An acquaintance of mine is freaking out because her son was sent home from pre-school today. Our sons go to the same school, which is a Special needs/ standard mixed school. When she told me the story I said I couldn't agree with her less, and she flipped out on me.
Her and her family don't celebrate Halloween. This is the first year her son is in pre-school, he will be 5 in November.
Like most, the school had a Halloween party. The paper that was sent home said that if a child's family didn't wish the child to participate, then the child did not have to attend that day and it would not count as an absence.
Well, she decided to send him any way. The paper had also stated that every child in attendance HAD to be in the parade (exceptions of walking disabilities) because there was no back-up to watch non participating children. So her son was the only kid parading without a costume. He said it made him feel bad.
The problem started right after this. Any time anyone asked him why he wasn't wearing a costume, he was trained to answer with "Because Halloween is Satan's holiday and anyone who celebrates is going to hell."
He said this to quite a few kids before he was stopped. And unfortunately he said it to mostly special needs children... one of whom ended up being inconsolable.
So, his mom was asked to come pick him up, and he was not permitted to join the class for the rest of the party. (She told the principal she would not tell him to stop saying it, and would encourage the truth. If she had told him to stop, he would have been permitted to stay.)
She thinks it's his right to say what he said, everyone else disagrees. I figure, if my son tells another child she smells like rotten eggs- he gets in trouble... even if he does, in fact, believe she smells.
What do you think?
If she trained him to say that then she should have expected him to get sent home. Is the non halloween a religious thing??
I think .. regardless of him being right or wrong... not allowing him to say it.... technically.. not allowing him to express freedom of speech was wrong.
I'd have flipped my shit too.
that said... I woudlnt' be too happy either if my kid was told he was going tohell by another student. It's sorta a no win situation.
the school.... should have someone available as backup if they are going to celebrate a holiday and there are kids not participating. Makinghim leave school is not acceptable
wow oiy lol thats all i can say
Quoting I can see you:" I think .. regardless of him being right or wrong... not allowing him to say it.... technically.. not ... [snip!] ... backup if they are going to celebrate a holiday and there are kids not participating. Makinghim leave school is not acceptable"
That's what I thought at first, but the school has a load of laws written out because most of the children attending have an IEP. One of which is something along the line sof... a child who is deliberately upsetting or harassing another child can be dismissed from classroom activities, unless the behavior is noted in the child's IEP. They pulled that part of school agreement. I just don't agree he was being deliberate... he was told what to say.
The after party was "Autumn" themed, so children were allowed to come in after the parade, out of costume.
That's what made me kind of "eeeh..."
Quoting Misty Walls:" If she trained him to say that then she should have expected him to get sent home. Is the non halloween a religious thing??"
It's not for her, but it is for her husband. And they believe in the "men over women" deal, so she does what he says.
I feel like she's being pretty selfish if she couldn't atleast show up and tell her son that it hurts peoples feelings to tell them they're going to hell and that even though their family has their own beliefs, sometimes you have to not say anything if you have nothing nice to say.
She's a selfish mother and she sounds ridiculous. I assume your child is celebrating Halloween, so does she think you and your family are going to hell? Does she really think every child in that Halloween parade is going to hell? If she didn't agree with her son celebrating the holiday she most certainly should have kept him home like any sensible mother would do. Instead she set her child up for a horrible day and hurt a bunch of other children.
Expressing your beliefs is one thing, having your 5 yr old child purposely hurt other children's feelings is completely different. Everyone has their own right to their own opinion and in return 5 year olds also have the right to not be told they are going to hell over a costume. I think the mom was totally out of line to put her 5 year old in the middle of it all and in a sense outcast him from the rest of the kids. I mean really, who out there would want their kids playing with this kid now that you know what kind of things the mom is filling his head with and telling him to say to other children. Its a terrible situation for all the kids including the one who said it.
I think the preschool was wrong for having the party in the first place. But she was wrong to tell her child to say that to other kids.
My kids school goes by class, if everyone in the class celebrates it, they have a party. If 1 child does not celebrate it they are not allowed to have a party (they do but no costumes, no halloween things at all) instead they watch movies or just have free time close to the end of the day,
My 4 yr old s class is not doing any halloween related things today cause there are kids that dont celebrate and my other dd's class is cause all the kids do.
The school was wrong to have them keep their non believing kids at home, alinating them out of the picture, shame on them, just as much as parading the boy around with no costume shame on them, yes she didnt need to tell her son or train him to say that to the kids etc.... and it was wrong, but I am sorry the school sounds like a bunch of asses and caused the problem themselves. The other kids could have celebrated without costumes like a black and orange day, and do crafts to their own liking if kids did halloween ok but for those who dont believe could have done crafts they like. etc....
I am in aww to both parties, but I mostly blame the school for what happened.
First I am pretty sure the schools have to ( especially with IEP) accommodate to each child's situation. They cannot force children to stay or to march. Schools have to have at least one person available to stay with children not participating in the activities.
Second, the child can state his beliefs, and when it becomes an issue of harassment you remove the child from the situation and work it out with te child ( teach the kid to say, I do not celebrate Halloween, or I don't believe in Halloween) and if behavior continued remove the child as if they were breaking rules, then if it continues you desperate the child and call the mother. We are taught ( in all my classroom managemnt classes)that if the problem can be solved with simple steps you don't call the parent. On this are I would say we handled the issue but we need you to understand he can share his beliefs but not in a harassing manner.
( my son is in a special needs preschool like this one, they always just inform parents of the situation after class never call to take the child home)
Quoting Buzz and Almond Joys momm:" First I am pretty sure the schools have to ( especially with IEP) accommodate to each child's situation. ... [snip!] ... needs preschool like this one, they always just inform parents of the situation after class never call to take the child home)"
I agree. My dd is IEP. And they never call never unless its a dangerous situation.
She sounds like a psycho. Sorry.
Quoting OmegaDucks!:" She's a selfish mother and she sounds ridiculous. I assume your child is celebrating Halloween, so does ... [snip!] ... him home like any sensible mother would do. Instead she set her child up for a horrible day and hurt a bunch of other children."
I agree. There seems to always be 1 drama starter. She was sent a letter and she chose to ignore it. Her problem, at her poor kid's expense. I'd be pissed about her kid using curse words around mine.
Why should everyone else suffer b/c one person is looney?
Quoting Destinite:" I agree. There seems to always be 1 drama starter. She was sent a letter and she chose to ignore it. ... [snip!] ... expense. I'd be pissed about her kid using curse words around mine. Why should everyone else suffer b/c one person is looney?"
Why should her child suffer cause the school is being biased against non believers? The school caused the problem by being biased about non believers. Yes she was wrong teaching her kid to say that 100% agree on that, but its the schools fault it happened.
I would find a new school for my kid.