away and hubby is always working. My SD has surgery 2 years ago, and she would not let me to go the hospital to see SD.....she hates me, and i did nothing wrong, i got with hubby after they had be broken up for 6 months and she was already dating someone else.....shes called my daughter and my boys ugly....stuff like that, so trying to work things out with her is out of the question.
My heart goes out to you, Amanda and I am glad that you've reached out to connect with other moms regarding your SD. It sounds like things have been pretty rough these past few months. You are probably right that your SD is feeling a little displaced with DH and you having a new baby.
The blending of families is a particularly challenging task, marked by its own typical set of problems and frustrations. There are no easy answers. I just wanted to share a couple of thoughts with you.
I believe that DH as the biological parent needs to be the one to discipline his daughter in both a loving and firm way -- even though as the stepparent, you are more likely to see the household situation more clearly. You might need to take a step back and realize that taking a position of authority is rarely effective. I can see that you are like me, and want there to be order in the house. As it was mentioned by several others, just making a heart entry into your SD's life may be the most positive strategy. It seems that she needs someone to be there in her corner. It takes time too for the dynamics of blended families to work through various stages. I can vouch through experience that these difficulties tend to diminish over time.
If you like to read, there are two books that provide some advice that may be beneficial to both hubby and you as you walk through this season. I heard about them through Focus on the Family. The titles are "Smart Stepfamily" by Ron Deal and "Blended Families" by Maxine Marsolini. Hang in there!
Know that your family is in my prayers. Blessings!
OMG your story is the exact same as mine i can't even believe it.. i wanna cry just knowing im not the only one.. It gets better i promise i went through the same thing we had babies around the same time my SD acted up so bad.. And now finally 15 months later it isn't as bad.. Just keep up what your doing and im sure she'll adjust to the new babies.. as far as the 2 different types of parenting that is something we are still dealing with.. so if u have a stubborn baby mama then you just might have to deal.
Wow who would think I'd be searching topics on here and I find this... How many times are you going to hide behind your computer talking bad about me? Jez girl I'm married now and have a child with my husband and its been almost 3 years since we broke up and you are still going on with this crap. To a bunch of total strangers non the less. And what is with these lies? Not that it matters any more but you guys got together the day after we broke up and when the heck did I ever call your children ugly? I don't even know what your daughter looks like and I meet your sons once, I don't even know who is who. So when did this heck did that happen? Did some one tell you I said that because I don't talk to people about your kids, I don't care. I'm sure they are cute kids, but if you or Ray have a problem then you should take it with me ask me about not wine about it on the Internet like a child. Maria also has a bed time here she goes to bed at 8 on school nights IN HER BED IN HER OWN ROOM and 9 on weekends and when school is out. And yes she went through a phase with wanting to color on the walls like most kids but she has grown out of that and I make her do stuff here to. Believe it or not my house is spotless every day and your welcome to randomly stop by at anytime to see it if you don't believe me. Or you can ask my husband and our family. We require our
Kids to help out here, well Isabella is only 10 months but once she is older she will have to clean up after her self too. We are an old fashion Christian family it's like 50s in our hose so Maria is well taken care of here. Now as for that night with the belt thing. When Ray called me I was on my Annaversary dinner with my husband. So yes we where both less then placed at my ex boyfriend called in the middle of it however once I realized she wanted to come and was crying. I tired to help and told her she had to stay there but she didn't want too. Ill have you know I was welling to stop my Annaversary and drive 2 hours to pick up my child because that's how much I love her. I wasn't mad Ray called at first my husband was, you can't tell me you wouldn't be mad if I called Ray in the middle of your Annaversary? Heck you probably freak out and post about on the Internet. It be something "that fat b**** called and ruined out Annaversary." Anyway the person I was mad at is Andrea not Ray I'm sorry I don't feel like talking my ex boyfriends mother on my Annaversary most people wouldn't. Unless it was some emergency which it wasn't with her. In way yes it was with Ray. Now about this belt crap since you use every excuses to make look bad to bust your own ego then I'm listening to my daughter who says you have hit her belt. To be totally honest Amanda I talked to her about it I sat her down and I told her I want the truth. She said you did it once, all the other times she got in trouble she gets put in time out. I'm not sure what she told my husband you would have to ask him. If I'm such a horrible person then I did I try to help with the problem? Ray and I had adult to adult civil convo about that and when Steven said something to to him I told Ray to not worry about it because I wasn't worried about it. I never said you hit her with a belt my husband did. It is possible he messed understood her idk I wasn't there when they talked about it. As for me yelling at Ray about not going to her school stuff ok well yes that has happen off and in since we broke up but I think he could try more however there are two sides to every story. Now as for all other crap about when we broke up, ok that was almost 3 years ago and we both are married to other people and have children with those people. The past is the past who the heck cares? Really? I am happy and married to a wonderful man who I love deeply so I careless about all the other crap. If I can move on then why can you? Your my daughters step mother you are a part if her life and this shouldn't be how it is between us. Why can't all just get all long? There is no drama expect the stuff you and Andrea created in your heads. I barely talk to Ray anymore and that's kind of how I should be. I think you need to ask your self why you have to make me look bad? And lie even? Amanda look to your own life and I will mine. It's really sad that grown women can't learn to love a child more then they hate someone. I wish you to the best in life