Reply
Does having children before marriage ... The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
30th Oct '12

... Even if you're with a long term partner make you trash?
Ive sern in a lot of social media/forums recently women who aren't married before having kids ... No matter their age or financial status ... Being called trash. s this a common way of thinking? Do you think like this and why?

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 14994 posts
30th Oct '12

Absolutely not. I've still never been married and I have 3 kids. Even before I had kids, I didn't think being married was a requirement. It doesn't make a woman trashy to me. What makes them trashy is if they have a bunch of them and don't care for them. Same for men. Some people just don't believe in getting married, so I wouldn't call them trash because they choose to have children.

Nathan Young 2 kids; Syracuse, New York 57578 posts
30th Oct '12

I think it's a very common way of thinking.




Hell. Even my BF thinks it's not the "right way" to do it. Personally--- I couldn't give a hoot. A long term relationship is no different than a marriage, in terms of the relationship itself, and both can end.

Monsieur Tastybutt TTC since Jul 2011; 2 kids; Oklahoma 426 posts
30th Oct '12

I don't think they are trash.

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 15769 posts
30th Oct '12

Not at all.



I think it is those who did get married before having children's ego coming out. Someone just bashed me on it yesterday for it. :/

lexi & #2's mumma Due January 9; 1 child; Perth, Australia 1165 posts
30th Oct '12

I don't think so, marriage is a piece of paper. I wasn't married when I had Alexandra, I'm still not but we are engaged. Its just a personal choice everyone will have a different opinion on the subject.

user banned 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
30th Oct '12

I don't think I am trash. :/ I have been in a committed relationship with the same person since I was 16 years old. We have two children now, just not married.

drunk faith1 1 child; Alabama 10081 posts
30th Oct '12

That's ridiculous.

killingbird 5evr 2 kids; 1 angel baby; North Carolina 10125 posts
30th Oct '12

No way. I got pregnant three times by my husband before we got married. I'm not trashy.



I know a few families with unwed parents who are happy and strong and close with each other. Which is more than I can say for a lot of married couples.



I think getting married because you feel like you have to for the kids sake is trashier than not getting married at all.

MiniVanMafiaMom 67 kids; Newton, North Carolina 538 posts
30th Oct '12

i think that a majority of people have been taught that you should have children after marriage, and so when they see someone that does have children before marriage they dont like it. those people did not have the same life situations, and should not judge. i had all of my children out of wedlock. am i proud of it? no im not. in a perfect world i would have found my husband the first time...but i didnt. thats something i have to deal with, not a stranger that has no idea. some people dont have the opportunity to make the mistakes other make when younger, and so they genuinely dont understand how someone could let something like that happen. but those same people are usually the ones that have been married for years for the wrong reasons and are unhappy with the marriage that they are only staying in for the kids. i would rather have a child and then find out that their father is a dick and peace out than to marry a guy, have a kid and then find out he is a dick. divorces are expensive.

The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
30th Oct '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" Absolutely not. I've still never been married and I have 3 kids. Even before I had kids, I didn't think ... [snip!] ... for men. Some people just don't believe in getting married, so I wouldn't call them trash because they choose to have children."</blockquote>



I have been called trash or something similar now three times in the last week because SO and I aren't married. It doesn't seem to matter that ee've been together 10 years, legal defacto (sort of like a civil partnership) for 8, boyh have careers, own our own house/cars, and i didn't get prdgnant til 28. Somehow a married 20 year old with three kids living off welfare has the right to look down at me for not being married.

Lauren ∆ TTC since Jun 2013; 2 kids; Darlington, United Kingdom 7077 posts
30th Oct '12

No not at all, thats a very outdated viewpoint imo.

Dude, you Fugly! 18 kids; Winston-Salem, North Carolina 19869 posts
30th Oct '12

I think you can have a strong commitment without a ring and paper involved. However, if you or the man has several baby mamas/daddies, then I think that is kinda trashy. When I found out I was pregnant with my first, with my ex-husband he wanted to go ahead and get married because he thought it was the right thing to do, I refused. I don't want marriage JUST because a child is involved and they think it's the right thing to do. I want it because that's what they want... if that makes any sense.

Commander Shepard 18 kids; Jacksonville, Florida 6447 posts
30th Oct '12

I am the epitome of trash then! I got pregnant with DD in my "party" phase of life. Hardly in a committed relationship, drunk every day.



I think someone is "trash" when they have children and live "trashy" lifestyles after their kids are born. I straightened my shit up and grew up.

user banned 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
30th Oct '12
Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" Absolutely not. I've still never been ... [snip!] ... 28. Somehow a married 20 year old with three kids living off welfare has the right to look down at me for not being married."

Yeah, that is fucked up!!



People are always pressuring us to just go get married. But, we don't want too.. lol