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PPD almost 5 months lateru Momma Squishy of 3.5 19 kids; Iowa 13929 posts
29th Oct '12

JFC.. Thought I skipped having it with this one.
I've never had thoughts of self harm, or harming my kids, so I tend to just ignore my depression..
I work 5-6 days a week, overnight.
I come home at 6:30am, wake up DH.
Make a pot of coffee, get him ready for work, he leaves at 7.
Kids wake up about 7-ish, make them breakfast.
I stay awake till 6:30pm, when DH comes home, then on rare days, I sleep till 10 then get ready for work.
I purposefully work nights so we don't pay for childcare, but god dammit..
I'm tired. Emotionally drained. But I'm a master of hiding my emotions. DH has no clue of my severe depression, I'm in full "Mommy mode" around my kids (I never let them see me cry, or sad), and once I'm at work, I'm in my customer service mode.
I struggle most days to even talk outloud. I'd much rather just be silent.. But I can't not talk to my kids, sing to my baby, talk to customers, and my husband, so I speak.. it's hollow though..
I'm hoping this goes away soon, I'm tired of being a robot.

.Solange. 1 child; Montreal, 5566 posts
29th Oct '12

Unfortunately, it won't go away if you're severly depressed. You have to get help for this, or it will only get worse. Seems to me like you're an awesome mommy, awesome wife, awesome employee, but no where does it say you take care of yourself. I think it is crutial that you start taking care of yourself and your depression, you deserve it.