Reply
what do I tell her ? C A R M E L A💜 1 child; Mahopac, New York 16272 posts
25th Oct '12

My daughters father got arrested on her 3rd birthday :cry:
I know, it's really sad



well, his next court date is Dec 19 & he's probably not going to get out.



he missed her birthday & he's going to miss Halloween, Thanksgiving & Christmas..what do I tell my innocent daughter where her daddy is ?



All I tell her now, is that he's working, but that's not going to work forever.

Sophia's Mommy♥ 1 child; Hollywood, Florida 10163 posts
25th Oct '12

My BD was in prison most of DD's life and is now completely absent. When she'd ask about him I'd tell her that he works very far away and she wouldn't ask anything further. She stopped asking eventually.

✿LilyBear09✿ 1 child; Oregon 5006 posts
25th Oct '12

Sorry you are going though this. I found this online, and thought it might be helpful.



http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2011/02/10-questions-asked-children-parents-prison.html

*beck-i* {JAS08} 3 kids; Prattsburgh, New York 4778 posts
25th Oct '12

I just told my son what was going on becuase his dad has been in and out of prision/jail his whole life. He talked about it at first now he just does not even bring it up.

Funny Feminist 1 child; Japan 59 posts
25th Oct '12

I wouldn't lie. My mom lied to me about a few things and when I found out she did it I was pissed and rebellious during my teenage years. I know *now* she did it to protect me but I was still mad regardless. I think saying that "daddy did something bad and now he can't be with you right now, but I think he would want to be here" would suffice and not be lying. Perhaps ask him what he wants you to say?

*beck-i* {JAS08} 3 kids; Prattsburgh, New York 4778 posts
25th Oct '12
Quoting Funny Feminist:" I wouldn't lie. My mom lied to me about a few things and when I found out she did it I was pissed and ... [snip!] ... you right now, but I think he would want to be here" would suffice and not be lying. Perhaps ask him what he wants you to say? "


I agree... I think the truth is the best for them but depending on the situation... I mean my son knows that his dad is an alcoholic and drinks and drives and he knows it is bad and that is why his dad keeps ending up where he is... I have never lied to him about it... if he ever ask questions about it we would just sit down and talk it out

C A R M E L A💜 1 child; Mahopac, New York 16272 posts
25th Oct '12
Quoting Funny Feminist:" I wouldn't lie. My mom lied to me about a few things and when I found out she did it I was pissed and ... [snip!] ... you right now, but I think he would want to be here" would suffice and not be lying. Perhaps ask him what he wants you to say? "


I haven't spoken to him since the day, he got arrested.



he can't get long distance from jail

Sophia's Mommy♥ 1 child; Hollywood, Florida 10163 posts
25th Oct '12

Ehh, I'd understand if the child was older but I wouldn't tell my 3 year old that "Daddy is in prison because he sells drugs" or whatever he's done. Then they ask what is prison, what are drugs, etc. Not something a 3 year old needs to know about, IMO.

✿LilyBear09✿ 1 child; Oregon 5006 posts
25th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" Ehh, I'd understand if the child was older but I wouldn't tell my 3 year old that "Daddy is in prison ... [snip!] ... or whatever he's done. Then they ask what is prison, what are drugs, etc. Not something a 3 year old needs to know about, IMO."</blockquote>



Telling the truth is the best answer. Just tell it in an age appropriate way. Kids have a way of imagining things way worse then they are. When they have the facts, it helps them sort through things, and ask the questions they need to. My daughters uncle died this summer, and I told her the truth through the whole process. She is also 3. Telling her the truth was the best thing I could have done.

Sophia's Mommy♥ 1 child; Hollywood, Florida 10163 posts
25th Oct '12
Quoting ✿LilyBear09✿:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" Ehh, I'd understand if the child ... [snip!] ... and I told her the truth through the whole process. She is also 3. Telling her the truth was the best thing I could have done."


I still think "Daddy is working far away" is better than "Daddy is in jail because he sells drugs". At least at 3 years old anyway.

✿LilyBear09✿ 1 child; Oregon 5006 posts
25th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" I still think "Daddy is working far away" is better than "Daddy is in jail because he sells drugs". At least at 3 years old anyway."</blockquote>



The child will find the truth out someday, and know you lied. I would personally tell my child that dad got into some trouble, and when adults get into trouble they sometimes have to go to jail. I would tell her what jail is, and explain anything else she may want to know. The link I posted was exactly the way I would go about handling this issue.



OP, I hope you find a way that works best for you and your daughter. My dad was also in and out of jail. My thoughts are with you!

C A R M E L A💜 1 child; Mahopac, New York 16272 posts
25th Oct '12
Quoting ✿LilyBear09✿:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" I still think "Daddy is working ... [snip!] ... hope you find a way that works best for you and your daughter. My dad was also in and out of jail. My thoughts are with you!"


I honestly, don't think she will understand what jail is...

Sophia's Mommy♥ 1 child; Hollywood, Florida 10163 posts
25th Oct '12
Quoting Zombie_Girls *:" I honestly, don't think she will understand what jail is..."


And if she asks? What about if she asks what drugs are? Do you want your 3 year old going around telling people "my daddy is in jail because he sells drugs?"



I'm all for telling your kids the truth, I'm not saying lie to them, I'm just saying that I think 3 is to young to know about jail and drugs and all that. That's just an example though.



When it comes down to it, you know what's best for your child, so tell her what you think is best.

Sophia's Mommy♥ 1 child; Hollywood, Florida 10163 posts
25th Oct '12
Quoting ☾BizzyBee♉:" Don't say it like that. "Daddy is in jail because he did something really bad." Simple and age appropriate."


Yeah.